Where's my mind?
by PixieHead
Summary: Nikki thought the only issue she had was Harry. Now it's a mess... she can't find her mind.
1. Chapter 1

**Where's my mind?**

**Chapter 1**

It was August, it was the Institute Dinner, it was seven-thirty and she was late. As she ran between bathroom and bedroom, she cursed herself; with a mouthful of hair pins and a handful of hair she finally managed to locate her little silver clutch bag. Content with her find she finished pinning her hair up and threw her essential 'touch-up' make-up items along with her mobile into her bag. Before she ran down the stairs, she turned to the full length mirror on the landing to check herself; pleased with her black backless dress and silver shoes she grinned,

"Not a bad 20 minute turn around Dr Alexander, not bad."

As she grabbed her coat and left she remembered that she must text Harry.

ON WAY SEE YOU IN 10 SOZ - NIK

Harry shoved his mobile back into his dinner jacket. He knew that Nikki would be late; she always was, not that he minded waiting for her but he felt like an idiot stood outside the Fox and Hound in his penguin suit. They didn't have to be at the venue until 8 o'clock but they'd decided to go for a drink before they went. Institute Dinners were OK as far as work doos went: lots of free alcohol, a chance to see Leo get completely off his face and this year they had opened the invitation up to associate staff too. He supposed that this was an attempt to liven up the dinners with a wider variety of people, so this year's should be entertaining. A black cab turned the corner and he could see Nikki leaning into the front seat trying to hand over the fair. The cab stopped and she jumped out,

"Finally…I was getting bored"

"I was as quick as I could, I mean I'd hate for you to _have_ to buy another ridiculous set of coloured scrubs" Nikki looked at him sideways and grinned to herself; she couldn't help noticing how Harry had placed his hand on the small of her back as he guided her into the pub, it felt natural almost as if they were an item. Nikki made a mental note to herself to stay by Harry's side throughout the evening. She hoped that alcohol would finally sort out these feeling she couldn't control any longer and she hoped the alcohol would give one of them the courage to take the first step.

Several hours later the tables had been cleared of all dining plates and in their place were a selection of glasses: new, used, spilt, half drunk, wine glasses, shot glasses, cameras and handbags. The hall was crowded with people, chatting, laughing and the DJ was trying to cajole more people onto the small dance floor. Leo and several other middle aged men air-guitared to the wrong tune, top shirt unbuttoned with their ties around their heads.

Nikki stood at the crowded bar with a double Vodka and tonic in her hand. Her head was light and she knew she should really start swapping her drinks for water at some point. Scanning the crowd she spotted Harry. Her plan to rely on the alcohol hadn't worked. It seem that the more Harry drunk the less he wanted to be around her. Currently he was sat at one of the tables with a skinny blond in a black dress. Nikki gave her best daggers but it was futile as neither of them were facing her way. If alcohol wasn't going to get this sorted then anger was. She casually marched over.

"Harry I want to dance" she flashed a smile at the opposition.

"Nikki I am not dancing to _this_ with _them_!" as nodded in the direction of Leo and his 'crew' and they caught sight of Leo skidding across the small floor space on his knees. Nikki took a large swig of her drink and slammed her glass down.

"Harry can I talk to you… alone…" she smiled at the blond "could you give us a moment?" the girl nodded and got up and left.

"Harry have I done something to annoy you? I mean, we were fine when we arrived, and throughout dinner, and it was your idea for us to come together and your idea to go to the pub first-"

"Shut up-"

"I know I've had a lot to drink and I tend to get silly – but-"

"Nikki shut up, listen-"

"I'm not as pissed as Leo and you were trying to hold a conversation fine with him, but me oh no… you-" her eyes were filling, Harry could see this so he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her to one side,

"Niks I am not annoyed with you, I am not upset with you, but I _am_ trying to ignore you!" his tone was angry and precise,

"B-why? Harry I –"

"Because… because I'm pissed and I don't want to make a prat out of myself and risk getting a slap from you at the _Annual Institute Dinner_… that's why!"

"Harry I-" trying to cut in,

"Look, ignore me, I'm drunk, too drunk… and I need to get Leo back home somehow before Janet has to be called to A&E… I'm going to go-" Harry sighed.

"But it's not even 12 we're usually the last to be kicked out… we have a reputation to uphold" she was desperate to keep him there.

"Nikki you stay, Charlie and Nigel will stick it out to the end… go on, don't leave on my account… I'll sort Leo, just enjoy yourself Nik" He squeezed her hand and pecked her on the cheek.

As Harry managed to pile Leo into the cab, Nikki drained her drink that she'd left on the table. Charlie and several other technicians she recognised from the Lyell Centre were on the dance floor, the bar was still crowded so she reapplied her lip-gloss, headed for the bar and thought to herself -the Institute Dinner comes but once a year and Cinderella shall go to the ball.

*

It was dark in the bedroom. The sunlight tried to shine through the curtains but they were closed and the material was too thick. The house seemed dead and nothing stirred. The bed sheets were in disarray and the figure on them looked as though she'd be flung across them like a ragdoll. The ragdoll's slender arms slowly moved to her head. Pain seared through her whole body and her head felt like it had lead bricks inside when she tried to lift it. Slowly opening her eyes the familiar room came into focus, her lampshade, her curtains. She tried to sit upright but her body wouldn't let her. What did she remember? Harry leaving with Leo, dancing with Charlie… then? Nothing, think… then what? Nothing? How did I get home? As much as her body protested Nikki made herself sit up; her mouth was dry and she needed water. She felt disgusting, grimy, and then she realised... her underwear… she didn't have any on? Confused she searched around the dimly lit room and scanned for some clue as to why she was half naked. Her dress was ripped; as she shifted on the bed she became aware of a stickiness that made her stomach lurch; there was blood on her inner thighs. As she tried to hold back a cry her hand found that her lip was bust. Her mind raced, her head couldn't process the information that her body and her eyes were sending her. She dragged herself off the bed; her limbs failing her, tears began to streak her face. When her legs took her weight she was paralysed by a new pain, a hot, sharp, searing pain; she dropped to the floor, unable to take the physical assault on her privates; clutching her lower stomach Nikki let out a sound of anguish and despair. It couldn't be, this couldn't be? She needed someone; terrified, alone and confused she reached up for the phone on her bedside table. She dialled the only number she could remember, the dial tone blared in her ears intensifying the pain, the voice on the other end pierced through the hurt:

"Hey you, I knew you'd be up late; after the text you sent me last night I knew you must have been totally blotto, Nik? Are you going to speak or are you still drunk?"

"Ha –Harry" she whimpered,

"God Nikki, what's wrong… you can't be that hungover surely?" He knew something was wrong and he couldn't breathe,

"Harry I need you… PLEASE….please come quick, I'm scared"

"Ten minutes okay, okay? I'll stay on the phone… whatever it is it's going to be okay, don't be upset Niks"

"G –god Harry, I've been raped".


	2. Chapter 2

**HUGE thankyou to chocolate scones… couldn't have uploaded with you girl! Thanks **** Also thanks for my reviews guys they were just lovely and much appreciated xxx**

**Chapter 2**

He'd jumped a red light, he'd sounded his horn three times and his heart was in his throat. As he slammed the car door and headed towards her house; he explained into his mobile that he was here and that he was coming up to her, then he hung up. The front door wasn't locked. He strode through the hallway. He took the stairs two at a time. He heard sobbing. He hesitated. He took a deep breath. Terrified of what he would find he slowly pushed open her bedroom door. He couldn't see her so he stepped towards the sobs and found her on the floor, next to her bed, knees under her chin with her arms wrapped tightly around them. Harry knelt down beside her, placed a hand ever so lightly on her naked back and whispered her name. She didn't look at him but bowed her head further. Her blond hair remained pinned up in places but the majority of it hung around her face and shoulders. Afraid, Harry tried her name again and she responded by shaking her head, He quickly surveyed the room for some sort of answer; everything seemed to look as he imagined it should, until he noticed the bed sheets. His mind screamed at him: _blood on the bed sheets_. Nikki's dress was somehow still on her body yet it was ripped and no longer sat perfectly on her figure. Her skin was cold and turning blue; she was freezing. He quickly pulled off his jumper and placed it over her shoulders; it was then he saw the mark on her skin. It was a bite mark, on her left shoulder, it was bloody but he recognised the human teeth pattern immediately. He wanted to scream and shout; kick and punch, instead he gritted his teeth and lightly placed his fingers under her chin, he turned her face to his.

"Oh God" he breathed, he hadn't meant to say that, but it fell out of his mouth before he'd even realised he'd thought it. Nikki's brown eyes were pleading with him, searching his for answers and comfort. He tried to smile but it was hard; all he felt was rage when he saw her split lip and the purple forming around her right eye.

"Harry – I- please" tears fell,

"Who did this?" he managed and swallowed hard.

"I…" she shook her head "I…"

"Nikki, who did this? I know it's hard but you have to tell me, who did this to you?" his tone was soothing as his blood raced through his veins.

"I can't"

"Yes you can, you have to be strong, I'm here, I won't let them near you, I swear to you, please Nikki who-"

"I … I-c-can't" she put her hand to her forehead and shook her head vehemently, "can't, I can't",

"Okay-okay, it's okay, I'm sorry you don't have to say yet" he petted her hair and stroked her arm,

"You-you don't understand, I can't, I can't tell you be-cause, I, I don't know- I don't – who" she couldn't breathe,

"Sshh, s'okay Nik I'm here, ssh" he wanted to hold her, to pull her close but he daren't.

"I – c-can't – tell – y – you be- be-cause I don't" she inhaled slowly to try and get oxygen in and her words out "I don't know – who h – hurt – m" she hung her head seemingly ashamed,

"It's okay, it doesn't matter we'll get him, find him, I'll kill him! The police- we need to-"

"NO!"

"We have to, you have to, Niks you-"

"NO PLEASE HARRY NO"

"Sshh, s'okay, it's okay… it's okay if you don't know who, someone broke in?" he asked carefully but she shook her head, "someone you met last night? From the dinner? A club?"

"I – I don't know… can't- re-mem-ber… last thing –with you- dancing with- Charlie" Nikki tried to explain what little she _did_ recall from only 11 hours ago.

"Oh Jesus Nikki" the realisation was dawning on him and it made his head pound.

"I-I'm sorry, s-sorry Harry I don't remem" bile rose from the pit of her stomach, she was hot and cold all at once, she couldn't stop the movement of her oesophagus retching and before she knew it she'd vomited next to herself.

Harry stood up to get something to clean up with and wrap her in but Nikki grabbed his hand and pleaded,

"Don't leave me –please don't leave me here."

Kneeling back down, Harry squeezed her hand and softly explained,

"I'm going to the bathroom to get some tissues, I'm going to find your dressing gown then I'll be right back, I'm not leaving you, I'll be right back. I promise."

Harry rushed to the bathroom, grabbed a box of Kleenex off the window ledge; lifted her dressing gown he saw on the back of the bathroom door from its hook then raced back into Nikki.

"We're going to put this on then I'm going to take you to the hospital; you _have_ to see a doctor." Nikki nodded and swallowed hard. Harry wiped down her leg where her vomit had caught her then helped her pull her lemon dressing gown over her beaten body; she winced with each movement she made.

"Good girl Nik, we're going to the car, I need you to walk with me to the car okay?" Harry nodded the whole time he explained this.

"Harry, I can't stand up, it hurts, it hurts me, I hurt… please Harry, I'm sorry-"

"Hey, hey ssh, it's okay, can you put your arm around me? Yeah okay?" She did this and Harry scooped her up into his arms; gasps of pain and anguish came from Nikki. With Nikki in his arms Harry steadily made his way down the stairs, determined and fearful he held on to her; shaking and wounded she clung to Harry. As he placed her in the passenger seat Nikki managed three words,

"I want Leo".


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for the positive reviews. I have come to the conclusion that writing fanfic can be fairly addictive and very therapeutic. ****Once again I have to thank chocolate scones for helping me with various tech problems lol. Also thanks to immortal sud thief, pearl sun, bleeblck, stardust027, langfieldl, dutch luv and caramelchan (hope I haven't forgotten anyone). Enjoy. BTW next chapter is a bit grim but I needed to write it. Will post tomorrow.**

**XXX**

**Chapter 3**

Leo's hangover was well deserved but it had been replaced with alarming panic thanks to the phone call he'd received from Harry 20 minutes ago. Janet had dropped him at A&E and when she asked if she wanted him to stay he thought that it would be best if she could keep herself busy elsewhere, for Nikki's sake. At reception he'd been polite, then argumentative and when that hadn't worked he got out his Home Office ID which also gained a non response from the sour faced receptionists. Finally he was being led by an older nurse, along with two uniformed police officers who had also been called, down one of the many hallways.

"She's in here." The nurse looked at Leo then glanced through the small glass window in the door.

"Okay" Leo took a deep breath as the officers tried to open the door the to the room, then the nurse quickly put her hand on the taller officer's arm,

"You two should wait her until she's ready for you; she hasn't said that she wants to make a statement yet and besides she's still in shock." The officers stepped back and Leo entered the door labelled 'Examination Room'.

Nikki was sat on the hospital bed with her knees pulled into her chest. She was wearing what appeared to be a lemon coloured dressing gown which she was holding tightly around her body. Her face was a mess; she had clearly been punched several times. Her eyes never moved from starring at her knees even when Leo walked over to the bed. Harry was stood to her right side and Leo noticed that his fists were clenched. At the foot of the bed stood a woman in her late 40s, Leo presumed she was the attending Doctor.

"Nikki love, I came as quick as I could." she nodded as he pulled up a chair to her bedside.

"Leo tell them" She said this with precision.

"What? Tell who what Nikki?" worried he met Harry's eyes.

"I don't need a rape kit!" she glared at the doctor,

"Nikk-" Leo tried to respond,

"I don't need a bloody rape kit Leo- Christ I know that I've been- I'm a pathologist for God's sake" her eyes were brimming with tears and she turned to Harry "please Harry, please I don't want to do it..." The lump in Harry's throat prevented him from responding, but thankfully Leo moved his chair closer to the bed and asked,

"Could you ID whoever did this to you, I mean in a line-up? Or-"

"No, no see, it's just pointless, I don't know anything, I can't remember anything- I –I I'm so stupid, stupid, it's my fault –people will say it's my fault I-" Harry couldn't take seeing her blaming herself so with every cell in his body he forced down his rage and fury and stepped closer to the bed, he gently held her hand,

"Nikki, you have to have the rape kit and let them take your blood, you were obviously drugged, it's not your fault." Leo's head swung around as if to listen again to what Harry had just said, but Harry continued "You have to let them do this. Whoever did this is still out there and they will carry on doing this for as long as they can get away with it. If you don't do this, sometime in the future you may remember what happened, and you may want to press charges, it'll be his word against yours; you have to do the kit Nik… Please?" He was pleading with her not only for her sake but for his too.

"But I'm so ashamed" she sobbed and her body shook with each cry, Leo stood and placed his arm around her shoulder and saw Harry's struggle to continue,

"You have nothing to be ashamed of, do you understand? Nothing, and I know you're afraid but I need you to be strong, it's going to get worse before it better, it's a lot to deal with but I'm here and Leo's here and we wont let anything else bad happen to you Nikki, but right now you have to be strong just for a little longer, I know you can do that Niks, I know you can." Harry didn't know that she could but he had to get her to have the physical exam; he wanted to know, he _had_ to know who done this to her; he was going to make sure they paid ten fold. Nikki looked at Leo and he forced a smile, then she looked over to the doctor and nodded. The doctor stepped forward and handed over the clipboard and a biro,

"Sorry I need your signature" Nikki took the forms and scanned over the documents and the bullet points held her attention:

_**Photographs of the external physical injuries**_

_**Collection of clothing**_

_**Medical personnel to treat any emergent injuries which require care**_

_**Documenting of these injuries for your record.**_

_**Blood samples**_

_**Urine samples**_

_**Hair Samples**_

_**Swabs of the oral and genital area**_

_**Biological evidence such as: bodily fluids and hair.**_

_**Patient will be offered prophylactic treatment for sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy, if these are concerns.**_

"Harry I can't do this."

"Yes you can Nikki you're the bravest person I know" he wasn't lying but he knew he had to help her believe in her own strength right now.

"Will you?… Please stay with me?" He didn't want to, he couldn't face it, he wasn't as strong as her, he couldn't watch her go through that,

"I said I wouldn't leave you didn't I?" he smiled at his own weakness. Nikki signed the forms and handed them back over,

"How, how many medical staff will there be?" she could feel shame seeping over her worries, when the doctor replied

"Three. Myself and two female nurses. I need to get them to set up." She turned and exited the room. Leo stood and gently squeezed Nikki's shoulder and she yelped out in pain-

"Sorry Nik, sorry I didn't realise-"

"It's okay Leo please, you don't have to apologise" her eyes flooded once again,

"Well… I'm going to go over to your place with the police to see what forensic evidence we can lift from there; where shall we…" he looked questioningly at Harry,

"The bedroom Leo, her sheets, the front door- it was unlocked, he would have had to use the latch" Harry gave an affirmative nod.

"Look after him Nikki" Leo winked at Nikki and she managed a faint smile.

As Leo was leaving, two young female nurses wheeled in a trolley; Nikki's heart thumped in her chest, she wanted to be brave and strong like Harry had said. The nurse with the glasses explained that it would only be two minutes or so until they were ready to perform the exam; Harry prayed at the ceiling when Nikki whimpered,

"Harry, hold my hand".


	4. Chapter 4

**Again thank you to chocolate scones, dutchluv, caramelchan and Langfieldl. I'm so please that you take time out to review. This story is moving slowly but it's got lots of steam behind it I promise... Enjoy x**

**Chapter 4**

After the codeine and after the prying lights of the camera had illuminated Nikki's bruising she was helped to scoot further down the bed by the nurses. Harry helped her lay back then sat down beside her holding her hand in both of his. Her dress and dressing gown had been removed and placed in clear plastic evidence bags and were waiting to be taken for testing. The doctor spoke but all Harry heard was "swabs" and "biological evidence" he held his breath and Nikki's grip tightened around his hand; he saw that her knuckles had turned white and tears rolled down her cheeks as she stared into nothing. Harry's hand hurt like hell but it was nothing like the pain he felt in his heart. She was his best friend, the closest friend he'd ever had and as he sat there feeling helpless and angry he realised that the feelings he'd kept hidden for so long were so much more than lust; he loved her, he was _in_ love with her. He was going to get her through this, he made a vow to himself there and then that he was going to protect her forever no matter what the cost and if that meant not breaking down and crying in front of her now that's what he would do. He petted her hair gently,

"Nikki… …Nikki, please look at me…" she slowly rolled her head onto the side to face him; he kissed her hand "try not to think about it, think of something else, try-" she quietly groaned,

"It hurts, Harry it's hurting," Harry head snapped round to the nurse taking the swabs from Nikki

"HEY! What the hell are you doing to her?! You're hurting her!" he gritted back his anger he didn't want to frighten Nikki but his frustration was getting more difficult to control.

"I'm sorry but Miss Alexander needs several sutures, there's a significant amount of damage to-" Panicking about what he was about to hear Harry interrupted-

"I see, just… quickly, she's been through enough," he turned back to Nikki; her eyes were squeezed shut and she bit her bottom lip.

As Nikki lay there feeling vulnerable and exposed she held her eyes shut hoping to block out the searing pain that burned through her middle. She knew Harry's eyes were on her and if it had been different circumstances she would have attempted to make some quip remark but it wasn't and she was grateful that he'd agreed to stay with her throughout the physical exam. She attempted to do as Harry had suggested and think of something other than what was happing to her now: her mother, her gran, being happy in South Africa and Harry, always back to Harry but the distraction of Harry brought her back to the reality that she was trying to escape. How would she ever be able to admit her true feelings for Harry after this? Those emotions that she was sure he felt for her would certainly vanish. She knew no-one would want her now… now she was disgusting, filthy, repulsive. More so since she couldn't even remember what had happened to her; for all she knew she'd probably brought it on herself or at least that's what people would think. _Tart, slut _echoed through her mind. Yet she knew she wasn't; she thought to herself _I'm not like that, I don't sleep around, I don't offer myself to just anyone, I'm picky, really I am… aren't I? I didn't want it, I mustn't have, I must have struggled, I must have? They hit me and the bruises and the blood and pain, and the bite… I wouldn't have wanted that… surely I said no or stop? I didn't want him to hurt me?_

"I didn't want him to hurt me" it was barely audible but Harry heard, bent to her ear and whispered softly,

"I know, we know, you don't need to explain that to anyone-" The wheels of the trolley squealed as it was pushed to one side and both nurses left, one carrying the clothes in the evidence bags the other pulling the trolley. The doctor asked Harry to help her sit Nikki up and then handed over a small plastic cup containing 3 pills,

"Levonorgestrel, Diazepam and Azithromycin; I've written you a 2 week prescription for the Diazepam and Azithromycin. I think the police want to take your statement and then you can go home. I will get in touch with you as soon as we have your results back and I'll book you in for a consultation for 2 weeks time. I'll pop back in as soon as the police have finished, ok Miss Alexander?" Harry nodded on Nikki's behalf. The doctor left the room and silence embraced them as they searched each other's eyes. Harry wanted to punch something, anything but instead he held Nikki in his arms while she cried quietly into his chest. He felt her whole body tense then he realised that two uniformed officers had entered the examination room.

*

"Okay Leo… yes… right… I'll tell her. Yes, she's going to stay here tonight; she didn't want to go home, not that I'm surprised. That would be good, yes thanks. They said they'd be in touch… sleeping pills, antibiotics… 2 weeks. Will do, speak later, bye." Harry placed his telephone back in its charger and walked over to Nikki who was sat awkwardly on his sofa still wearing the hospital gown and Harry's jacket. Her head in her hands she merely said,

"What did Leo find?" Harry sat on the coffee table opposite her and sighed

"He spoke to Charlie; apparently you went to the toilet and the next thing you text her saying you'd had enough and was getting a cab home-"

"I don't remember that" her voice broke,

"Well Leo seems to think that the text message was not text by someone who'd had a few drinks or been drugged and it was sent at 2am, but you text me at 1-ish and it was clear that you were pretty hammered, I-" Nikki looked at him

"Wh-what did it say?"

"That you'd had enough and was getting a cab-" She shook her head,

"No, what had I text you?" she appeared panic stricken but Harry smiled.

"Gobbledygook… it was nothing… really, what matters is that you text me at around 1am and it was complete nonsense- not even spelled coherently yet an hour later you managed to text Charlie a completely comprehendible message? No. I think whoever… was with you text Charlie from your mobile so that you wouldn't be missed." Harry's voice had risen as he'd explained this to Nikki and his fists clasped the sides of the coffee table. He stood and stalked the empty space between his lounge and his kitchen.

"Ha-Harry… do you think it's my own _stupid_ fault? Maybe I got blind drunk and … and took someone home? Told them to text Charlie?" she was holding her stomach and crying. He stomped over to her with fury on his face, he grabed her by both arms and shouted at her,

"Nikki you were drugged, you were _drugged_, you were _not_ drunk! Christ, I've seen you plastered a thousand times before and you've always remembered every _single_ intricate detailed of what people said or did! Some _bastard_ spiked your drink, waited for it to take effect before carting you home-" he was stood and marching around his kitchen now "-had sex with you, _raped_ you and beat you in the process-" Harry's fists smashed into his fridge. He pounded and kicked and yelled "-I'll _KILL_ him, I'll _KILL _him. I swear to God- he'd wish he'd never laid eyes on-" he didn't stop his tirade until he had bust a hole into the surface of the plastic and realised that Nikki was stood next to him, he opened his arms out and Nikki stepped into them resting her head on his chest and he stroked her hair.

"Isn't that my job?" She managed through her tears; Harry kissed her on the top of her head. She stepped back and looked down to the floor, shaking her head slowly from side to side. "I'm disgusting, I can taste him, smell him on me, I need to clean. I want to bath, shower-" Harry reached out and held her hand,

"Let's run you a bath."

**please review, i'd really appriciated it guys thanks x**


	5. Chapter 5

**Having nothing better to do since my boyfriend has left me to my own devices this evening, I thought I'd write another chapter. I do hope it's effective, or gets the point I'm trying to make across... if that makes any sense? :p Chocolate scones rocks ;) xx**

**Chapter 5**

Nikki sat on the blue tiled floor of Harry's bathroom trying to remove the few remaining pins from her hair. Her whole scalp ached and she knew that her she must have been dragged by her hair at some point. Harry noticed her frowning and turned off the taps to the large white bath.

"It's ready Nik" he was anxious, terrified that she would ask him to sit and help her bathe or wash her hair, no matter how many times he'd imagined her naked he wasn't ready for a naked Nikki now, not like this. She peered over the side of the bath tub, feeling ashamed she stated clearly,

"I'll need more than that" her eyes were wide and childlike,

"No problem," he grinned as he twisted the taps, the rushing water was loud but somehow comforting to them both. He reached behind him and pulled two large baby blue towels from the rack. He placed each over the radiator then rummaged around on the window sill; he set his shampoo, conditioner and shower gel on the corner of the bath "you'll smell like a bloke-" he cringed as soon as the words left his mouth "-I mean like me-"

"Anything is better than… this," she shrugged her shoulders as she looked down at her bruised legs. She attempted to take Harry's jacket off when the soreness of her upper body stopped her and made her wince, "ssssssss", Harry knelt to help her with the arms of the jacket, finally when it was removed Nikki sighed, "you'll have to wash that, sorry," Harry nodded.

"Nik, are you okay to… I mean, is it ok if I go put some dinner on?" he looked sheepish,

"I-I can manage… thank you." Relieved Harry stood and left the bathroom closing the door behind him,

"I'll just be out here."

Harry hadn't even reached the kitchen when Nikki called out his name. He was stood with his hand on the door handle instantly,

"Shall I come in?" again… that nervousness he felt when thought he might have to see Nikki naked,

"Yes silly." He opened the door, thankfully she was still in the hospital gown, yet she was perched on the side of the bath. She must have seen the blush in his cheeks so she explained as quickly as she could, "I just need some help, not washing just… well, getting in," Harry scratched his head, confusion danced from his face; embarrassed she continued "I can't step over the side of the bath, it's too high… I'm too sore to step ov-"

"Ohh, I see, right… hold on to me, I'll lift you in-" she lent forward and held him tightly; he wrapped his arms around her torso and gently lifted her over the side of the bath carefully placing her on her feet in the deep warm water. He released her but she still clung to him, "Nik?"

"This gown… I can't undo the ties, I'm sorry-" she whispered feeling completely humiliated. Harry held her firmly with one arm and reached behind her and pulled each tie loose. He made a point of staring at the floor as he did hoping to elevate some of her embarrassment.

"There." He smiled awkwardly and helped her to steady herself while she placed a hand on the tiled wall. He turned to leave and Nikki, holding the gown in place with her free hand, stammered,

"Th-thank you Harry… b-but how will I get out?" he glanced back over his shoulder,

"The towels are massive, don't worry, plus I'll shut my eyes, I promise." He flashed her his brightest smile and she smiled back; it was the first _real_ smile he'd seen since he'd met her just yesterday for the Annual Institute Dinner. Hope stirred inside them both.

*

Harry stood staring into the pasta as he stirred it. His mind battled with a multitude of thoughts: _She needs carbohydrates to keep her energy levels up, I know what she's like about her food but she has to eat and keep her weight up so she can heal… blood on the sheets… she's not eaten since the dinner last night… blood on the sheets, God what did he do to her? How did he get her home? Must tell police to check CCTV. Leo would already be onto that. I wonder if she'll want to contact her Dad? Not that he'd be any bleeding use. I need to get her out something to wear, hoodie and joggers? Yes. She text me at 1am. Charlie received a text from someone on Nik's mobile at 2… between 1 and 2, at the dinner… we know it is someone from the dinner, Christ. He bit her… I'll smash his teeth in… she knows this person; we must know who it is. I'll make up the spare bed, she can sleep in mine. I'll take a week off work, she'll need someone, I need to be with her. Burnt her with cigarettes… Leo will test the butts he found. If only I'd had the courage last night, I'm such a coward. I should have stayed and kissed her, she'd have slapped me but then she'd have left, she'd have been safe… this is my-_

"Harry…" he drained the pasta and sat the strainer on the side of the sink. Again he was stood with his hand on the bathroom door,

"Are you ready to get out Nik?" apprehension made the stomach butterflies flutter.

"Yes please," he stepped into the bathroom and saw her huddled at one end of the bath with her knees tucked under her chin. Her hair was drenched, the water grimy but he was glad to see that her cheeks were pink. He pulled the soft towel from the radiator and held it from corner to corner so that it spread like a curtain before him; he shut his eyes tightly for effect.

"My eyes are glued shut Dr Alexander." He heard the swashing of the water and felt her lean into the towel, he wrapped it around her "can I look yet?" he joked,

"Wait one second… okay" he opened his eyes, when he found her face inches from his an involuntary thought entered his mind, _he was holding a soaking, naked Nikki Alexander in his arm_s. He shook the thought away, he felt terrible, God, she had just been raped and all he could think about was how much he fancied her. He lifted her out of the water and sat her down on the closed loo.

"I'm going to finish dinner off… and I'll put something for you to wear on my bed, hope you like green and large?" he pulled the door two as he left her to dry herself.

Nikki pulled the other towel from the radiator, dry scrunched her hair with it and hung it over the side of the bath. She struggled to work out whether the bath had made her feel any better; it had definitely made her feel a little cleaner but her skin seemed to sting now too, along with the other pain she'd been feeling since this morning. Carefully and slowly she stood up and let the towel from her body fall to the floor. She turned and faced the mirror. She was mortified at what she saw. Her neck and chest were covered in what she could only describe as 'love bites' though they were anything but, the tissue around her right eye was black and the white of her eye was bloodshot; her top lip was badly bruised and split. Nikki then examined the deep bite on her shoulder; she blinked the water from her eyes then forced them to look down the body of the alien reflection in front of her. There were several scratches on her breasts and a great contusion was forming under the right of her ribcage; she understood where the new sensation of stinging was coming from, she followed the pain with her fingers until she came to five small circular burns on her lower left hip, "Why?" she then observed the bruises that had formed around her wrists, her knees, her thighs, her inner thighs. Her mind screamed: _why? What did I ever do to you? Why have you done this to me? Why can't I remember? Try to remember, surely I said stop, I must have said stop? I wouldn't have let you do this to me? Why did I let you? I'm disgusting, totally repulsive, but I said no, I said no, _images flashed rapidly through her consciousness: of her, her struggling, her pushing, her crying, crying out STOP PLEASE, _I told you to stop, I begged you to stop, I did and you wouldn't stop, please no, don't, no, stop please stop you're hurting me, no, stop, please,_

"wouldn't stop, please no, don't, no, stop please stop you're hurting me, no, stop, please-" Dropping the pesto on the floor Harry raced into the bathroom, his eyes filled with tears when he saw the woman he loved, nude and shaking in a corner on the floor, pleading, crying out for her attacker to stop. He cradled her in his arms; she clung to him as he rocked her and tried to calm her.

"I _did_ say no Harry you have to believe me, I begged for it to stop and they just kept on-"

"Ssh s'okay Nikki, ssh, I know you did, I know you did-" his heart was breaking, and tears rushed down his cheeks,

"But I remember- I- I re-mem-ber- say-ing stop, I remember, I remember saying it Harry."

**Of course she put up a fight...it's Nikki! you'll have to wait to see what happened tho... review? pretty please te he x**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chocie scones woop woop xxx caramelchan, langfieldl and bleedblck ta very much for your reviews. They help me in so many ways, you have no idea. Thought I'd try a lighter chapter… enjoy**

**Chapter 6**

It was nearly 7pm and Harry sat on his sofa with Nikki tucked up next to him; having just taken another dose of pills. The TV was on but neither of them were paying any attention to the flickering pictures. They had eaten dinner and although Nikki had said she was full after several mouthfuls he'd made her finish what was on her plate; she was happy that he had because now she felt warm and the ache in her stomach had eased a little. She loved being in Harry's hoodie and joggers, they were enormous on her frame but they were cosy and didn't cling to her tender skin. Wearing Harry's oversized hoodie made her feel like she was his girlfriend; she loved that feeling; she wondered how many other women he'd lent it to? Just as soon as that thought had entered her head and started to make her feel inadequate, Harry reached for her hand and entwined his finger with hers; her heart smiled. She looked up at him and he kissed her slowly on her forehead; she was exhausted yet she didn't want to close her eyes and sleep, out of both, fear and not feeling ready to break from Harry's embrace.

"Nikki you should get some sleep…I can hear you softly snoozing and your eyes are not even closed yet." He kissed her forehead again.

"Wet hair" she yawned but didn't move,

"What?" Harry was perplexed at this statement,

"I have wet hair I can't sleep on wet hair" Nikki smiled a girly smile and then broke their embrace and held her hair to show him "see …wet hair,"

"Yes I can see."

"I can't believe that you of all people does not own a hairdryer,"

"How vain to you think I am?" Harry laughed,

"Very." She reached up and messed up his hair,

"Well, you'll be pleased to know that this hairstyle takes no styling at all… it's my natural good looks,"

"Harry, I know that you obviously don't use a hairdryer; I was referring to all of your _lady friends_ that you have stay over-" she was grinning but she was half serious too,

"Lady friends? Moi?" he feigned shock,

"Harry it's no secret that you've had more women than most people have had hot dinners-" she poked him playfully in the ribs "and just how many women have had the privilege of wearing this hoodie? Hmm?" she was sat up now and attempting to French plait her damp hair.

"None actually, it's a very special jumper saved for very special people, mainly me… so count yourself very lucky Dr Alexander- I mean for – the jumper- not… God-"

"Harry relax, I knew what you meant." In the silence her eyes filled with tears, and Harry felt for responsible for them,

"Niks stay here for a few days, for me, I daren't let you out of my sight, I'm worried- I mean -I wont be able to sleep unless I know that you're safe," she turned to him surprised by his honesty and relieved at his suggestion.

"You may have to lend me more clothes? Or am I limited to this green hoodie only? And what about the various women you'd planned to see over the next few days Harry?" she was giggling now,

"I'll lend you any jumper you want and there are no women!"

"Okay… I'll stay… thanks Harry" She lent in and pecked him on the cheek "maybe you could come with me to my place tomorrow to get a few essentials?"

"Of course Nik."

"And you promise I wouldn't be interrupting your plans?" she stared at her hands nervously,

"Nikki, no… my only plans are to take care of you and to make you feel safe…is that okay?" she felt a tear roll down her cheek,

"So you didn't make any plans with that blonde?" she was anxious about his response, she knew she had so much more to deal with than who Harry may or may not be dating but she would completely fall apart if she had to see him with another women right now.

"What? What blonde? Nikki who are you talking about?" his whole body conveyed concern,

"From the Dinner … last night… you was sat with her, chatting… for ages"

"Oh her ha ha…" he petted Nikki's hair

"Well? What were you doing?" she frowned,

"Enchanting her with my special magic of course" he could see Nikki's grin even though she was looking at her hands,

"Harry, you do know that you don't actually have and special magic," she was facing him now,

"Yes I do."

"Harry, no you don't," she sighed mockingly

"Yes I do, you said so yourself."

"When?"

"Last night, in your tex- …shit Nik sorry- I forgot you-" he mentally kicked himself. Nikki's cheeks flooded and she uselessly attempted to wipe away her tears with the sleeve of her hoodie.

"I- I don't… I c-can't even remember that; it's so frustrating Harry, I'm sorry-you must think I'm completely pathetic." She was angry annoyed with herself for not being able to control her emotions. Harry reached into his jeans pocked and pulled out his mobile; he searched the screen for several seconds then handed the phone to her; her hands were shaking. The blue illuminated screen read:

HARYI CNT BLEVE U LEFT- U HAV ENCHNTD ME WIT UR MAGIC 4AGES U NO IT 2B TRU I WANT U. DNT TELL ME I DRUNK XXXXX NIKS

Nikki felt her face go crimson; she felt like a daft teenager. She knew what she was reading was something that she was feeling but was embarrassed that she had actually text it to him. She felt Harry's eyes on her and she was sure he was smiling at her blushing cheeks.

"Oh, hmm, I – well, I must have thought it was funny- I mean as a joke-" she tried to justify her truthful text message.

"Nik- it's okay… I know… I know, that's why I avoided you all evening, the more drunk I got, the harder it was to control my emotions around you, and you were stunning, beautiful… I didn't want to risk making a fool out of myself… I wish I had… God- I wish to God I had Niks… but now-" She felt sick, nervous, as if her heart was being torn from her chest. She was devastated that they felt the same emotions for each other but because she had been so careless, Harry no longer felt the same; she finished his sentence through streaming tears,

"-but now I'm repulsive, filthy… you don't want me now- now that I –I've been –r—r- ra-" could couldn't get the word out "no one will ever want me; I'm sickening- damaged goods-" Harry was knelt on the floor in front of her,

"NO! NO, don't you ever say that, ever- you are not… you are beautiful, so beautiful; you'll always be beautiful Nikki; plenty of men will- I mean" he watched his words not wanting her to misinterpret them.

"Who? Harry? They'd have to be crazy-"

"Well then I must be completely mad- Nikki- Nik… I-" and he thought better of it. Nikki held in her sobs and shook her head. They starred into each others eyes, past the tears, past the hurt and the anger; they saw each other, truly and wholeheartedly. Nikki wanted him to kiss her but she was terrified of how her unconscious might react to such an act. Harry read her mind,

"Don't be afraid of me Nik… I wouldn't do anything without your permission… we can take it as slow as you want,"

"Is that okay?" she felt Harry's arms pull her firmly to his chest and she wrapped her self around him. He carried her through to his bedroom and placed her under the sheets,

"Niks you need to sleep, I want you to sleep-" her eyes were heavy but she wanted Harry to stay with her; she felt safe.

"Harry I'm afraid… afraid to close my eyes" she felt him kiss her on her forehead,

"Sshh… go to sleep."

"I'm afraid to close my eyes in case it happens again, what if he comes back?" she was mumbling trying to fight the diazepam.

"I'll stay awake" she could hear his promise in his voice,

"Ha-rry… real-ly… you… ca-n't" she felt him place a loose strand of hair behind her ear,

"Yes I can. Besides I have to make sure you don't dribble on my pillow." She heard him smile and she resisted sleep no longer, she drifted off thinking of _her_ Harry.

**How was it? wat did ya think?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the reviews guys... hope this one is ok xx**

**Chapter 7**

Harry's eyes shot open as he bolted upright in bed; despite his promise he had fallen asleep. He looked over at Nikki sleeping on his bed. Her face appeared agitated but at least she was asleep. He ran his hands through his hair and checked his alarm clock; the digital screen read 05:43. He'd had at least 6 hours. He had led with Nikki while she slept, she had wanted him to stay, he had wanted to stay too, but as she slept he felt an overwhelming urge to reach out and hold her close to him, yet he didn't; he was afraid of disturbing her sleep, worse than he hadn't wanted her to feel smothered, claustrophobic. Feeling restless, he climbed off the bed and made his way to the bathroom, he was going to grab a quick shower as he was still in his clothes from the day before. Although he was exhausted from the events of the last 24 hours he could not lay still; he had to keep his mind occupied. Scenes of Nikki crying for help and fighting her attacker played like a horror film over and over in his mind making his pulse pound through his entire body until he felt nothing but rage; he wanted to lash out, break or damage something or rather someone.

The steaming water sprayed over his body and he scrubbed the shampoo from his dark hair; he relentlessly tried to picture all of the male faces that he had seen at the Dinner, the various doctors and pathologists, coroners and the associate staff of each department. As hard as he tried there was no way he was going to remember all of them; there were over 200 people at the Dinner. He turned off the water, stepped out if the glass cubical and fiercely dried himself off. He pulled on his boxers and white T-shirt and padded over to the kitchen. When he saw his fridge door he thought it was nothing to what he would do to the bastard who hurt his Nikki, yes_ his_ Nikki. He set up his coffee machine and thought that he'd better text Leo; he'd want to know how Nikki had been in the night. He picked up his mobile and the screen read: 4 MESSAGES, he quickly read through the first three.

**LEO MOBLIE: Harry call me asap there is some rather alarming evidence, CCTV and various other things. **

**CHARLIE MOBILE: Harry hows Nikki? Tell her to call me if she wants to talk. I tried her mobile but it was off. Charlie x**

**LEO MOBILE: How is she holding up? Call me**

He knew that Leo would have been working with the lab all night trying to gather as much forensic evidence as possible to help catch Nikki's attacker. He considered the CCTV footage from the venue and what it might show; he felt sick at the thought of watching it. He would call Leo later, he knew that Nikki would want to know what he had found and Harry knew he had no right to conceal anything Leo had found from her. Harry scrolled back to his inbox and what he saw made him dizzy, he had to hold onto the kitchen counter for support;

**NIKKI MOBILE: she was exactly how you'd imagine her to be. You should have heard her scream Harry, she loved every minute of it.**

He was enraged. He read it again. Again. Over and over again. It couldn't be. He must have read it wrong. He checked the sent time. He checked the date. It had been sent in the early hours of this morning. He rushed to his house phone and started to dial Leo's number when cries from the bedroom stopped him in his tracks,

"Harry! Harry help me!" immediately he was at her side, trying to stop her from kicking and throwing her arms "he hurt me, he's hurt me again, he came back Har-" her body was entangled in the sheets and her forehead was damp with sweat which made her hair stick to it.

"Ssh, Nikki, it was a dream, it was just a bad dream, no-one's here it's just me, you're safe, ssh, ssh" he tried to hold her but she was still struggling,

"But I hurt, I'm sore, I ache- he came back-" she was doubled over in pain holding herself,

"You need more painkillers… he hasn't been here I promise, ssh it was a nightmare Nik," she shifted on the bed, Harry followed her gaze and saw specks of red,

"But-but there's blood Harry" Nikki started to hyperventilate,

"Nikki, Nikki look at me, look at me" he held he head in his palms "you- just must have pulled your stitches tossing in your sleep, it's not- you had a terrible dream and your kicking- it's just your stitches" She calmed as she took some deep breaths, "Come on let's get you to the bathroom," He held her under her arms as he guided her to the bathroom,

"It's such a mess Harry, I'm gross," she was so ashamed of herself,

"It will heal, go to the loo and see, it wont be as bad as it seems," he stopped at the bathroom door and she walked in then turned around to face him,

"It really hurts- I'm so sore" she wiped her eyes and attempted a brave face,

"I know- I know it's cuts and bruising -I promise it'll heal Nik" was has about to close the door when he saw her whole body shake

"What did he do- why didn't he stop? Harry why?" He stepped into her; he had no answer for her so he just simply held her and let her cry.

"Harry I hurt make it stop, please."

*

Nikki had just finished cleaning her self up and swallowed some more painkillers when she heard crashing and smashing from the kitchen. Her first thought was _he's back_, but then she heard Harry's shouts of rage and anger. She wanted to go out to him, to stop him, to hold him and tell him that they would get through this together and that she _loved_ him. Then it was silent and she heard Harry talking, quickly and frantically on the phone. She heard him say her name and she knew that he was talking to Leo; she wanted to know what Leo had found, she had to know, so she pulled open the door, "The bastard text _my_ mobile, he has _her_ phone… yes, from _her _phone, it was _definitely_ the person who raped her Leo the text they sent was vile, they were gloating Leo. Yes-we'll come down, we'll be about an hour or so we're going to stop by Nikki's to get some things for-" Harry turned around and saw Nikki stood there in his green hoodie holding the joggers in one hand, with the other clasped over her mouth,

"I have to go." He sat his phone in the charger and saw that Nikki had her focus on his mobile that was on the kitchen counter, she dashed towards it and grabbed it before Harry could stop her.

"Nikki don't, give it to me… It won't help- Nikki-" he attempted to snatch it off her but she wriggled from his arms and stood on the opposite side of his kitchen table. "Nikki please don't" he begged,

"I have to, I have to" She wanted to know exactly what Harry had been explaining to Leo; she didn't understand what he had meant but she knew that there was a text message in Harry's phone from her mobile, whatever it was it had made Harry trash his kitchen. Shaking hands scrolled through his inbox until she came to the texts sent from her mobile. There was one she didn't recognise so she opened it;

**NIKKI MOBILE: she was exactly how you'd imagine her to be. You should have heard her scream Harry, she loved every minute of it.**

She hurled the mobile across the room and screamed Harry's name painfully as she collapsed to the floor.

"I DIDN'T, I did not-" She felt Harry's strong hands soothing her, rubbing her back and stroking her hair "Why? What did I ever do that was so terrible to them? They know us both Harry? Why text you something like that otherwise?" she breathed slowly trying to control her anguish.

"I know- but we'll be able to trace them- I suppose. Come on we need to see Leo and the police… can you-"

"Yes. But-but I'll need some more joggers… these are ruined" She held up her hand and Harry took them from her, he kissed her forehead and helped her to her feet.

"I never liked them that much anyway" Nikki kissed him slowly on the cheek and grabbed his hand to show him how grateful she was for his sensitivity.

**How was it? xx**


	8. Chapter 8

**CHOCOLATE SCONES! Thanks for checking this for me… I struggled with this chapter. MASSIVE thankyou again chocy scones :x Thanks for the reviews it's so lovely to hear what you think… makes me want to write more :p Nik xx **

**Chapter 8 **

She had the seatbelt on, but she was holding it away from her neck and chest; she couldn't bare her sore skin being rubbed by the stiff material. As Harry steered into her street she felt a sense of foreboding; she knew that she wasn't going to be able to go into her house to collect the things she needed, so she had written a list for Harry, along with instructions of where to find her various things. Her face grew red when she though of Harry rummaging through her underwear drawer but reminded herself that he had seen a lot more than her underwear over the past day or so. Harry parked his car as close to her house as he could and turned the engine off. Nikki handed him the piece of paper with her list on.

"You going to be okay here Nik?" he checked as he opened the car door,

"Yes… just… be quick Harry," she had undone her seatbelt and huddled her legs onto the seat. The car door shut and she was alone. She sighed heavily and sat her chin on her knees and glanced up to her bedroom window; she could see the curtains were still drawn. Her eyes then followed the row of houses on her street; she tried to remember how she had gotten home the evening of the dinner, she searched her mind, but it was blank. She then tried to remember how she got through her front door; did she unlock it? Did they use her key? Had she given them her key? It was hazy, but she had an image of someone opening her front door while she was stood about a meter away, she can see them, yet she faintly recalls being held by her hair while the door was being opened. She shook her head; her thoughts were so blurred and broken that she knew this snippet of a memory must have been wrong.

The painkillers were starting to wear off and she was also aware that she was thirsty. She made a mental note to herself to take more pills and drink lots of water as soon as they reached the Lyle Centre. They were to meet Leo there and he was going to explain to them both what he had found so far. When she considered what Leo could have found she didn't know whether she would be able to process the information without having a complete breakdown; there was no option she had to know. She couldn't stand not knowing nor being able to remember 7 hours of her life. It was unfair; the time had been taken from her against her will and she wanted it back… she had to have it back. Bits and pieces were slowly returning but they were jumbled and not specific. She hoped that what Leo had found would help her to remember; she knew that the effects of Rohypnol included sedation, difficulty with concentration, dizziness and difficulty with walking also that when taken with alcohol there was increased nervous system depression with symptoms such as confusion, loss of memory and thinking difficulties. She predicted that her blood test results would come back positive for benzodiazepine with at least 3mg ingested. Yet as much as she knew these things and tried to convince herself that this was not her fault she kept coming back to the idea that perhaps she _had_ led this person on. If her mind wasn't hectically trying to remember a face or a name, then it was consumed with SHE LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT, over and over she saw the words; they created fear and anger deep within her but mostly shame. At that point a man in his 30's wearing a parker walked passed the car and looked in at her; she was sure that he _knew_, that it was her fault, that she was to blame; she hung her head in disgrace and willed Harry to come back to the car. Gradually Nikki started to panic and frantically checked to make sure the car doors were locked: _it could be him, I wouldn't know, maybe he came back for me, maybe he came to check if I was home yet, he knows both Harry and I so he's bound to be watching us…God Harry where are you?_

Thankfully Harry appeared at the car door, he placed a large overnight bag on the backseat and explained that he had managed to find everything from her list except her purse containing her cash cards,

"Harry it was on the coffee table in my lounge," she was slightly agitated as she hated being without her cards for too long,

"Nikki I checked there and in the kitchen on the counters, even your bedroom, it wasn't there…" he belted up, started the car and headed for the Lyle Centre.

"Hmm; that's really annoying, I have no cash on m-"

"Nik- don't be silly you can borr-"

"I am _not_ being silly, I know it was on the coffee table, I-"

"Maybe you took it with you to the dinner and you forgot-"

"I did not forget, I'm not a complete moron-I-"

"Niks I didn't mean that I meant-"

"I didn't take it, I took my silver clutch bag out-" she stopped and grabbed Harry's arm, "he took it from me, my silver bag, he took it off me I didn't want him to but he took it anyway. He shoved it in his trouser pocket… I vividly remember because I- it looked ridiculous half hanging out of his pocket; I tried to grab it back but kept missing- I- I kept stumbling and he laughed at me." Nikki was upset while she explained this but also very matter of fact,

"That's good Nik, really good; do you know where you were? What he looked like or any distinguishing features?"

"He said he'd give it back if I… if I kissed him… Oh God Harry I kissed him… why? Why did I? I think I thought he'd leave me be if I kissed him… we were stood outside the main ballroom." Harry's knuckles were white as he listened and gripped the steering wheel. "Perhaps he wasn't the one who- who ra- who hurt me." She attempted to calm herself as Harry considered this,

"He's the one Nikki, I'm sorry, he is. I mean he had your bag and your mobile must have been in it, that's why he took your bag- so that he could text me after he had- had- finished with you… I'm sorry Nikki, it's the only thing I can think of." He let one hand off the wheel and reached for her hand.

*

Leo had explained what he and the police had found to Harry whilst Nikki was changing into her own clothes. Harry sat on the sofa in Leo's office with his head in his hands; Leo was leant against his desk with his arms folded. Both men were silently thinking how best to inform Nikki on the appalling evidence picked up from her home. Nikki walked in wearing a navy polar neck under a blue cotton dress. She seemed confident and both Harry and Leo knew she meant business. She sat on the sofa opposite to Harry

"Shall we get on with it then?" she was stoic in expression. Harry looked over at Leo and shook his head "What? What is it?" Leo cautiously sat down beside her, "What? It can't make me feel any worse than I already do… can it?" She held back her tears; she was determined to find out what she couldn't remember.

"Nikki… are you sure? I mean maybe you should let us work on what we've found-" he spoke slowly and placed his hand on hers,

"NO! No… I need to know, you have to tell me, you can't keep this from me, Harry please tell him!" It was then she realised that Harry was crying.

"She has to know Leo; she might remember if we tell her," he managed to control his emotions, "Nikki… please, come and sit with me. Leo will tell you everything I promise, but just come and sit here," Slowly Nikki moved to the sofa where Harry was sat, she sat as close as she could to him and Harry held her hands to prevent them from shaking.

**OOer… what are you thinking guys?**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"Okay… well… we found several things and we spoke to Charlie and Nigel about the last time they saw you. Charlie says you went to the toilet and the next thing she knew was that you had text her saying you'd had enough and was getting a cab home. Nigel says that he saw you with a man of about 40 outside the ballroom; Nigel, being drunk, was on the way to the bathroom when he saw you kissing this guy. When he walked back into the ballroom you had gone but Charlie had said to him that you'd text her and he presumed you left with this guy for… well…I mean, Nigel feels terrible now but-" Nikki bit her lip and her grip on Harry's hands was immense. Uncomfortably Leo continued "so the police obtained the CCTV footage from the venue and most tapes didn't show us anything we could work on except the CCTV footage from the car park." Leo shifted uneasily on the sofa and looked at Harry for support,

"Go on" Nikki was firm,

"The angle of the camera is so that it displays the whole right side of the car park with the side of the building on the left, we can see… you and a man wearing a tux enter the frame on the side where the building is. You are … you, you're facing the camera but all we get of the guy is the back of him; you are…"

"I am what?"

"Well, it's obvious you're resisting him and the drug has started to take effect on you. You are stumbling and he's pulling you, you're not too distressed at first but then you slap him and he noticeably looses his temper." Harry places an arm around Nikki's waist and pulls her closer to him,

"Noticeably?" She is unable to prevent her inquisitive mind,

"He… erm, he has you by the neck against the wall and his free hand is inappropriately… on you. You clearly attempt to push him away and in doing so we, the camera, can see his profile, which the police are printing out for you to look at,"

"Okay" tears hopelessly fall from her eyes but she is set on getting the information she is missing from Leo.

"Then… and then" Leo sucks in a deep breath "then a dark Ford saloon pulls up into the frame, not 5 meters from you and… and he drags you into the back seat of the car and it drives away. The car plate was traced but it had been reported stolen earlier that evening… so we're at a loss there but the police have got a stop and search out on the registration number, again, nothing has come back yet, Sorry Nik… do you want me to carry on?" Nikki's face was burrowed in Harry's chest,

"Leave it there for now Leo-" Harry couldn't bare to hear anymore,

"I need to know, I _have_ to," she raised her head and wiped her streaming eyes. Harry still held her close and he could feel every inch of her tense and tremble with each word Leo spoke.

"We lifted several prints from your house, particularly from the bedroom, doors and bathroom, we ran them but there's no match. Also there were 5 cigarette ends on your bedroom floor and we've taken samples and found there to be… there's 2 sets of DNA from them, also we lifted 4 bottles of Heineken: 3 from your bedroom one from the small table in your hallway. We tested the semen samples from the bedding… oh Nikki, Nik I'm so sorry love … there were… two, two different DNA samples; we won't be able to conclude that they both ra-I mean not definitively until your swabs are back from the hospital, but it looks like it was-" Nikki pushed Harry away and threw her arms up in protest,

"NO! NO! You're wrong, you must have mixed up the samples; you're wrong, _that _did _not_ happen, Christ- I-I would remember that!" Harry attempted to keep her from throwing herself into Leo, but she escaped him and fled the room; Harry went to chase after her but Leo held him back,

"Let her go, Let her go-"

"Argh!" Harry yelled throwing his arms across Leo's desk so his work and computer came crashing to the ground. "I'll SMASH their brains in, I'll KILL each of them slowly and painfully for what they have done to her, I swear to God I will Leo" He fell to the floor and cradled his head in his arms as tears of anger and frustration fell from his ruthless eyes. "I will, I will find them and I _will_ make them pay for what they have done to her," His voice broke but he managed to plead "Leo you have to help me."

The cold water from the tap seemed to ease Nikki's pounding head. She then used her hand to scoop water into her dry mouth. She did this 3 times until she feared she may vomit it back up. She gripped the sink and stared down the plug hole; she tried to gather her thoughts and she tried to think logically about the evidence Leo had presented to her and then: flashes of her screaming, pushing, struggling, then the text message EXACTLY HOW YOU'D IMAGINE HER TO BE… SHOULD HAVE HEARD HER SCREAM…LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT, her ears were ringing and her heart was hammering through her chest, her head was light and she sat on the floor of the ladies before she fell down. The image she saw earlier in Harry's car, of her at her front door must have been correct; there was another man, one used her key to let them in, while the other held her upright by her hair. She couldn't see as her eyes were flooded and when she blinked they simply flooded again. She can hear echoes of laughing in her mind, slowly she realises that it's the memory of _both men laughing at her, taunting her, she can see that they're smoking and she is on her bed unable to move, her body is lead and her mind wont focus but she knows that she doesn't want either of them to stroke legs again. She remembers crying out for Harry; in her mind it is a scream but she knows in reality it was barely a whimper. She focuses all of her strength and rolls herself off the bed onto the floor, she feels their hands on her but she cannot make out their faces…_

Harry began to check each cubical in the ladies toilets, then sees Nikki sat under the sinks at the far end, she is silent, arms around herself and rocking slightly. Harry sits next to her, pulling her arms around him, he pulls her into his lap. "I remember little fragments, it's so disjoined, I- I can't see their faces… Harry I'm so sorry, I – Can't… why can't I see their faces?" She then turned into him and cried loudly as sobs racked her whole body. Harry knew why she couldn't see their faces but his Nikki was brave and strong and beautiful and he knew that it wouldn't be long until she did.

**Hmm? please review? xx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thought I'd do a nicer chapter that wasn't so grim. Enjoy**

**Chapter 10**

It had been 2 days since Nikki and Harry had met with Leo at the Lyle Centre. Earlier this morning the Hospital had called Nikki in to confirm what Leo had already suspected; she hadn't heard the doctor explaining the results to her, she didn't need to listen because she already knew. Her memories were trickling back like hot lava into her conscious. Although Nikki's blood work had showed she had been given well over 3mg of Rohypnol, she knew her mind was suffering from psychological trauma which was also preventing her from accessing her memory. She still hadn't been home and she had no intention of going there either; Harry had said she could stay with him for as long as she needed and she did _need_ to; she needed him more than ever. Since they had admitted how they felt about each other they had been closer mentally but both Nikki and Harry were still afraid of physical contact with each other; Nikki feeling ashamed and disgusted with her body, Harry not wanting to suffocate her with his affection. They had however settled comfortably into holding hands with fingers entwined, hugging and Harry had only ever kissed her on her forehead.

In the few days that they had been together they had established an evening routine; bath for Nikki, dinner then bed. Nikki slept in Harry's bed and treasured being surrounded by the scent of him. Harry would lay with her while she slept but he remained fully dressed and on top of the covers; Nikki knew that he was being sensitive to her needs yet should couldn't help feeling that maybe he didn't want to be close to her, that he too thought of her as filthy and contaminated. Her sleep was broken by restless nights and fitful dreams and she feared that perhaps Harry would grow tired of waking to her inconsolable screams. With each nightmare she remembered a little more; she still couldn't see their faces or hear their names but she new that one was in a tux and the other wore jeans. They had taken their turn with her; treated her with disdain; helped themselves to the alcohol from her fridge and then helped themselves to her body. Each morning Harry had called the police to update them with the slightest of detail; nothing was insignificant.

The bruising on her face was easing but her body was still tender and uncomfortable, her lip was nearly healed yet her neck and shoulder still bore the violence inflicted upon her. Nikki was sat up in Harry's bed reading through a coroner's report, she felt full; Harry had made them steak and potatoes for dinner and again he had been insistent on her not leaving any. She would let him feed her up for a little longer; after all she had more pressing things to worry about than her weight. She smiled to herself as she thought of Harry, then she heard him pad across the bedroom to his side of the bed; she pretended to be engrossed in the report,

"You, Nikki, are relentless, shouldn't you be wrapped in a Jane Austen, reading the details of a coroner's report is not what constitutes relaxing reading." He was grinning as he placed a glass of water on the bedside cabinet.

"It's completely therapeutic, I'll have you know," She placed the papers on the floor beside the bed and held out her hand as he passed her 2 pills. She threw them into her mouth and Harry passed her the water. Harry's digital alarm clock read 21:17. "Bed before ten, I can't even remember a time in my life when I was in bed before ten." She sighed.

"What about when you were a girl? Surely you were in bed before ten then?" Harry helped her get comfortable and sorted her pillows for her, then carefully helped her to lie down.

"My mother always let me stay up with her and when I lived with my Dad-…well… he was never home to even care what time I stayed up 'till-" Harry pulled off his shoes and climbed on top of the covers.

"Are you sure that you don't want to contact him now-"

"Why? What good will it do? He's a hopeless case at the best of times, and besides he'll only make me feel responsible; he'd find a way to make it all my fault and then say that he way sorry and I misunderstood what he was trying to say-" Nikki folded her arms across herself. "Harry?" she sounded nervous,

"Hmm?"

"Do you think I will ever remember? I mean remember the things that matter like, their names or what they look like?" She held back her tears,

"Yes, yes you will. I know you, it's already coming back bit by bit; try not to force it Nik; it'll happen when you're ready… it really will." He turned his body to face hers and shoved his arm under his pillow so that his head was comfy. Nikki turned herself to him and smiled when she met his handsome unshaven face. She wanted more than anything for him to kiss her… properly, but she knew he wouldn't; she felt ugly and used and she was not surprised that he hadn't even attempted. She felt miserable when she thought that what had started between them would most likely end before they'd even get to know each other as lovers. Harry saw the expression take over her face,

"What is it Nik? Want to talk about it?" Her heart fluttered and the butterflies in her belly were pressuring her to open up to Harry. She was in love with him and had been for a very long time; she refused to let what _they_ had done to her ruin what had blossomed between Harry and her. She was anxious and fearful of his response but she had to know.

"Harry…Why don't you ever get in… I mean under the covers with me? It's because I'm absolutely repulsive isn't it?" her lips trembled,

"No-No of course that's not it-" he was stunned by this sudden shift in questioning.

"Are you afraid of me Harry? Afraid I'll say you have hurt me too?" her eyes avoided his,

"God Nikki- not for one second have I thought that. I want you, I want to be with you more than anything but you're not ready Nik, neither of us are-" he squeezed her hand,

"Not ready to sleep under the covers together? Harry please don't make excuses… I need you to be honest with me… please…"

"I am, I am being honest Nik… it's too soon-"

"Jesus Harry I'm not saying we should be having sex, that's the last thing- but you obviously don't want to be close to me… just tell me that it's because I'm contaminated and used and I'll understand-I" a tear escaped.

"Nikki… Nikki…" he waited until she was looking at him, "I want you, I want you so badly, more than anything, more than I've ever wanted anyone… and yes I am afraid, not of you but of me and my body's uncontrollable reaction to you. I don't want to scare you… the last thing you need is- well –my morning glory-" he was embarrassed but she had asked for his honesty and he wouldn't deny her that.

"Oh… I… really?" I smile crept across her face,

"Yes really…" he laughed at her innocence

"But? … So you fancy me? Even now?" she moved her face closer to his,

"Yes… Like mad, as always," he felt her breath on his skin, he wanted to kiss her but he was afraid, Nikki frowned,

"I know you'd never hurt me but I just…" she wanted him to kiss her, she didn't want him to be afraid of her, she wanted to kiss him but all of her confidence had been drained from her the day she looked at her broken body in the mirror, "I've wanted this for such a long time; I'm so nervous, not myself… what if you don't like the way I kiss- I-" their lips were millimetres away from each others.

"I won't do anything without your consent… I love you too much Nikki" their noses touched,

"Harry, please kiss me-" softly their lips met, slowly and gently she felt Harry kissing her, she felt light and wanted more of him. She pressed herself closer onto his lips and with each kiss opened her mouth a little more inviting Harry in. His kiss grew stronger and more passionate by the second and she was blissfully aware that they were sharing their first French kiss. She loved the feel and the taste on her lips and she pulled him closer to her with her wandering hands. All of the pain and anguish dissipated and all she knew was that _she was kissing Doctor Harry Cunningham and loved every second of it…_ her stomach lurched SHE LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT, she could feel his weight on her and she felt trapped, she kicked and pushed,

"Noo," Harry broke the kiss and swiftly jumped off the bed,

"Sorry, I'm sorry Nik, I shouldn't have-" he knew that he had lost control when kissing her and he thought that he had kissed her too firmly,

"It's not that, it's not you, it was … beautiful, amazing… it's my stupid mind, I can't control how it wanders- I-" She sat up and outstretched her arms to him,

"Nikki, I think-" he looked a little worried,

"_Please_, Harry… Please stay with me tonight, not- I mean in bed with me, under the sheets… I want it more than anything." Even though her eyes were tearful she was smiling at him and pulled back the bed sheets. He looked at her questioningly "more than anything, I'm sure." she patted the mattress next to her and Harry slowly moved towards the bed, "No- I mean not your jeans… _his_ jeans on my skin –I" Harry pulled off his jumper and his jeans and climbed in next to her wearing his white T-shirt and boxers. Nikki's heart raced at the sight of his bare legs but she knew that he would be very gentlemanly like. They snuggled down holding each other and at this moment Nikki felt content and loved.

"What if you get bored of waiting and go off me? I mean I don't know when sex will happen-" Harry kissed her lightly on her lips and she melted,

"Nik, I have waited 6 years to kiss you like that- I'll wait for you forever, I love you Nicola Alexander and nothing will change that." That night they both drifted off to sleep; their bodies' entwined. It was the first night since the rape that she had not woken screaming for help.

**was it okay guys? xx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Glad you enjoyed the last chapter; sorry it's been a while... anyway the story unfolds oo er, enjoy (I hope) Thanks to chocolate scones *hugs*, lilypad1, caramelchan, slayergirl, stardust027 and dutchluv**

**Chapter 11**

It was light outside the bedroom window but it was still early. Nikki stirred from a peaceful sleep; she felt Harry's light snoozes on her neck and his arm led across her midriff. She recalled the kiss from the night before; the mere thought of it made her heart glow, with this she opened her eyes to find Harry's face not inches from hers, so stroking her fingers through his dark hair she lent down to his lips to steel a kiss. Enjoying the feel of her lips on his she lent down and kissed him again, quickly, and then again. Harry's eyes slowly opened and he was greeted with a smiling Nikki, he mumbled something incoherent and drew Nikki into his chest.

"Are you okay Nik?" he mumbled again

"Yes." She nodded with her response,

"You sure?" he found her hand and entwined his fingers in hers.

"Yes," she kissed his cheek.

"Hmm… 's the time? If it's before 9, you, Dr Alexander are dead meat." Harry yawned and then kissed her hair,

"Oh dear… Dead meat, hey? Well… I better not tell you that it is exactly…" She lifted her head so that she could see the clock "5:56-" Harry groaned before she'd even finished her response,

"I need at least another hour… wake me again in an hour Niks." Within seconds Harry's light snoring continued. Nikki held him tight and decided that she too should try to get another hour; although she had slept uninterrupted from terror she knew she was missing several hours from previous disturbed nights. She closed her eyes and tried to drift off; she drifted off to many places but sleep was not one of them. As the minutes passed her thoughts picked up pace and pounded against her inside of her skull. She tried to will them away but it was futile; she heard taunting, mocking laughs, she saw faceless, malicious men, smelled sour smoke, tasted bitter alcohol; refusing to let them invade her mind she climbed from the bed and headed for the kitchen to busy herself with making coffee.

Nikki sat at Harry's kitchen table and sipped her coffee; it had taken her 6 minutes to make and now she was left with a hot mug and the painful pieces of an incomplete memory. Her body ached, it was time for more painkillers but she was trying to last as long as possible without having to take them, it had only been a few days however she wanted to try to stop relying on them. The thought of her body being fuelled with a variety of prescription drugs didn't give her the sense of being in control; she knew she wasn't in control of her emotions nevertheless she was in control of what she ate. It was the one thing in her life that she'd always had strict control over, throughout the turmoil of her father leaving and her mother's death, during the Anna Holland case and the whole time that Harry was sleeping with Rebecca Connelly. A flare of jealousy momentarily chased away the hurt she was feeling when she thought about the woman Harry had so quickly fallen for. And then… the kiss… their first real kiss; Nikki touched her lips with her finger tips and grinned. The shrill tone of the house phone made Nikki jump, so much so that she spilt her coffee. She reached over to the counter and pulled it from its charger.

"Hello?" she already knew it would be Leo,

"Hi Nikki, how do you feel this morning?" he sounded nervous and this made Nikki worry,

"Oh you know… better… I mean right now… I suppose I feel a little better. I didn't have any nightmares last night so-" she'd only just realised this herself,

"That's really good Nik, really positive. Do you know why? Or did you do anything different that helped?" he was pleased,

"Yes I slept with Harry" she smiled as the words left her mouth,

"What? Was that wise-" Nikki enjoyed the feeling of Leo acting fatherly but decided to clarify,

"No Leo, what I meant was we simply shared a bed… I think it helped because I felt safe and almost… well… normal." She pulled her hair back from her face. She sensed someone behind her and froze, Harry must have seen that he had startled her so he came and sat besides her, kissing her cheek as he did. He mouthed the words _you are normal_ and then led his head on his folded arms.

"So did you want anything in particular or were you just calling to check that Harry hasn't fed me up to the size of a small horse?" she playfully scowled at Harry and he shook his head dramatically.

"Well the police have called me- is Harry there?" again he sounded nervous.

"Yes Harry is here, as am _I_ Leo" she straightened up in the chair, "what is it?"

"Okay, they traced where the text was sent from; they've narrowed it down to the phone mast which the text was sent through… it was via a mast in a small village south of Milton Keynes, since your mobile doesn't have GPS they can't tell us anymore than that unless _they_ make a call; the police are cross referencing all of the names and addresses of men from the dinner with the area the phone mast is in… Still with me Nik?"

"Yes, anything else?" She reached out for Harry,

"They found the car, it was dumped on waste ground not 5 miles from your house… I'm heading over soon to lift any forensics I can – is Harry-" Leo was stalling,

"Leo? What else? What else?" Harry sat up looking concerned and signalling for Nikki to pass the phone over, Nikki shook her head at him,

"Nikki… something was left on my windshield last night… a CD, the words FAO Leo and Harry, enjoy were written on it in marker pen. Nikki love, come on, let me speak to Harry," her chest was tight and she handed the phone to Harry as she explained what Leo had just told her.

"Leo? What's this about a CD?" his blood was slowly boiling and again he felt the urge to hit out.

"It's a recording… it's… erm… a video Harry, the bastards videoed their attack on Nikki, they've left it for us… they wanted to show us what they did to her- Christ who are we dealing with Harry?"

"Why are they doing this? Aren't they satisfied with the harm they have already caused? Can we see anything- about who might be?" He looked at Nikki and she had huddled herself in the corner of the kitchen counters on the floor; he hands were clasping her ears.

"We think we can make out their names, it's filmed on a mobile phone so the sound needs cleaning up; we've sent it over to the tech guys… I'm sorry to have to ask you Harry but I need you here at work-"

"It's not a problem; I'll text you when I'm en route. Bye." Harry knelt next to Nikki and gently prised her hands from her ears. Her large brown eyes welled up,

"My mobile, they filmed it all- what they did to me- they took turns-and- on my mobile- I couldn't move-couldn't stop them- they filmed –on my mobile- I pleaded with them and they were laughing at me- I" Harry embraced her and he felt her whole body trembling. Harry bit his lip to stop his rage from erupting,

"Nikki, I need you to be strong for the both of us, just a little longer. You're doing really well Niks… Just hang on a little longer we'll get them I swear to you. I'm going to stop them from hurting you."

"I know you will, I know you will Harry."

**please review for me peeps pretty please xxxx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you for your reviews guys, they spur me on :P (ps Chocolate scones when you putting your next chapter up? I'm dying here LOL)**

**Chapter 12**

Nikki stood in Leo's office with one hand on her hip, waving her finger defiantly at Leo. Harry was busy performing a PM and Nikki took this opportunity to persuade Leo to get the recording back from the tech lab. She knew that if Harry was there he would some how convince her that the tech guys should watch it because they would be able to clean up the sound which would offer some clue as to who her attackers are. She didn't care about that right now, all she could think about was the recording and retrieving it; she felt sick at the prospect of some geeky technicians from LSSE seeing her tormented and defiled crying for help. I was not fair. She couldn't remember everything from that night so why on earth would she want other people to witness what she could not recall. She explained all of her fears and anxieties to Leo hoping he would fetch the disk back and destroy it. Leo on the other hand, although he truly felt for Nikki, was sure that they would be able to give the police something to go on. Feeling defeated Nikki headed to the door,

"Nikki- I'm sorry but it's vital it gets cleaned up, their names can be heard but they're unclear," with her hand on the door handle she kicked the door in frustration.

"So you've seen it then?" she snapped bitterly then held her breath,

"Yes-Nik-" she didn't let him finish,

"Who else? Who else has watched this ever_ so_ popular movie Leo?" she turned to face him and her hands were on her hips agian,

"Nikki don't be like that-" he stepped towards her and held out his hand for her,

"Like _what_? What the hell do you expect from me Leo? Who else has seen me play the leading role? I mean it's probably been uploaded to the internet for all I know, the people over in tech are probably uploading it to YouTube as we speak, laughing at me- _Yes that stuck up cow, Doctor Alexander deserved everything she got_- I can't bare this Leo." Leo pulled her into his arms and hugged her fiercely he wanted to stop all of this but he knew what he had heard, he knew what he had seen and he knew it was they only way to get a break in the case.

"Look, Nik the only people who have seen it are DCI Jane Kempster, DI James Penny and I; the guys over in tech have been given strict orders. Hmm… I have PM case files piling up on my desk from the coroner, why don't you work your way through them for me, it might help keep your mind occupied?" Nikki managed a faint smile and stepped towards the desk lifting a large pile of brown card files,

"Okay, just let me know as soon as you hear anything, I'll be through here." She left Leo's office and Leo finished his coffee before heading to the cutting room to do a PM; he also wanted to speak to Harry alone.

*

Harry was about to make a start on his second PM of the day. He didn't want to be here, he wanted to be with Nikki, not just to make sure that she was safe or coping, but because he couldn't stop thinking about the kiss they had shared. He wanted to hold her; he wanted to kiss her again, he wanted to be in bed with their bodies entwined as they had been the night before. Harry began the internal examination; he made his Y incision from both shoulders joining over the sternum and continuing down to the pubic bone. The double doors to the cutting room swung open and he hoped it was Nikki, he heard Leo say something to Nigel and then saw him go to the sink to scrub his hands.

"How's Nikki?" He separated the skin and underlying tissues to expose the rib cage and abdominal cavity,

"Oh you know; she's trying to be strong… I left her with some coroner's reports to read through and sign," Leo put his plastic apron over his head and stood opposite Harry. "Harry can you think of anyone who-"

"NO Leo, no I can not think of anyone who would want to do _that_ to her." He removed the rib cage to expose the neck and chest organs,

"That's not what I was going to ask- I was going to say, can you think of anyone who holds a grudge against you? I mean I have racked my brain trying to think of people I have severely pissed off since I saw that video but no one springs to mind-" Leo scratched his head,

"Leo what are you talking about?" Harry frowned,

"It's just possible that the main target in this is you? They sent you that text and the disk had our names on it; maybe they're trying to get to us through hurting Nikki. Her whole attack was carefully planned, from the spiking of her drink to the car collecting them in the car park, and now this disk." Harry didn't reply he simply removed the trachea, thyroid gland and parathyroid glands from the cadaver. "Harry? Maybe some one is jealous of the relationship you have with Nik-" Harry interrupted him,

"Leo, we didn't have a relationship until last night, really, we have never been anything other than friends, what was there to be jealous of?" He removed the oesophagus.

"Oh Harry, you have both been dancing around each other for months; it's plain to everyone that you are in love with each other, and to hurt you, Nikki would be the easy target, just think about it okay? Who would want to get to you by hurting the person dearest to you?"

"I know what you're saying, I can't think of anyone… I'll talk to Nikki maybe she might know who I've pissed off."

*

Nikki was on her third file and her second cup of tea. She was sat at Harry's desk and her mind was happy to be diverted to the laborious lexis of the report. Checking her watch she wondered how much longer Harry would be, perhaps they could go on their first lunch date however she quickly went off the idea when she though about having to face strangers; her face was nearly healed but she was still self-conscious about the fading bruising around her eye. Nikki's line of sight was hidden by the laptop on Harry's desk and she didn't hear the person entre because she had buried her mind in the report. When she did glance up she saw_ jeans_, Nikki jumped and a yelp escaped from her, she stood and backed into the wall. Her eyes moved from the jeans to the sweater to the face; it was DSI Mumford.

"Didn't mean to startled you Doc" he was grinning,

"Oh sorry you didn't, I was engrossed, I didn't hear you come in Detective. Is there something I can do for you?" Nikki felt his eyes on her and it made her feel vulnerable and uncomfortable.

"I didn't expect to see you in work for a while." His eyes were on her neck,

"Wh-Why not?" Nikki swallowed down her growing anxiety; she knew it was completely irrational.

"Well, I heard what happened to you, the other night… those two blokes" Nikki had realised that Mumford had moved so that he was inches from her, she felt trapped, claustrophobic, but she did not want to have a minor breakdown in front of this officer. "If you need anything Doctor Alexander, anything at all…" His face was inches from hers and she was paralysed with fear, she could smell his aftershave, and_ she was back on her bed, unable to defend herself from the blows, unable to defend herself from his body_. Mumford saw the panic in her eyes "Anyway I'm here to see Doc Cunningham, he's performing a PM for me on a victim of a mugging… I'll wander down to the observation room. I'll be seeing you." He left and Nikki frantically dialled the extension to the cutting room,

"Charlie, is Harry in there? Can you tell him to come up? I need him."

*

Harry walked in and Nikki raced to his embrace. She was shaking and tears rolled down her face. Leo entered behind Harry.

"What's happened Nik? What is it?" he walked her through to Leo's office and sat her on the sofa, Leo followed.

"Mum-Mumford" was all she could manage,

"Yes, he's in the obs room now, he's here for my findings on the PM I performed this morning-" Harry was confused,

"No, you-you don't understand Mumford, he, he was here-" she tried to clam herself so she could get the words out,

"Nik what are you trying to tell me?" Harry looked to Leo for support,

"He –he- he's wearing jeans, and aftershave- he scared me-I-"

"Nikki is he one of the men who attacked you?" Harry spoke slowly and firmly,

"he- wore jeans",

"Nik Love, I'm wearing jeans, Harry's wearing jeans too." Leo hated seeing her like this but he had to try and help her rationalise her thoughts,

"But- his aftershave and he stood too close, he frightened me-" she cried,

"Nikki can you see his face? Is Mumford one of your attackers" Harry was stood and pacing,

"I think so, I'm unsure, it's not clear, but he knew, he knew, he said two blokes, how did he know?" She huddled into the corner of the sofa. The sight of someone stood in Leo's doorway made each of them snap their head around, it was DSI Mumford.

Harry marched over to him and punched him with a force that threw him to the floor; blood was seeping from Mumford's hands as he cradled his nose,

"What the fu-" he attempted to stand and Harry hit him again,

"You bastard, _you_ did this to her, I'll _kill_ you." Harry lifted him by his lapels and threw him across the hallway.

"Did what? I haven't done anything to her I swear, you're bloody crazy, you've got it all wrong." Harry was enraged he was going to crush Mumford's skull, he heard the telephone ring but he was only resolute that he would inflict pain on the monster that has hurt _his _Nikki; he heard Nikki shout his name,

"Harry, Harry please, please we need evidence, you'll make it worse for us please, I need you with _me_ Harry." Mumford scrambled out of the doorway and Harry smashed his fist into the wall, He bust his knuckles but felt no pain. Instantly Nikki was next to him holding his wounded hand in hers. "I don't want you to go to prison because of me," she whispered "Leo's right I can't accuse every man wearing blue jeans and that particular aftershave can I… besides I don't think your knuckles can take it." She kissed his cuts gently,

"Nikki, I love you, I'd die for you if I knew it would stop all of your pain and fear." His eyes filled,

"Well, Doctor Cunningham, let's hope it won't come to that." Nikki lent in to him and he placed his hands on her waist, she blinked away her tears and pushed the way that Mumford had made her feel to the deepest recess of her mind. She moved her face closer to Harry's and felt his heart beating through his chest. She moved closer still, until their lips touched. Her head was light and dizzy and she kissed him slowly. Her hands were in his hair, she pulled him into a deeper kiss, opening her mouth letting him enter and his kiss deepened too, the sensation was overwhelming and she had to hold onto him tight.

"Ahem" Leo's head looked out of his office down the hallway to where Harry and Nikki were sharing a rather passionate kiss, "Ahem" He coughed again. Harry broke the kiss and Nikki felt saddened by the sudden lack of physical contact,

"What is it Leo?" Harry enquired as he reached for Nikki's hand.

"It's the tech guys, they want us over there with the police and Nikki, if you're up to it Niks?" Nikki nodded, "They've sorted the sound, they think they have a name for us, and something else but they wouldn't say over the phone."

**OOOer so did he didn't he? you'll have to read the next chapter... please review for me? xxxx**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thankyou for lovely reviews (big hugs to Saffiyascarlett) Faye where are you??? *worried* xx**

**Chapter 13**

The trio had been led down a number of wide white corridors until they finally arrived at a room with words which read: Audio/Visual Analysis 2. Nikki's hold on Harry tightened and she pulled at Leo's jacket in front of her, Leo turned to face her, "Do you need a minute?" Nikki shook her head, so Leo opened the door and they entered, Harry held Nikki close. The room was crammed with computer monitors, a multitude of amplifiers and speakers, there were two small black leather sofas under the window; DCI Jane Kempster and DI James Penny occupied one of these, they stood as Harry, Nikki and Leo entered. Nikki's mind was elsewhere so she forwent the pleasantries, she watched the two men sat at the monitors wearing large headphones, one with long red hair pulled into a ponytail the other wearing thick rimmed glasses; her eyes travelled to their legs: neither were wearing jeans, however irrational she knew it was, she felt a slight sense of relief. Nikki could hear the detectives informing Harry and Leo about what they had found but she wasn't listening, her eyes were transfixed on the screens in front of her; they were not filled with the horrific images from her lost mind but rather, graphs; luminous coloured lines and spikes on black with numbers across the x and up the y axis. The green line jumped and peaked and she knew it represented the sound _their_ laughs.

"Nikki? Nikki?" Harry's hand was on the small of her back and he spoke closely to her ear "are you ready for this? Which way would you rather do this? Do you want to listen to what they've cleaned up first or see the images they think are important?" Harry looked back over at the detectives and they offered a smile of sympathy.

"I- I don't know?" she shrugged, "what do you need me for exactly?" she looked at female DCI. DCI Kempster stood up and placed her hand on Nikki's arm. She was in her forties but could have easily passed for 35. She had brown hair and dark circles under her eyes; Nikki appreciated the fact that this female detective had obviously been working day and night on her case; Nikki made no eye contact whatsoever with the male detective.

"Well…" DCI Kempster sighed and moved closer to the monitors, "it's impossible to make out any distinguishing features from the recording, they were careful when filming- erm- but perhaps if you see a small edited section of their frames it might help to restore your memory. Also they seem to film and zoom in on a photograph, if we show you that bit you might be able to shed some light on why they were interested in that." DCI Kempster could see that Nikki was slowly becoming more distressed "but we can begin by listening to the sound clips these guys have cleaned up-"

"No, start with the images, I'd rather get it over with." The technician with the thick rimmed glasses moved from his swivel chair and offered Nikki to sit; as she did she searched for Harry's hand and he crouched down beside her. The technicians explained that they had edited and cut the film so that she would only see the sections of particular interest. The red haired man clicked the mouse. The monitor in front of Nikki filled with familiar images from her bedroom, it was pixelated but it was clear that there was a blonde woman on the bed being smothered by a man in a white shirt with his sleeves up-rolled, their taunts and sneers echoed from the speakers and stung her ears "the sound, turn it off- turn it off I can't bare it-" A hand hit a key on the keyboard and the room was silent. The screen went black for a split second and then it was replaced by another tragic scene. Again. The blonde. On the bed. This time arms pinned above her head by a man straddling her, he wears what appears to be a green T-shit and jeans. Leo places his hand on Harry's shoulder; he can see that he is fighting down his rage with every cell in his body. The screen goes black and the scene is that of Nikki's dressing table, the shot zooms in on a photograph in a silver frame; it is Harry and Nikki grinning stupidly, the picture was obviously taken at arm's length. Harry turned to look at Leo, who nodded in recognition.

"That's all there was that we wanted you to see Doctor Alexander-" the detective was interrupted

"It wasn't Mumford, I remember the face of the man in the green, I don't know him but it wasn't Mumford." She was precise with her words,

"Mumford? DSI Mumford?" the male detective was taken aback,

"Erm- yes but no, there was a misunderstanding Doctor Alexander is obviously confused and distraught at the moment… just a misunderstanding" Leo explained and hoped that DSI Mumford would accept an apology from Harry,

"And the man in the tux? Nik?" Harry pressed her further knowing she was close to breaking point but he had to know,

"No, sorry –I, nothing… I still can't see his face- I'm sorry Harry." Tears fell from her face and Harry wiped her chin with his thumb. "I- I don't know why they focused on that photo either- sorry,"

"Well there are some sound clips we want you to listen to and one of them is of what they say when the zoom in on the photo – are you ready?" Nikki nodded slowly. The technician with the glasses clicked the mouse and pressed enter on the keyboard. The first of the clips made Harry stand and pace the room, it began with what was clearly Nikki's voice, crying out for Harry's help; and then followed by a gruff voice _he aint here, he aint coming and he aint gonna lay one finger on you now you're used, he should've kept his nose out. _Nikki wrapped her arms around herself and Leo knowing that Harry was struggling to control himself crouched next to her and grabbed her hand. The technician clicked the mouse again; _come on Spence you have been talking about bedding her for months… let's get this party started, good man Spence._ Again a click of the mouse: _Doctor Harry Cunningham, oh how jealous are you now._ Nikki heard the door slam and Harry was no longer in the room; her heart sank and she felt utterly ashamed.

Both technicians left the room and the detectives took notes while Nikki explained what she could. She told them that she didn't know who her attackers were but she would recognise the one in the green T-shirt and jeans if she came across him again. She still had no face the man in the tux, the one from the dinner but she knew that he was the one named Spence. She explained that the photograph of Harry and her was taken 4 months ago when they had been out for drinks and that she had no clue as to why they had transfixed on it. She told the detectives she would be in touch as and when her memories decided to grace her with their presence; they each shook hands and left.

Nikki felt a rising panic as she came close to the exit of the building; she wondered where Harry had gone, if he'd be back, she was terrified that the image of seeing her led there not even attempting to fight had made her repulsive to him. Leo and Nikki walked through the main entrance into the car park; Harry was stood lent against Leo's car with his arms folded. Thankful that he was still there Nikki walked as fast as she could towards him, he looked up and saw her approaching and jogged to her. He threw his arms around her fiercely, kissed her forehead and whispered his apologies into her hair.

"Harry please get me out of here, I want to forget, to be normal, _feel_ normal and forget their voices and their touch, just forget _them_ for a little while, please Harry can you?"

*

It seemed to be working. In the past twenty minutes Nikki had smiled, laughed, giggled, kissed Harry playfully on the cheek and now Nikki had him backed up against the popcorn counter, arms around his neck, tasting every part of his beautiful lips. Harry couldn't think straight and wanted so much more of her so he broke the kiss; Nikki pouted playfully and he kissed her lightly on the nose. "Come on you, the film started 5 minutes ago." He took her hand and led her in the direction of screen 8. The seats were mainly empty due to the fact that it was late afternoon and the opening credits were on the screen. Nikki giggled as Harry pulled her gently to towards the back seats,

"Tut, tut, Harry Cunningham-" Grinning he shrugged and let her enter the back row first. They sat down and Nikki stole the large bucket of popcorn from Harry and placed it on her lap; she felt his eyes on her but she stared ahead at the screen and smiled as she filled her mouth with a handful of popcorn. The film had been on for 30 minutes but Nikki hadn't watched any of it; all she could think about was Harry, _her_ Harry. She couldn't get over the fact that they had started a romantic relationship, they had only kissed a couple of times but each one had rendered her breathless. Again she smiled as she chewed on more popcorn. She thought intensely about how to initiate a kiss with Harry; she had never been on a date to the back seats of the cinema, so this was new to her in many ways. She gazed at Harry, he seemed content watching the film; she lent over to him and kissed him lightly and slowly on his neck, she was nervous but it felt right. Harry turned to her and caught her lips with his. They kissed feverishly and Harry was glad that the arm rest was keeping them as separate as it could. In spite of himself he broke the kiss,

"Watch the film," He whispered, content Nikki rested her head against him. Within minutes Harry heard her light snoozing, he stole the popcorn from her and kissed her forehead.

**Please review... hope you like the mix of angst and niceness xxx**


	14. Chapter 14

**Faye yay you're alive! *hugs* Fanks to Saffiyascarlett for taking me under her wing in Faye's absence lol :P Also thanks to lilypad1/viewr_1 for great reviews ;) Hello to Harrikki. Thanks for reviewing slayergirl, pearlsun and bleedblck, caramelchan and dutchluv… hope I haven't missed anyone? Anyway I hope this chapter is ok? **

**Chapter 14**

It was exactly 1 week since Nikki had jumped out of a taxi to meet Harry outside the Fox and Hound, exactly 1 week and 4 hours. It was 23:45 and Nikki was still up; it was late for her considering she had usually drifted off to sleep by 21:30, except tonight she hadn't taken her sleeping pills. Harry usually reminded her to take them, often handing them to her with a glass of water but tonight he wasn't there. She was quite capable and sound of mind to take them, she simply didn't want to.

Earlier in the evening Harry's mother had called and she asked him to go over and give her a hand with some odd job that couldn't wait. Harry had insisted that he didn't have to go but Nikki had decided that if she wasn't ready to stay home alone for a few hours in the safety of Harry's flat she never would be. Harry had then tried to persuade Nikki to go with him; there was no way she was going to meet the mother of her boyfriend feeling and looking like she did. The bruising was almost gone from her face and the marks on her neck had faded; it still hurt to go to the bathroom but at least there was no blood. However she was still self conscious, she still felt that people would look at her and know, know that it _was_ her fault and that she should have fought harder. Nikki couldn't bare to face those emotions on top of the added pressure of being held under the microscope by a mother whose son meant everything to her. She told Harry to go and that she would be fine and busy herself with a bath, book and then bed.

Nikki had taken a long soak in the bath with scolding water; she still felt their grimy hands on her. Then she had curled up on Harry's sofa with a blanket and some of the coroner's reports she was still reading and signing off for Leo; when the time came for her to take the diazepam and get into bed she felt dreadful. She didn't want to be alone. It would be the first time she would have had to sleep alone since the attack; she knew Harry would be back later but she hated the thought of having to go to sleep with him not there; just in case she couldn't wake herself from a nightmare, she wanted Harry to hold her hand and pet her hair while she drifted off. So, she had decided to skip the sleeping pills and wait until Harry got home and take then them. The seconds took forever and the minutes dragged, at quarter past ten she used his house phone to call his mobile but it went straight through to his voicemail. At half past she paced the kitchen, traced her fingers over the cracked plastic of the fridge, she bit her lips and nibbled her fingers; she repeated to herself like a mantra _he said he loves me, he'll be back soon, they don't know where Harry lives do they? I'm safe here, I'm safe here, they can't hurt me. _At quarter to eleven Nikki had given in to all of the little creaks and noises, terrified she hid in the bathroom locking the door behind her, crawled into a ball under the sink and cried. She felt weak, pathetic and totally useless; her mind played tricks on her and she wanted Harry to tell her that she was safe and that he wouldn't let anyone else hurt her like that again.

It was exactly 1 week since Harry had waited outside the Fox and Hound for Nikki to meet him for a drink, exactly 1 week and 4 hours. It was 23:45 and Harry was seconds from his front door. Annoyed that his mobile had run out of battery, he searched his pockets for his door keys. He had been at his mum's house sorting out the electric wiring; it was an old house the electrics always went off and there was no way they would get an electrician out after 8pm; reluctant to leave Nikki he went to sort it out. Nikki had insisted of course but he knew that she was just being brave, he also knew that he had to let her try to be on her own too if she was going to get over the emotional turmoil the attack had brought with it. He had tried to ring his house phone but it had been engaged for well over an hour; he presumed that Nikki had maybe woken from a nightmare and unable to get through to him she had called Leo and was talking to him.

He walked through his front door and the whole house was lit up; every main light fitting and lamp was switched on. Emptying his pocket and taking his coat off he headed towards the bedroom hoping to find Nikki asleep on the corner's reports; the bed had not been slept in. And then he heard her, crying, not sobbing but crying quietly. He followed the sound to the bathroom door and knocked,

"Nikki, you okay, can I come in?" there was no response, just more tearful sounds, "Nikki, please let me in?" he tried the handle but it was locked, he panicked as this was the first time Nikki had locked the bathroom door this week in case she needed Harry's help. "Please Nik."

"No." It was a whine

"Why not Nik?" he felt a rising panic,

"be-cause" she had started to sob,

"Nikki let me in you're scaring me… please Nikki… come on Nik?" he rested his forehead against the door.

"You didn't come back, I'm frightened, I thought I could hear them, and you weren't here, I'm just utterly pathetic why would you even want to come back?"

"Nikki, I'm sorry, it took longer than I thought, my mobile went dead, I tried to call the house phone- it was engaged- I thought you be sleeping- God, I'm so so sorry Nik-" the bolt on the door was pulled across and Nikki's red tear stained face appeared in the opening, she was looking at the floor and spoke softly,

"So I can still stay here? You don't want me to go back to mine?" she avoided Harry's gaze,

"What? Nikki… no- I mean I want you to stay here until well- when you feel like you can face your place- I love you, do you understand, I don't want you to go anywhere, ever… God I knew I shouldn't have gone to my bloody mum's-" He pulled Nikki into him and held her tightly. He held her face between his palms and swept her tears away with his thumbs.

"Harry I'm sorry," she blinked slowly

"You have nothing to be sorry for, do you hear me Nik, not one thing." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his lips, slowly at first and then harder and more passionate, pulling him into her, her hands searched his torso and came to his belt, which she started to undo.

"Whoa, Whoa Nik, hey-" he gently prised her from him and searched her eyes, he tried to read her expression but he couldn't.

"I want to…" she frowned,

"No Nik, no you don't," he stroked her hair but she stepped back,

"Yes, yes I do Harry, yes I do-"

"No Nik-"

"Don't Harry, don't you dare tell me what I want, it's my body and I can bloody well do what I want with it, it's my body, I get to chose okay?" Nikki was nearly shouting now,

"Nikki I know it is, just that, _that's_ not the answer-" he didn't get to finish because she stormed passed him and sat herself on the sofa with her head in her hands; he went and sat silently besides her. He finally spoke and placed his hand on her knee,

"Nikki, look there is no need to rush, no need at all, I love you and want to be with you and that's that. I just want you – to be you… nothing else." Nikki rested her head on his shoulder,

"I'm so confused Harry, I don't know whether I'm coming or going,"

"Well you can be sure that I am most definitely not going anywhere okay- ever." He smiled as he kissed her hand.

"You have to leave me sometimes Harry" Nikki almost giggled,

"Do I?" he looked at her, "Okay so how long was I gone before you got… anxious?"

"Hmm about an hour and a half."

"Okay so next time I'll only be away for and hour forty five, and the time after that two hours and so on and so forth… what do you think? We can do it in stages?" He was worried about her reaction to this as he didn't want to seem like he was babying her.

"That," She kissed his cheek, "sounds like a good plan Doctor Cunningham." Harry scooped her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom; he tucked her in and made sure that she took the pills that were prescribed to her. He went to lock up and turn off the lights then he helped her settle on the pillows before stripping to his boxers and T-shirt and climbing in. He reached over and flicked off the side light and Nikki placed her arms over his chest and mumbled,

"Can we settle for a goodnight kiss?" Harry cradled her close and slowly kissed her neck and her heart fluttered, lightly he moved across her jawline until he found her soft lips. They kissed lovingly for several long blissful minutes. Nikki felt Harry's body pressed up against her and concerned that he may have changed his mind and did want sex with her after all she froze; Harry kissed her again and simply uttered,

"Now sleep." Nikki relaxed and closed her eyes feeling at ease,

"I love you Harry Cunningham." She whispered,

"Nikki –sleep."

**Hmm thoughts? Comments? reviews? (BTW I haven't proof read yet)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Yay Faye... I like doing that cos it rhymes ;0) Saffiyascarlett :P Also thanks to lilypad1 prob have written a few chapters by the time you get back ;) Harrikki, Thanks for reviewing slayergirl, pearlsun and bleedblck, caramelchan and dutchluv... anyway I hope this chapter is ok?**

**Chapter 15**

Harry smiled to himself as he poured the coffee into the large mugs on his counter, the toast popped up and he threw it on the plate so not to burn his fingers; as he spread the flora over it he thought about how amazing the snoozing woman in his bed made him feel about his life and the future, ultimately there was a rollercoaster of emotional turmoil directly ahead, nonetheless they would face it together, they loved each other and Harry refused to let the brutality of two men take that away from them. He picked up the tray of coffee and toast and padded towards his bedroom. It was 1.15 and as much as he wanted Nikki to sleep uninterrupted he had planned to spend the Sunday making Nikki feel, what she referred to as, 'Normal'.

As he reached the bedroom his heart beamed at the sight of the woman in his bed; she wore another set of his joggers and a hoodie, it had become her signature nightwear. The sheets were kicked back, her blonde hair was beautifully messy, she slept with her head on her arms and her expression was one of contentment. He placed the tray on the bed side cabinet as he sat on the edge of the bed; he played with her hair not wanting to wake her but knowing that it was time to get up. Nikki stirred from a peaceful sleep to find Harry sat next to her; his fingers in her hair felt delightful and groggily she reached for him and pulled him to her lips. As they kissed Harry watched Nikki attempt to blink away sleep while trying to keep him to her lips, he laughed at her sleepy determination.

"What's funny?" she yawned and stretched,

"You…" he found her hands and kissed them "you are still tired."

"Hmm… serves me right for not going to bed at my designated time." She slowly managed to sit up against the headboard.

"Well I was going to take you out but if you're still tired I'd rather you slept." Harry sipped his coffee and watched her come to a decision,

"Well … hmm I'm not that tired, but it depends on what you have planned?"

"It's a surprise Nik-"

"Oh… right" She furrowed her eyebrows,

"What's wrong? Do you want me to leave you to sleep, I'm sorry I shouldn't have woken you-"

"No, no it's not that, it's just, well… I won't know where we're going, and I won't know what to wear, I can't wear my jeans yet because they're too uncomfortable and well… or whether it will be busy, if people will look at my face and neck, and what if _he's_ there I mean the one I _will_ recognise-" Harry sat his coffee down and moved closer placing his hands on her shoulders,

"Nikki-"

"-and if there's lots of walking… I can't wear my boots yet I still ache, my lower back still aches-"

"Nik-" her eyes were filling,

"-and what if I get upset- I don't want you to be embarrassed by me, plus I haven't got any make-up here –I-"

"Nikki!" It was almost a shout, she folded her arms and looked at the floor "Nik, it's okay, I don't want you to worry, I didn't want you to worry, I'd thought about all that, seriously Nik," he passed her the plate of toast,

"But-"

"Nik, don't worry wear what you want to wear, we won't see anyone really, it'll be fairly quiet, you'll be with me anyway, you know I'll make sure you're safe plus you are beautiful, no make-up needed, look at you, you're stunning in an old hoodie… now eat your toast." He took another sip of his coffee and watched her as she took a small bite; she was clearly contemplating what he had just said.

"Promise it'll be okay?"

"Yes, I promise,"

"But you still wont tell me where?" he handed her the mug of coffee,

"Most definitely not… now eat your toast and drink your coffee we leave in half an hour." Harry stood and kissed her on the head, he was anxious but he wanted to spend the day making her feel like his girlfriend.

Not half an hour later Nikki appeared from the bedroom wearing a green cotton dress over a dark brown polar neck, she was in brown tights and was wearing flats. She explained that she was ready and that she just needed to get her coat; again she asked where they were going but Harry simply smiled and shook his head. He took her by the hand and headed out of the door.

*

The rain pounded on the windshield as the wipers struggled to keep the window clear. The heat was on full and Nikki felt cosy although still a little apprehensive about where they were going; they had been driving for over 45 minutes and they were driving down deserted country roads. Finally a large white house came into view, as they got closer Nikki could see that it was a pub; there were wooden benches outside with the parasols folded away. Nikki turned to Harry to read his expression and it was clear that they had reached their destination, they pulled into Ye Olde Mitre Tavern's empty car park and Harry turned off the engine.

"Harry?"

"This place is just fantastic, come on." He climbed from the car and went around to the passenger's side, he took his coat off and held it above his head; he opened the car door, "come on I'll keep you dry." Nikki clambered out and stood placing her arm around his waist with her body pressed close to his; he locked the car and they headed for the entrance.

Glad to be out of the down pour Nikki smoothed out her hair and unbuttoned her coat; they were only stood in the porch way but she was already stunned by the interior décor. The walls were stone washed and covered in a variety of photo frames, all different shapes and sizes; the photographs were black and while or sepia, obviously from a bygone time. The images included that of families, children playing, men stood at the bar drinking, women in aprons hanging up bunting, people tending to horse and cart and many more. The ceiling was low, held up by dark heavy wooden beams. The small door in front of her was again dark wood with a small stained glass window through the centre. Harry pushed the door and held it open for her. Nikki was greeted by a flush of warm air and her senses were welcomed by a mix of food fragrances that made her mouth water. The pub was empty except for several old men sat at one end of the bar wearing flat caps and green gilets, they were obviously farmers. There was a large open log fire at the other end of the room with three large double sofas situated around the glow of the fire. Harry guided her towards them; he took her coat and placed it over the back of the old antique looking sofa then went over to the bar.

Nikki sat down and absorbed the warmth form the fire and soaked up the quaintness of the place. Minutes later Harry returned carrying two tall mugs with whipped cream balanced carefully on the top.

"This place serves the best hot chocolate in the whole of England Nik," Nikki sipped hers,

"Ow, too hot," she sat it down on the small table in front of her and relaxed into Harry's arms,

"_Hot_ chocolate is the clue, and you call yourself a doctor?" he blew on his,

"Harry this place is just adorable, how ever did you find it?" she rested her head against him.

"I've been coming here for years. My father and I used to fish in the steam about a mile away from here; we'd park here, go and spend the day fishing and then come in here for our dinner before returning home. We came every Sunday without fail, his father, my grandfather, used to bring him as a boy, you could say it's a Cunningham tradition or rather was until Dad well… anyway it's a great place isn't it, I knew you'd like it here."

"I do," she lent up and kissed him on the cheek,

"This is the first time I've been in years, after Dad died no-one brought me here, and then on my 18th birthday I came for my first legal pint, dad had always said this is where his dad brought him on his 18th and he was going to do the same. I only stayed an hour that day and it was one of the most difficult hours of my life; I swore to myself I'd never come again, unless it was with someone as equally significant as my dad, or someone I truly loved… this is the first time I've been here since my 18th." Nikki looked into Harry's eyes and she fell with him in love all over again, she pulled him to her, their noses almost touching; she brushed her lips across his and then deepened the kiss. Her heart thumped in her chest, they didn't break their gaze from one another's eyes even after they had to sever the kiss for air. They entwined their fingers and sipped the hot chocolate while Harry told her more stories about his father from his childhood. Nikki felt privileged to be a part of this and to be a part of Harry. They sat this way for a few hours until their stomachs told them it was time to eat.

They ate roast lamb with rosemary potatoes and sat at the table in the bay window; they sat side by side and ate from each others plate, Harry stealing her lamb, Nikki eating his carrots. They discussed work, gossiped about Charlie and Nigel and as the light from the grey sky turned to dusk they decided to head home. Harry paid at the bar and helped Nikki into her coat. Although it was no longer raining as they left the pub the wind blew a cold chill; it was the end of April and the only sign of spring were the daffodils that had sprouted along the hedgerows of the roads. Harry squeezed Nikki's hand,

"Wait in the car for me." He kissed her and handed over the keys. She did as she was told and wandered over to the car, as she got in she saw Harry coming back with his hands behind his back. He tapped on the window, curious she opened it,

"Can I help you sir? Are you lost?" She pretended. From behind his back Harry produced six large brilliant yellow daffodils,

"For you, my lovely." Lost for words Nikki took them from him and kissed him through the window.

As Harry finished parking the car in the parking designated for his flat he reached for Nikki's hand, "Thank you for spending the day with me Nik; I know you don't really feel like being out and about right now but I hope it was okay?" Nikki moved her face close to his,

"I loved it, every second." Harry moved even closer to her,

"Want to come up for coffee?" Nikki giggled her response,

"Oh Harry and you was doing so well," she unbuckled her seat belt and exited the car. Holding her daffodils close while smirking to herself she headed to the entrance of the building; she heard the car lock and then felt Harry's hands on her waist. By the time they'd reached the double doors their lips were feverishly searching one another's necks and mouths. As Nikki pulled Harry to her and lent against the wall the loud buzz of the door startled them both, they laughed into an embrace as a tall man came out. The man held the door for them Harry and Nikki headed for Harry's flat; suddenly Nikki stopped and looked back at the doorway, Harry followed her gazed but there was no-ne there,

"What is it Nik?"

"I thought… oh it's nothing, I'm being silly." She started to climb the stairs,

"Nik? You sure?" he followed her,

"Yes, it's nothing, come on you can make me a coffee, and before you get any ideas it's to go with my diazepam." She held her hand out for Harry to take,

"Ideas me? Never… I never have ideas." As they reached the right floor Nikki let go of his hand and ran to Harry's door picking up a massive bouquet of lush read roses that were laying directly in front of the threshold,

"Harry they're beautiful. Flowers twice in one day, you're spoiling me, I could get used to this-" Her smile disappeared the instant she saw the expression on Harry's face,

"Nikki _they_ are not from _me_." Her stomach lurched, she frantically found the card and read out the message:

**Dear Nicola, we hope you enjoyed our 'special' evening, we should do it again very soon, thinking of it always XX**

**I'm in the middle of the next chapter... hope this was okay... have trouble writing nice stuff if I'm not feeling 100% myself meh... please review guys 8-)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Thanks to (YAY)Faye (again) 8-) as this chapter wouldn't have been uploaded without her I didn't realise I had to delete stuff meh xxx**

**Chapter 16**

Harry stood holding the blood coloured bouquet by his side while he listened helplessly to Nikki vomit violently into the toilet. The significance of the roses being left carefully outside of his flat crept over his brain like an unforgiving disease, first however, he had to deal with the onslaught of terror that had possessed Nikki. Once he had unlocked the door to his flat Nikki had made a B-line for the bathroom, she was currently clutching the sides of the toilet bowl while her whole body heaved in an attempt to rid itself of the anguish and fear that overwhelmed her. Her hand reached for the flush, she then pulled herself to the sink, ran the taps and held her mouth to the cold rush of water. Harry stepped towards her and she heard the sickening rustle of the cellophane; she turned on her heels and held herself upright against the basin scowling at the grotesque intruders.

"OUT, get them out." Nikki marched towards Harry and pushed him out of the bathroom,

"Nikki-" Harry tried to avoid her shoves.

"Get. Them. Out." She tried to pull them from him and petals fell to the floor,

"Nikki calm down." He held the bouquet above his head.

"I don't want them in here; I don't want them anywhere near me. Why have you brought them in? Get rid of them Harry, get rid of them NOW." She was screaming at him whilst trying to wrestle the flowers from him.

"Okay, they're going in the bin Nik." Harry stood on the pedal to the bin when Nikki launched herself at him,

"NO NO get them out! Not in the bin; I don't want them in the same vicinity as me, Harry take them away." She wrapped her hands around the stems and as she pulled the thorns ripped into her skin,

"Nikki we need them, we need to keep them, there may be trace evidence, fingerprints fibres-" Nikki released her grip, stepped back and grabbed the nearest thing to her; the plate shattered as she threw it at the floor,

"Evidence? _Evidence_? Jesus Christ Harry, how much bloody evidence do you want? They raped me, they _both_ raped me, then beat me and then- and then raped me, they filmed it all, my house, the beer bottles are covered in their fingerprints, my bed… my bed is covered in their fibres, my body- oh God my body's swarming with their fucking DNA and you want _this_, _this_ vile souvenir of their accomplishment for _evidence_?" Harry dropped the tangled bunch of flowers to his side,

"I didn't think. I just thought- I mean, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Harry hid his tears from view as he looked at the flowers, when suddenly he realised "The card-" He knelt down and lifted the small pink card from the cellophane "_The Secret Garden_, it's the name of the company printed on the back of the card." He grabbed the rest of the bouquet from the floor and stepped over to his kitchen window; he dropped everything, including the card from his 7th floor flat. As he turned back to Nikki she flung her arms around him and released a squall of emotion into his chest. He held her tight, they both stood and cried; Nikki's were tears of torment and fear, Harry's of powerlessness and hate.

*

Nikki had changed into Harry's clothes that she had adopted as her pyjamas and was sat on his bed sucking the cuts on her hands made by the thorns. She listened as Harry spoke to the police on the phone explaining about the roses and where they could now find them. She heard him tell them about the company's name and she brought her legs close to her chest when he reiterated the message on the card. Nikki held out her hands in front of her, palms up and examined the deep small slashes on them. They stung; this made her angry at herself, she had once again allowed herself to be hurt physically by these two men. She sighed as Harry entered the bedroom.

"Here take these." He handed her over the painkillers and sleeping pills, followed by a glass of water; he disappeared out of the room and Nikki heard the crush of the plate she smashed being swept up. As she sat there her mind was harassed by a multitude of offences that had been committed on her body; she hated herself, she hated how she had made Harry feel but worst of all she hated not knowing why they had done this to her and why they were still tormenting her with their snippets communication. Harry walked into his bedroom and when he saw Nikki sat in a ball, rocking ever so slightly, staring- eyes glazed he hurried to her and sat beside her on the bed. He wrapped his arms around her letting her weep inconsolably until she finally spoke,

"They know where you live, they must know I'm staying here, I don't want them to come back, I don't want them to hurt me, to do _that_ to me again, I couldn't go through _that_ again." She wiped her eyes on her sleeve,

"Nikki, I will not leave your side, they will not ever hurt you like that again, they are cowards; they leave a text, a video, some flowers, they mean to scare you with a motivation of tormenting me and tomorrow we are going to the police station. The police have finally complied I.D photos from every male that attended the Dinner and they want you to go through them, they also have the photo still of the CCTV taken on that evening from the car park, albeit blurry but nonetheless it's something to compare it with. If they have to they will DNA test every man that was at that bloody Dinner, it may take some time but we will get him, both of them. I promise. We'll stay here tonight and if you want we will check into a hotel until they're in custody." Harry rubbed Nikki's back.

"But I just can't remember, I just can't no matter how hard I try to see his face and I can't." She banged her head with her knuckles as if to jolt the memory to life,

"I know Nik, but you might if you see the ID photos , just like how the video clip helped you to remember the driver's face, the one in the jeans-" Nikki started to cry again and managed through her sobs,

"Harry, I'm such an idiot- the- the man – the man who held the door for us- it was it was him- I thought it was my imagination- being irrational but it was him, from the car, in the jeans- I know that now- something about how he smiled at us- he- he smiled like that when- when he- he –I'm sorry I should have said, should have told you on the stairs but I was so happy, I didn't want to think about it and so- I – I just put it out of my mind because I-I'd had such a beautiful day with you- I'm sorry." Harry simply held her because he knew that the man at the entrance had made her feel unsafe but he too didn't press her for an explanation as to why as he was also lost in the moment, absorbed in their sweet day together.

"Nikki it doesn't matter, I should have got you to say what was on your mind but I didn't and so it doesn't matter we were happy and enjoying ourselves and that's all that really matters. We will find them, whether you remember the other man's face or not and he is the key to all of this, he was the one who attended the Dinner, if … when the police catch him he will naturally lead us to the other. Don't be so hard on yourself Nik… them being caught does not rely solely on you remembering one man's face okay?" He pulled back the sheets and they both climbed under,

"Harry, the door have you locked the door?" her voice was filled with tears and panic,

"Yes." He tried to sooth her,

"Are you sure? I mean did you double check? and the kitchen window is that shut properly? Did you put the chain across the door as well as lock it-" Harry climbed out of bed he knew that his home was secure but he wanted to reassure Nikki, he wanted to make her feel as safe as he could, so he went and tripled checked, calling out to her as he verified each window and finally the door. When he came back into the bedroom he watched confused as Nikki struggled with her hair,

"Nik what on earth are you doing?" He climbed in next to her,

"Trying to put my hair up but my hands are too sore; it's rather tricky." Harry took the hair band from her and did his best at tying her hair back for her,

"I'm sorry I ruined you special day, not exactly how you imagined spending the evening after visiting the pub from your childhood." Harry turned her to him,

"Actually it is." He grinned and kissed her raw hands.

"What?" she was perplexed,

"In bed with the woman I love." Their lips found each other and they kissed slowly. Harry cautiously lay her into the pillows and forced his hands to remain on top of her clothing. Several long seconds later he shifted his weight so that he was directly on her; he was anxious but he was careful not to make any sudden movements and he let her lead their kiss. Nikki cherished the feel of Harry on her lips, and on her body, she felt like she was his lover and that sensation made her feel somewhat relieved. She watched him intently as they kissed and feeling protected she closed her eyes...

"You're hurting me," it was a whine, Nikki pushed and kicked, she scrambled up so that her back was against the headboard. She pressed her fingertips to her temple and attempted to engage with her surroundings. She was on Harry's bed, she was clothed, she was with Harry not them, _she_ was in control. Nikki wrapped her arms around herself when she saw the pain on Harry's face.

"It's not you Harry, I swear it isn't you, you could never make me felt like that." She held out her hand, he took it and scooted up next to her.

"I know Nik… it has only been a week-" He placed a stray hair behind her ear.

"I remember things sometimes- and then I'm back there with them." Harry let her rest her head against him,

"Nik it's okay you don't have to explain-" He didn't want her to feel she had to explain, she had lived through their torment once and he didn't want her to feel that she had to describe what they had done to justify her fears of intimacy.

"I know but- but I want to, I want to tell you is that okay?" It was ok. He knew that this was good for her, good for the emotional healing process, yet he was terrified.

"Tell me what?... I mean of course it's okay Nikki, of course it is… you can tell me anything and I will try to be here for you as best I can." Harry was telling the truth but he was unsure of his reaction to what she was about to tell him, he wasn't ready to hear the full extend of what they had done to her. He already knew, but to hear it from Nikki was something he would never be ready for.

"Just being here and listening is enough Harry." She looked up at him with her large brown eyes waiting for a signal to know that it was okay to begin to tell him.

"What did you remember?" They knotted their fingers with one another's.

"How they got me home, I remember what they- what happened on the way back to my place."

**Next chapter will be much darker so just to warn you.... hope this one was okay xxx**


	17. Chapter 17

**This one's for me. xxxx**

**Chapter 17**

"_How they got me home, I remember what they- what happened on the way back to my place." _

You and Leo had left and I was annoyed with you for avoiding me, I had hoped that we would have finally got around to admitting our feelings for each other but it just didn't happen. I finished my drink and promptly drank several more. I was definitely feeling drunk, I felt quite tipsy before you had left but in retrospect it was clearly the Rohypnol taking effect. Charlie, Nigel and I danced and the room began to spin so I made my way to the ladies to sit and try to sober up a little.

As I reached the cubicle I thought of you and how I felt about us so I got out my mobile, I closed the toilet lid, sat down and proceeded to text you. I remember finding it difficult to text; my fingers wouldn't push the keys that I wanted them to. Finally after pressing send I knew it was time to go home; the world wasn't spinning, however my body wouldn't do what I wanted it to, it took me, what felt like a lifetime, to unlock the cubicle door. I should have recognised the symptoms of the flunitrazepam but I couldn't think straight; I simply wanted to get a cab and go home to sleep. I was heading back to the main ball room to let Charlie know that I was leaving; when I came out of the ladies, I still had my mobile in my hand, someone snatched it from my hand. It was _him_. He was taller and fairly broad frustratingly that's all that I can recall about his appearance.

He quizzed me about you as he searched through my mobile. I tried to grab it from him but he kept holding it above his head or behind his back. He then took my clutch bag from me, threw my mobile in it and then stuffed it into his trouser pocket. I was utterly annoyed but I didn't want to cause a scene, so I politely asked him to hand it back over but he point blank refused. He repeatedly touched my arm, telling me that I was drunk and that I needed my bed, he offered to escort me. I told him no, I demanded that he hand over my bag, he said that if I gave him a kiss he would hand it over and leave me to make my own way home. Aware that it was becoming more difficult for me to focus on what I was doing I thought I'd humour him, peck him on the cheek and call a cab. As I stupidly stepped in to kiss him he grabbed me and pulled me so that ours body's touched, I stumbled but he steadied me against him and covered my mouth with his, I tried to pull back, I really tried but he held me to him and forced his tongue into my mouth, repulsed, finally I pushed him away. He winked at me then strolled off towards the main exit.

Livid, I marched after him determined to get my bag and tell him what I thought. I struggled to get down the stairs; eventually I found him waiting for me on the street. When he saw me he walked around the side of the building into the car park. I just _had_ to find him and tell him how furious I was. As I turned the corner my legs fought to keep me standing except he was there and he seized me, pulling me further away from the main street into the silent car park. I swore at him, I told him to piss off; I asked who he thought he was going around stealing women's belongings, forcing his disgusting kisses on them. That was it, his eyes grew dark, he slammed me against the wall, he had me by my throat and bare back scraped against the brick; he smothered me with his rough lips, his hand thrust under my dress assaulting my thighs, searching for my knickers. I was terrified, I thought I knew what was coming, I pushed him away but each time I did he reciprocated my efforts with a vicious force. Frightened yet completely infuriated I refused to cry; I would not let this dreadful thing happen to me. He would not have the satisfaction of treating me this way, I put up a fight, I thought I had put up a fight, my strength and co-ordination slipped from me, all I could do was dig my fingers into him as hard as I could. I saw headlights, the car pulled up near to where we were struggling, I hoped the driver had seen what was happening, get out and help me, my panic dissipated for a second; I saw _him_ and the driver exchange depraved acknowledgements of my situation and my mind screamed at me. I remember loosing my footing and being dragged over to the car; he opened the door, thrust me on to the back seat and climbed onto me, I felt the car drive off.

His sordid weight paralysed me but I didn't care about that; I was taken against my will, held captive in a car by two strange men, one of whom had already assaulted me. I wanted to be home, I wanted to be back at the Dinner, I wanted to be with you Harry… anywhere, anywhere but trapped on the back seat of a car unable to move. They spoke to each other, the driver explained that he'd stolen the car, he said that he'd waited all night for 'the text' and that it shouldn't take longer than 15 minutes to get to 'hers'. I screamed and for that I was slapped across the face. My legs were forced apart, I couldn't stop him, I screamed again – this time I was punched, I could taste blood, my face throbbed but all I could think about was preventing him from doing what he wanted to do most. The driver laughed and told him to get on with it; I didn't want to cry, really I didn't but I couldn't help it. Again he prised open my legs, I felt him fumbling with his trousers, I couldn't match his strength so I spat in his face; he throttled me to near unconsciousness, I fought for air as he ruthlessly removed my underwear and the car stopped. He held his hand tightly over my mouth; I watched helplessly as the driver got out of the car and joined us on the back seat. He got out a small knife, I recall it being a typical Swiss army knife, he held it at my throat and dared me to scream; I wanted to, I wanted to defy him, I wanted to hit out, kick and punch but I didn't, I was pathetic, I didn't even look at him, I couldn't, I couldn't bare for him to see me defeated.

They each clambered from the car; the driver dragged me from my horizontal position to my feet. I could hardly stand, I felt like I was treading water, he pulled my arm around his shoulder and grabbed my hair close to my scalp to hold me upright. Hot pain seared across my head and down my neck and I yelped, the blade came to my throat and… and I apologised… Jesus Christ I apologised how pitiable? I hadn't noticed that we were outside my house; I concentrated on my feet; I was barefoot, the cold concrete was strangely soothing, it grounded me and it was a sensation that didn't cause me pain. We were a few meters from my front door, the one from the Dinner was dealing with the key; foolishly hope stirred within me, I considered that maybe they were here to ransack my house, I wanted them to steal, take my TV, my jewellery anything but the nakedness under my dress brought the brutal reality of the situation back to my attention. I thrashed about as best I could, it was futile, my hair was my puppet strings; I was directed by the evil puppeteer into my hallway. The door slammed and I was cast to the side, I flopped to the floor and lay in a heap, powerless as they toured my house like prospective buyers. My brain felt as though it would explode with frustration; each time I tried to stand I fell back against the door. I called out for you Harry… I don't know why I called out for you, I knew you couldn't hear me; I called out for Leo too. I even prayed that my annoying father would decide to call on me at such an hour. Instead my endeavours brought them back to me, stood sipping Heineken that I had bought for you, smoking and laughing at my failing attempts to defend myself. The driver, the one in the jeans knelt down, he stifled me with his selfish kisses, the grotesque mix of tobacco and alcohol made me wretch, I wanted him away from me, off me, the only thing I could manage was to bite, I bit down hard, gritting my teeth; both pairs of hands captured me and carried me up the stairs. The words they used and what they said resound through my mind now, "bitch", "slut" , "whore, you'll pay for that".

I was thrown onto my bed like a worn ragdoll. One held my mouth open while the other poured beer into my throat, I drank… I drank the beer… I didn't want to choke… they were in control of every last insult. Both men were laughing at me, taunting me, I could see that they were still smoking; led on my bed, as hard as I tried I was still unable to move, my body was lead and my mind wouldn't focus, nevertheless I knew that I didn't want either of them to stroke legs, or grope my breasts again. I screamed out for you Harry; in my mind it was a piercing scream, in reality it was barely a whimper. I fixed all of my strength and rolled from the bed onto the floor, I felt their callous hands on my skin and knew worse was to come.

**The next chapter is written but it's the rape scene... not decided whether to post it yet. But other chapters get lighter after that :) such is life x**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey thanks for all the reviews... it get's nicer after this I promise xx LOVE to AMY, FAYE, and BEE *hugs* (thanks Amy, help me lots with the end xxx)**

**Chapter 18**

_Nikki and Harry were sitting side by side on his bed. Harry's whole body tensed as he listened to Nikki decipher her memories. Her tone was matter of fact; as if she was explaining her findings from an autopsy, but occasionally her voice would break and tears would fall. He held her close, careful not to hold too tightly; he didn't want to hear it, any of it but she had lived this torment and in order for them both to survive this he had to listen to what she had to say, and try to somehow understand how she felt. He gently squeezed her hand to let her know that it was okay for her to carry on with her malicious recollections. _

They planted me back on the bed; I felt coarse denim on my bare legs, he was sitting on my shins with his legs swinging over the side of the bed. I focused solely on the end of his cigarette; the small bright orange light seemed to float in the air. The only other light in the room was from the landing shining through my open bedroom door; it created monstrous shadows that danced around the wall and across my face. My whole body was dense and using my shaking arms I tried to sit up, a hand covered my face pushing me back easily. Disorientated, I resumed my focus on the orange glow of his cigarette. I was asked if I wanted some, and, disgusted, I turned my head away; I felt him shift on the bed - my stomach lurched, then his face was inches from mine. He slowly and precisely blew sour smoke into my face. He pushed my dress up around my torso; suddenly I felt an enduring blistering pain on the outer part of my thigh, I couldn't see the floating orange light and I knew he was burning me, I must have screamed for you Harry… yes I did… because that's when he shouted at me "he ain't here, he ain't coming…" I don't remember what else he said. My flesh was branded with his cigarette, again and again, and they laughed, they laughed at me Harry and all I did was lie there… I know now that it was all that I _could_ do… I just felt so… so violated.

_Harry placed his hand lightly over Nikki's thigh where he knew the burns were hidden by the joggers she was wearing. Instinctively Nikki's hand rested on top of his, she looked up at him,_

"_Disgusting aren't they? I know you've seen them-" _

_Harry kissed his own hand and placed it back on the area where the burns were,_

"_No. They're not disgusting. Nothing about you is disgusting; what they did to you, that is… how they treated you, that is what is disgusting Nik." _

_He hoped that Nikki was tired and that she would drift off to sleep; he knew that she wouldn't sleep tonight - not until she had shared her horrors with someone else; someone who would just listen and not judge…_

He stood up, my legs were dead and I prayed that they would leave; my trembling hands strained to cover myself with my dress when I heard the sickening retort "bedding her for months… party started" I struggled to breathe, their intentions etched themselves onto my brain. I heard him undo his belt, the undoing of his zip echoed through my breathing; I felt the bed move, he climbed onto me, he was on me, his weight crushed me. The effort I had put in feebly trying to cover my body with my flimsy dress was now redundant; the friction from the ripping material stung my skin. His naked legs were against mine, his hot wet lips engulfed my neck, my cheeks, my mouth… my mouth, I fused my lips tightly together and tried as best I could to avoid his plundering kiss. I saw his balled fist raised above his head; it smashed down onto my ribs. Again. Again. Winded and gasping I felt him find me, his fingers intruded me, I cried for him to stop and then I pleaded… it hurt, they knew it and they didn't care.

He grabbed my hips, pulling me down the bed closer to him, I tensed, I cried, asked him not to, to do anything but that… The driver's cajoling dampened out my pleas. Harry. Oh, Harry, it was atrocious; it was tearing and bleeding and wounding, it was searing and ripping and grunting. My belly ached; my lower back paralysed by cramp.

It was raging fire, I was suffocated by his clammy skin. It was never ending. His rampant motion was constant and excruciating. He groped me, he hit me, his quick hot panting was torture. He emptied himself into me, the painful stretching replaced by nauseating dampness, his body relaxed and he covered my mouth with his; I thought it was over. I had been ravaged, and I wanted to die - I wanted to be with my mother Harry. They both had their turn Harry, why? And so, it happened again… and again… again, the unbearable pain, and again the agonizing cramping, and again, the paralysing violation…

_Tears fell more freely now, cascading down Nikki's cheeks and blurring her vision. Harry could see she needed him to tell her that he understood, and that he knew she had fought them. He carefully pulled her to him, still mumbling her story, incoherent through her tears; he held her close, stoking her hair and kissing her forehead, gently, lightly. He whispered to her words of comfort, he tried to reassure her that she was through the worst of it and anything else that they thought could hurt her was insignificant to what she had already suffered, flowers and text messages were cowardly. _

_He settled the bed sheets around them and told her to close her eyes. Nikki trusted Harry, he gave her an immense sense of security, although she was still shaken by her recollection she did as he suggested. She felt his smooth light fingertips dry her cheeks and she snuggled into the warmth and safety of him. _

_He couldn't have guessed what the time was when she finally drifted off into fitful sleep. He lay with her and watched her; with each furrow of her eyebrows, with each flinch of her body he petted her hair and murmured into her ears that he was there and he loved her. Finally, in sleep, Nikki Alexander was at peace. And that was enough._

**??? xx**


	19. Chapter 19

**This chapter is much less angsty! Hope it's okay. *Hugs* Faye, Amy and Bee (loving all my Kerry Ellis tracks now Faye!!)**

**Chapter 19**

It was Monday morning and it was 6:30. Harry was up before his alarm, watching Nikki sleep last night had left him exhausted, however he didn't mind, it was a small price to pay. He had already showered and dressed and now he sat drinking strong coffee at his kitchen table. His heart was heavy and he carried with him a sinking feeling; he felt awful and considered that if he felt this terrible how on earth did his Niks feel? He played out the plans for the day in his head. First he would drop Nikki at the Lyle Centre for Leo to watch; go down to the police station to discuss any findings with them also to see whether they had chased up the florist that the roses had come from. Then he would take Nikki out for lunch before she had to go through the lists of men that had attended the dinner. After that he would see what Nikki wanted to do for the rest of the afternoon to occupy her mind.

Nikki yawned and stretched before opening her eyes; she smiled as she did and turned in the bed to cuddle Harry, she was disappointed to find the bed empty but she heard him pottering about in the kitchen and the smile returned to her face. She felt the best she had felt since the attack. Talking to Harry last night had helped immensely. She had clarified events in her mind and shared the experience of the pain and torture she had endured, although she still could not see the face of the man from the dinner she was somewhat at ease about it since she had remembered what had happened in those missing hours. She was strong today and Harry was right, she had been through the most dreadful experience and nothing that _they_ could do or say now could compare to the suffering she underwent that evening.

She closed her eyes and moved over to Harry's pillow to breathe in the scent of him. Nikki contemplated her day ahead: get up, showered and dressed, with this thought came the added pressure of not knowing what to wear since she only had a few items of clothes at Harry's… she'd try her jeans. Then work, she wanted to go back to work, she loved it and _they _were not going to prevent her from doing what she loved, in her lunch break she would get Harry to take her to the police station to view the IDs of the men who attended the dinner, back to work then Harry could perhaps, maybe take her to her place to collect some more essentials, perhaps, she would see how she felt. The evening she would spend... kissing her boyfriend. Yes. That sounded like a very productive day. She climbed out of bed and headed to the kitchen.

"Good morning my beautiful, how are you feeling this morning?" He stood and poured Nikki a coffee, handed it over and kissed her cheek.

"I feel good, in fact I feel the best I have felt since… well since, you know," She sat down at the table and Harry pulled his chair closer to hers. "I'm going to get a quick shower and then we can go to work. "Nikki sipped her drink and vied Harry for his reaction,

"Okay, yes I'll drop you with Leo and then I'll go to the police station and then come back for you and we can go out for lunch-" He rubbed her back,

"What? You'll go to the police station without me? No Harry!"

"Nik it's okay you'll be with Leo"

"That's not what I mean Harry, I want to go along too, I was going to go in my lunch break-"

"Lunch break?" Harry though that he had misunderstood.

"Yes Harry my lunch break… I'm going back to work today." Nikki stood and poured the remainder of her coffee down the sink,

"Nik? Do you think that's such a good idea? It's only been … what 9 days? You've been signed off for a month Nik?"

"I am not sitting around for a month Harry. 9 days is enough, it's long enough."

"Look, Nik, if you are worried about being here on your own after last night with the flowers being left here, well I was going to take you into work but-"

"No Harry, that's not it, that's not it at all, well I mean I don't want to be here on my own, I don't want to be anywhere alone but _they _have taken enough from me, they have taken my dignity, and…and 9 days they will _not _take anymore. I thought you'd understand that Harry, I told you how, what they, I thought you'd understand-" She was beginning to cry, Harry stood and held her.

"I do, I do, Shh, shh I do understand I just meant physically, on your feet and with the diazepam… you shouldn't even drive or anything let alone perform PMs, you know that Nik."

"Well I won't perform any PMs, heaven knows I have lots of paperwork to catch up on and chase up the lab for various test results. I can still do all of that." She wiped her eyes and looked up at him.

"Yes, yes… I just had visions of you yielding the bone saw on some poor unsuspecting cadaver. I know you love performing PMs, I though that's what you meant when you said back to work." Nikki smiled at him,

"It was, until well you mentioned the diazepam; you're quite right I can't possibly get back in the cutting room yet but I can still _work_ Harry."

"Indeed you can. So Doctor Alexander, I imagine all of my plans for the day need to be readjusted, what have you planned?"

Nikki giggled at the fact that Harry knew her so well; she explained the basics of what she thought the day should entail. She then padded off to the bathroom and Harry proceeded to make them some toast. The shrill of his mobile startled him. The screen read DCI Kempster, he answered and the response from the female DCI was,

"We got the bastard. We think we've got the bloody driver."

**thoughts, comments, reviews? Nik xx**


	20. Chapter 20

**Sorry it's been a while :/ LOVES to FAYE, AMY and BEE and all my other lovely reviewers **

**Chapter 20**

Hot rage pounded through her veins like venom; her body tensed, her hands clenched into fists, her chest was tight and a small part of her consciousness told her not to reduce herself to their level. Her body ached with each wound that they had inflicted on her and all at once she felt that searing pain in her belly and the sickening cramping in her lower back, she tasted the bitter alcohol and smelled the sour smoke, felt the burning on her thigh, yet above all her fear screamed at her not to move an inch from the spot on which she stood. Tears rolled down her pale cheeks as the wrath within her rose like bile from the pit of her stomach… and he smiled; he smiled the smile that had demoralised her on the night she had been brutalised. She heard herself whisper "No", she refused to let the terror that she felt paralyse her any longer, right now in this moment, in this instant she was in control, this time she would make them hear her, she would make them stop their torments and their sneers.

Nikki Alexander launched herself at the man with the malicious smile. She grabbed his jacket by the lapels, it was coarse in her hands, she shook vigorously, she heard herself shouting; she pushed him and pushed him, she slapped him and hit him, she felt her arms being restrained and so ensued to kick out at him him, and when she could no longer reach him she spat at him. She struggled against the person holding her back, finally her arm was free, and so with fear and hatred she balled her fist and swung it with all the strength she wished she'd had on that fateful night. Her fist made contact, there was a snapping noise and there was blood, it was satisfying. Unable to focus, her world went blank.

**Two anxious hours earlier…**

Nikki sat opposite Harry in one of the private waiting rooms at the police station. She swallowed the last mouthful of her fourth coffee and proceeded to tear and rip the polystyrene cup; she watched intently as the white pieces fell to the floor. When the cup was demolished she again returned to biting her lips and then the skin surrounding her short nails on her fingers. The face of the driver whirled around in her head over and over, she was somewhat comforted by that fact that he was in custody but equally appalled at the fact that she was currently in the same building as him. She didn't feel safe, it was irrational but since he had indeed reduced her to nothing less than two weeks ago, it couldn't be helped.

They had been sat waiting for the DCI to return from interviewing him for over an hour, and 20 minutes ago Leo had arrived to take his DNA. At first, as they sat there Harry had been attempting to talk about anything and everything to try and keep her mind occupied on something other than the wait; after several non-committal responses from Nikki he understood that she wanted to be alone in her mind with her thoughts; right now she wanted to deal with them in her own way.

The door swung open and Nikki was noticeably startled, it was DCI Kempster. Harry moved to sit beside her, he went to hold her hand but she gently swiped him away. The DCI sat it the chair that Harry had vacated and held out a plastic evidence bag which contained a dark brown leather purse.

"This is what we found on his person, we've taken the liberty to look inside and the Visa, MasterCard driving licence; they're all yours, no cash left in it though."

Nikki clasped a hand over her mouth both from shock and to stifle a cry; she remembered the list of items she wanted from her house that she had given to Harry, he was unable to find her purse; _they _had taken it, after everything that they had taken from her, and the had taken so much, they had stolen her purse. She was outraged by the insignificance of their audacity. The DCI's explanations broke through her thoughts,

"He says he found it on the street but we know that's a blatant lie, the DNA test will confirm it's him."

"But what if it isn't, what if you've got the wrong man?"

"They haven't Nik-" Harry hated seeing her eyes fill with tears,

"Harry-" She was cross with him for assuming that it was him and that it was ok.

"We haven't, last night a couple of the lads on Club-Watch were called by the manager of a club in Soho, the bouncers caught him trying to deal Rohypnol or 'roofies' as they're known on the street. When uniform searched him they found your purse. It's got to be our suspect. I mean we won't charge him until you've made a formal ID."

"A… a formal ID?"

"You don't have to Nik we can wait for the DNA results-" again he hated those tears

"Harry that will take days, it's okay, I 'll do it… I will… I have to."

"Yes he's in the interview room; if you'd come to the observation side of the room you can make a formal ID through the glass. He won't be able to see you. I better get this logged and stored… I'll come back for you in ten minutes."

"Nikki-"

"Don't." She stood and crossed the room placing both hands on her head out of fear and frustration. She paced the small grey room and refused to look at Harry. She needed to be strong and she knew if she looked at him she would give in to his strength, hide in his embrace and tell him to make the pain stop. Nikki couldn't depend on that right now, she had to face this demon on her own, she had to know if the man in the interview room was indeed the monster from her nightmares; no DNA test could dampen these fears. She had to see if it was him, so that she could attempt to seek solace in the fact that although he would trespass into her mind he was no longer on the streets, watching, waiting, taunting with his cruel gifts. She felt Harry's arms encompass her; it was intoxicatingly safe, she felt protected in his blissful shelter and she wanted nothing more than to lean into him, absorb everything that is Harry and escape her cruel circumstances. Instead she stepped from him, folded her arms and shook her head dismissively.

"I can't Harry. I need to do this on my own, I don't know how to describe what I mean, I'm sorry but, just right now, I-"

"It's okay Nik, really just… I am here for you though, okay, always."

*

As Nikki was led into the room adjoining the interview room she felt as though her legs would give in from under her; she also felt Harry close behind and she was thankful. She looked directly at the floor refusing to accidently catch a glimpse of the suspect; she wanted to govern her emotions as best she could when she saw him. She slowly walked over to the large glass panel that separated the two rooms. She took in a deep breath and let it out carefully and controlled. Nikki raised her eyes slowly from the floor and gazed through the glass. At first she didn't see, she only saw her on weak reflection. And then… her heart stopped. Her hands trembled. She saw him. It was the driver; it was him, the one who had driven her to the nightmare, the one who had blown smoke in her face, burnt her with his cigarettes, the one who had raped her so viciously. She gripped the wall with one hand and held her lower abdomen with the other; she felt hot and cold at the same time, bile rose and before she knew it she had vomited. "It's him" her head whirled, she reached out to find Harry but he was pounding his fists on the glass and shouting torrents of abuse.

"Harry I need you." He stopped, he held her tight, rubbing her back he whispered encouraging words into her hair.

*

Harry held Nikki slightly as he guided her through the door of the waiting room. He was relieved that it was the driver that they had in custody and proud of his girlfriend for being brave enough to identify him. He wanted to take her home, curl up on the sofa, cuddle, eat junk and watch a movie. However he still had an unsatisfied urge to lash out at the man that Nikki had identified. Lost in his thought's he hadn't noticed the officers bring out the driver from the interview room. He heard Nikki whisper "No" and before he had chance to react Nikki was striding towards him. Initially he marvelled at her courage but then he heard her tirade and knew that she needed to be calmed, soothed and brought back into the present.

_How dare you, you bastard, I hate you, I hate you… you, you hurt me and you enjoyed it. I begged you to stop I screamed at you to. You disgust me. I hope you rot in jail for what you did, for what you're doing to me. Can you hear me? Do you hear me now? I said No! No, no no… stop, get away from me you vicious…_

Harry grabbed her arms and tried to pull her off him, she was strong, and determined, but he managed to separate her from him, just as he thought he had a firm hold of her she wriggled from under his strength and her arm escaped. She swung it hard and wide, there was a snapping noise and there was blood, it was satisfying. The officers dragged the driver into a cell. Nikki fainted in Harry's arms.

**YAY NIKKI well kind of... how was it xx**


	21. Chapter 21

**Sorry it's taken so long =/ next chapter is half done tho so should be up much quicker x**xx

**Chapter 21**

When Nikki regained consciousness she slowly opened her eyes and saw the grey world pass by from Harry's car window; Harry's coat was placed over her body and the seat belt fastened her in tightly. She glanced to the side and saw Harry deep in concentration and she knew he wasn't focused on the road; safe, she closed her eyes and drifted off knowing that Harry would take perfect care of her.

Eventually Nikki finally stirred, she was woken due to the fact that she was overheating; when she sat up she saw that she had been wrapped in several afghan blankets and she still had Harry's coat over her. She was on Harry's huge bed but the space where she wanted him to be was empty, she immediately sensed that he was cooking and her mouth watered; she hadn't eaten since breakfast and it was already dark out. Exhausted she collapsed back down onto the bed, hot and stuffy she managed to kick back the sheets and attempted to pull off her socks. Harry stood in the bedroom doorway with his arms folded laughing at her lazy attempt to rid herself of her thick socks,

"Harry! Don't just stand there and laugh, help me." She giggled too.

"But it's much more entertaining to watch you struggle-" Nikki shot him a look of disdain and immediately he was sat by her feet pulling at her socks.

"Sorry Nik, I meant-" He was ashamed with himself,

"No, don't apologise, I need to come to terms with the fact that for the rest of my life people will say things that mean one thing to them but something much darker for me… I guess." She shook her head to rid herself of the thought and changed the subject "Anyway. Harry why have I been wrapped up like an Eskimo? I woke up boiling."

"Oh, when we got back from the police station you were freezing I didn't want you to wake up cold so I took _extra precautions_; I'll have you know you looked snug as a bug in a rug Nikki Alexander." Harry rubbed her feet.

"Hmm, I was, thanks Harry." She smiled and then stretched and flexed her fingers on her right hand and saw that slight bruising had started to form across her knuckles.

"My hand's killing me, what on earth did I do Harry?" She examined her hand intensely.

"You –you don't remember?" there was worry in his voice,

"Well… sort of, I grabbed him didn't I?" She looked at Harry for confirmation,

"Grabbed him? Nikki you broke his nose! You belted him across the face; you pack a mean punch Nik." He moved up the bed so that he was sat at her side.

Nikki's eyes widen with shock and victory, "I broke his nose?"

"Yes." Harry took her sore hand in his and kissed it better, "Yes you did."

"Well… well, good he deserved it… he did deserve it didn't he?"

"Yes, yes of course he did Nikki, and much worse." He lay down next to her and pulled her in to him for a snuggle. They stayed like that for several minutes, in silence, feeling the beat from one another's heart, hearing their light breathing, secure in the innocent bubble that they had created for themselves.

"Do you think things will ever be the same for me Harry?" She shifted in his arms so that she was looking down at him; regret and pain were etched onto her pretty face. Harry considered his words carefully.

"No Nikki, things won't ever be the same. However things will be alright, in the end. And… well... we won't ever be the same-" Panic gripped Nikki's heart,

"Harry?" alleviating her worry he stroked her hair, placing the loose strands behind her ear.

"Well, I know my life will never be the same again because I have you, I love you and you love me and we have each other to confide in, something I have never really had before, and now we know how we feel about each other... we can build a life together, so no… our lives will never be the same."

Each thread from every emotion that Nikki had felt over the past two weeks unravelled; she was speechless, breathless and her heart was bright. Not only did she feel loved but she knew that the feeling was authentic and honest. Her eyes brimmed and through her tears she saw her bestfriend, her rock, her lover, she saw her future and her happiness, she saw Harry. Unable to respond coherently, she simply kissed him. She kissed him with fear and pain, she kissed him with the anxiety that she would never be enough for him… yet in spite of this she deepened the kiss, held him close to her and explored him with her tongue, the sensation of her lips on his brought her back from the dark indignity of her emotions and… and… she was kissing him, she was kissing him with hope, she was kissing him with desire but above all she was simply kissing him.

Right now, in this moment, being with Harry, in this way came naturally to Nikki. She shifted so that she sat straddling his waist and pulled at his jumper to enable her hands to roam under the material, she was lost in the feel of his skin oh her palms. Nikki, pleased at Harry's responsive moan into her slow kisses decided that this was something they should definitely make a habit of; she wanted him, she wanted his kisses, his touch, she wanted his caresses and his love. She felt his hands on her waist under her shirt, it felt incredible. She felt his arousal underneath her and she wasn't afraid him; she would never be afraid of Harry but... she did want to stop, at least for now, so she broke the kiss,

"Harry, is it okay if we stop? I want you, I'm just not ready for-"

Before she had even finished her sentence Harry sat up and placed his finger over her lips to quieten her.

"Shh… I'll be cross if you even _try _to explain." And for that he got another breath-taking assault on his lips.

A loud repetitive shrill pierced their ears and they both jumped from the bed in confusion. Harry headed towards the bedroom door muttering a colourful selection of words under his breath.

"What the hell is it Harry?" Nikki shouted as she sat back down on the bed,

"Dinner."

"What?" She stood and made her way into the kitchen, Harry was stood swatting the fire alarm with a tea-towel, with the beeping becoming evermore maddening, he found the mop and bashed the white plastic with its handle. It stopped.

"Oh Harry, now look what you've done..." She held her hand over her mouth to hide her smile,

"It's okay, I'll just get a new one fitted in the morning."

"No not the alarm Harry, dinner, I am starving… I can't believe you burnt it." She attempted her most serious expression.

"Well Miss Alexander I blame you," he walked over to her and pulled her into a bear hug, "for distracting me so completely with your kissing capabilities."

She giggle and then wandered over to the fridge, pulled open the damaged door and peered in.

"Harry, seriously, what are we going to eat? I'm so hungry, and your fridge has no suitable food in… unless you count high fat, super calorie microwaveable curries? I need edible food, fast."

"Okay, go and put your socks and boots back on; I'll take you out."

*

As Harry finished locking the door to his apartment, he took Nikki by the hand,

"Come on Nik, let's get you to MacDonald's-"

"What??" the disgust in her voice was real and Harry laughed,

"You said fast-food." Nikki hit him playfully on his arm,

"Harry… did you not observe me break someone's nose earlier?" Harry wrapped his arm around her and kissed her head as they headed down the stairs.

"Italian it is."

**Hope it was okay xxx**


	22. Chapter 22

**Thanks for my reviews I can't believe you can still be bothered to =/ THANKS. Thanks to David XXX ~~~ Amy *hugs* FAYE! Miss you this weekend hehe~~~ and Beee XO**

**Chapter 22**

It was Sunday. Sunday: the day of rest. Sunday: the Lord's Day. The day for lie-ins and house cleaning, the day for roast dinners and walks… Sunday: the day before a new start of a working week, the day for ironing clothes and sorting your work bag. Sunday. Sunday Sunday: it had been for hangover's and smeared mascara from the night before, for catching up on a busy week's missing sleep, but that was then and this is now. Nikki knew that Sundays, for her, would never hold the same sense and feeling as they once had. Now her Sundays would be about remembering. Remembering images and emotions she never wanted to recollect but nevertheless they were there haunting her, whispering to her, humiliating her. It had been two weeks since she had managed to call Harry on his mobile; two weeks since her body had screamed at her and she had dragged herself off her bed, two weeks since _that_ hot sharp pain. Sunday. Bloody Sunday: the day the of prying camera flashes and sympathetic faced nurses, the day of the hospital gown and evidence bags, the echo of 'swaps' and 'biological evidence'.

Nikki stood in Harry's kitchen, cereal bowl in one hand, spoon in the other munching her way through Co-Co Pops; Harry's choice in cereal was far from mature. She leant against the sideboard and smiled at the chocolate rice puffs as they 'turned the milk chocolatey'; she thought of Harry who was still asleep and snoozing peacefully in the next room. Butterflies fluttered through her stomach and she let them; she was in love, it was an amazing feeling and she had never felt anything quite like it, it numbed the most horrific emotions even if only for a few seconds.

With each sleepy blink Nikki was presented with the nurses, her ripped dress, and Harry's eyes avoiding her bruised body. She looked at the huge crack in the fridge and could still hear Harry pounding his fists on it. She felt that awkward shameful feeling that she had felt when Harry had to help her in and out of the bath. Nikki shook her head as she finished the last mouthful and tried to convince herself that no matter how disgusting she felt about her body, Harry loved her regardless. Her mind then drifted to the man in custody, the man who had caused her so much pain, she wondered what he thought about her and why he'd done what he had; she sighed and filled the kettle. It was 9:30 and she knew that two weeks ago Harry had come for her, carried her from her bedroom and saved her.

She owed him so much; how would she ever repay him? And then she remembered last Sunday when Harry had taken her to the pub from his childhood; he has shared something so exceptional with her and she had ruined his special day. She closed her eyes to stop the guilt from turning into tears; they'd had such a wonderful day last Sunday but then the roses arrived and she had screamed at him and she had divulged her filthy explanation of what they did to her. She couldn't believe how selfish she had been. Harry had taken care of her, fed her, made sure she was sleeping and listened to her fears and now she wanted to show him that she was utterly grateful and above that she loved him. It was Sunday, she recalled the name of the pub: Ye Olde Mitre Tavern and remembered Harry saying _you could say it's a Cunningham tradition or rather was _and that he_ swore to myself I'd never come again, unless it was with someone as equally significant as my dad, or someone I truly loved_. She knew what to do; her Sundays could be something so much more significant. Firstly, she needed to do something, she had been wearing the same set of clothes for two weeks and she had to get this next step over and done with… she needed Harry to help her.

Nikki made two strong coffees and felt a little better about the day ahead. She forwent the sugar in hers as her body was still recovering from the massive intake, thanks to Harry's childish cereal choice. Harry's mobile vibrated on the kitchen work surface and Nikki hoped it would be Leo she wanted to chat with him about the day she'd planned and how optimistic she felt about things in general. She reached over and pulled it from the charger; she froze, her eyes couldn't process the information on the screen: **NIKKI MOB**. She hit cancel and pressed the power button, the phone bleeped as it turned off. She hid the phone behind the pasta jars in the cupboard; her hands shaking. It was _him_, she knew it; reporting her mobile stolen hadn't even entered her head. The man from the dinner, the man who had hauled her into that car, what did he want?

"Nikki, what's wrong?" She hadn't heard Harry get up.

"Nothing. I'm fine." She was not going to let them ruin yet another day, especially this Sunday.

"You look as white as a sheet, are you sure that you're okay Nik?" He saw the two mugs of coffee and headed towards them.

"I … I feel sick-" it wasn't a lie,

"What? Why? Want to talk-" Nikki pushed past him-

"No Harry I mean I'm going to be sick-" Harry followed her to the bathroom and rushed to her side to hold her hair back as she heaved and wretched and emptied her breakfast into the toilet.

When she sat back and lent against the wall Harry wet a cloth with cold water and passed it to her as she tried to control her breathing.

"Feel better?" Nikki simply nodded. "What happened, Nik?"

"Nothing, nothing… I felt ill all morning, really… and your boyhood cereal didn't help," Harry frowned in confusion, "Co-co Pops, Harry, full of sugar and God knows what else, must have just upset my stomach… and I had a _really _sweet coffee, too much sugar I think when I already didn't feel one hundred per cent." She avoided his questioning eyes.

"Oh, okay, I'll fetch you some water to sip."

As Harry filled the tumbler with water from the kitchen tap he noticed Nikki's untouched coffee. He sensed that she was keeping something from him and it made him nervous. Nikki was already behind him when he turned to go back to the bathroom; there was something in her eyes that told him she wasn't ill.

"Nik you can tell me… if you want?" he handed her the glass.

"Tell you what Harry? I'm just a little icky that's all, there's nothing to tell." She lied and she felt terrible for it.

"You haven't drunk your coffee Nik… are you sure- I don't want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me-" Nikki looked at the cupboard behind him and then pulled a chair from the kitchen table; she contemplated telling him, but then she didn't want another Sunday spoiled by _them,_ yet she couldn't lie to Harry either. Nikki sat down and decided that she would tell him but it could wait until tomorrow. She knew that he didn't believe her 'too much sugar' story so she settled for a half truth.

"Harry, there's something I need you to help me with. I'm scared. I need to do it though. It's been two weeks. I can't do it on my own, I know I should… but I can't."

"Nik… just say it." He knelt down at her side.

"I need to go home. I need to get back in my house and reclaim it as mine; I don't know if I'll be able to stay there yet but I need to get back inside at the very least." Harry smiled, kissed her and hugged her,

"Nikki, try not to worry, I'll be right there with you."

**I promise to update soon... especially since I have other more pressing things to do hehe xxx**


	23. Chapter 23

**This one is for my year 12s since I wrote this whe I should have been marking their coursework heheh *evil grin* Thanks for my lovely reviews guys specail *hugss* for Faye, Amy and Bee**

**Chapter 23**

Two figures stand holding hands in a porch way; passers-by would assume that the couple are waiting for someone to answer the door and let them in from the harsh breeze; the man with the dark hair is waiting for a signal from the blonde lady but the blonde lady is waiting for courage. The cold chill from the wind is welcomed by Nikki as her neck is hot and she feels stifled by trepidation; she grips Harry's hand as she stands staring at her front door. It seems huge, much larger than it actually is. She doesn't want to be there however she has to do this; she has to prove to Harry that she isn't weak or fearful and that she is strong like he believes she is. The lump in her throat grows as she remembers the last time that she stood here… she can feel the comfort of the cold concrete on her bare feet marred with the tight pulling of her hair… Nikki closes her eyes and clasps her free hand around hers and Harry's. When she opens her eyes she sees Harry looking down at her, his expression is stern but she knows that he is biting back anger. She nods towards the front door.

As Harry turns the key in the lock he feels Nikki trembling beside him. He pushes the door and lets it swing open; he turns to Nikki, kisses her forehead and whispers reassuring words, nonetheless she doesn't hear them. Harry walks into the hallway and hopes Nikki will follow his lead. He wants her to do this, he wants her to have her home back, to reclaim it as her safe haven but he is not naïve, he expects nothing from her, he is simply here. Nikki is not the only one who feels nauseous; Harry's head is light and he is fighting his need to hit and punch something because right now he is acutely aware of the fact that he doesn't know how to help her.

Nikki reluctantly steps over the threshold and carefully closes the front door behind her. Once again the house seems dead and nothing stirs. She looks at the walls and notices the swirl and texture of the emulsion; she doesn't want to look anywhere else. But she does. She forces herself to look at the floor where she stands; she sees herself failing miserably to pull her body up from the ground and she sees herself flop to the floor in a heap. Nikki folds her arms tightly across her chest and makes her way in to the living room; the first thing she notices are her plants. They haven't been watered for two weeks and it shows. As much as she tries to tell herself over and over 'they are only plants, they are only plants' somehow each dry withered leaf burns her more than their cigarettes did.

She shakes her head, pushes past Harry, quickly removes her coat and throws it on her coffee table. She heads to the kitchen and begins to stack the few breakfast items that have been left out since the morning of the Annual Institute Dinner. She opens her dishwasher and mutters her relief when she finds it is empty; she pulls out the top rack and slams in the mug, plate and cutlery. After she has thrown in the soap tab, she bangs the door shut; she turns to Harry, his eyes are wide and he hasn't moved an inch.

"Harry are you okay?"

"Yes… I… are you?" he goes to sit down on her sofa,

"Don't! Harry don't sit there, _they_ sat there, I don't want you siting where they did-" Nikki fights to steady her emotions "I mean… I think I'll get cleaners in."

"Okay, it's okay… I'll just… stand." He leans against the jamb of the door.

Nikki stares at her fridge; she knows that there are perishables in there that need throwing out but that isn't the reason she wants to look inside. She pulls the door open and eyes the cardboard box; it now only contains one bottle of beer. It _is_ true. It _was_ her beer; they had helped themselves to so much. She slams the door so hard that the whole fridge rattles. She kicks at it, opens the door and slams it again much harder.

"Fuck- bastards, you, you… God I hate you." Harry wraps his arms around her and gently guides her from the kitchen.

"We don't really want to go shopping for two new fridges do we?" He attempts a smirk and this entices a slight teary giggle from Nikki.

"Nikki, what do you want to do? I mean do you want to hang out here for a while or just see how you feel about being here?"

"I don't know Harry. I feel sick here, everything I see reminds me of that night. Everything I touch, smell reminds me of that night; it's as if what happened to me here has erased any good memory I have ever experienced here. Even with you now, in broad day light I don't feel safe. I don't feel safe here and it terrifies me that I feel this way about somewhere that I should be able to call home. I know that it's stupid, pathetic… it's been two weeks-"

"Nikki-"

"But I will be strong, I can be, I want to be for you, I can show you I'm not weak-"

"Nik-"

She is already making her way up the stairs and Harry is at her heels. She picks up her pace and he calls after her, Harry knows that she is resilient, but this is clearly too much for her right now; she doesn't need to prove anything. Nikki stops dead in her tracks and Harry collides with her. They stumble into Nikki's bedroom.

The curtains are partially drawn, and the lack of natural light adds to the sensation that the room holds a terrible secret. Nikki's trinkets from her bedside tables are strewn across the floor and the air is stale with the pungent smell of cigarette smoke. Nikki never takes her eyes from her bed; it has been stripped down, forensics have taken the sheets for analysis, but she doesn't see the bare mattress, instead she sees herself half naked, ravaged and helpless. She steps over to the bed and places her hand on the hard mattress; she is crying now but they are silent tears. Harry watches her and sees the vacant expression that has consumed her pretty face.

"Nik- come on, let's go." She shakes her head slowly and perches herself on the edge of the bed. She doesn't take her eyes from it.

"Nikki, let's go. I don't want you to be here, you're not ready; we can come back another day. Just take some more things that you need-"

"No. I'm okay." She is sobbing now.

"You are not okay Nik-"

"Don't tell me how I feel Harry. I know how I feel."

"Right. Well, tell me then… tell me... how do you feel?" He moves to sit beside her on the bed.

"I… I… well I feel sick, physically sick. I'm angry that I couldn't stop them. I'm ashamed. I'm afraid. I'm furious that they have taken so much from me: my confidence, my pride and… and now my home. I don't feel like this is my home, not my hallway, not my front door, not my kitchen or fridge and here… this room… not only have they taken claim on my body but everything physical that I could call mine… Well everything except you and I can't even…" She picks at the flesh surrounding her nails.

"What? Can't even what?"

Nikki looks Harry in the eyes and when she realises she has his full attention she places her arms seductively around his neck. She moves her face close to his so that he can feel her hot breath on his lips; she subdues him with a stupefying kiss, deepening it with each beat of her heart. Completely in control she shifts her body so that she is sat across his waist; she slowly pushes her weight down onto him and when she's nibbling his neck, it is only then that Harry realises she has him pinned against the bed. He wants to stop her, he knows he should stop her, he knows why she's doing this, but it feels amazing and he has wanted this for so long. He feels her hands on his skin under his shirt and he is mesmerised by her. Her kisses sweetly suffocate as she reaches for his belt and frantically undoes the buckle. He is hard and he feels her reach for him; dizzy it takes him several seconds to realise that her laboured breaths are from holding back her sobs and that her tears are flowing freely.

"Oh Nikki. Stop. This won't help… and I can't do this." He gently manages to push her off him and begins to reorder his clothes. She tries and fails to push him back down.

"Yes, yes it will, it will help. I love you and I want you to help me, I want you to make it all go away, I want to feel loved by someone that I love… and feel your touch, and not hurt and used, filthy and disgusting."

"Nik this isn't-"

"I want this. I want you. I need you to do this. The last time I was in this room, on this bed I was helpless, what they did was so sordid and repulsive. But… but what we can do here won't be like that; it will make things better… If I can just-" tears streamed.

"This isn't what you want."

"It is Harry, please."

"Nikki no. _You're _sobbing."

"Yes it is! I used to be able to have sex with any one I chose to and…and now the one person I want more than anyone or anything I doesn't want me because I'm revolting and used-"

"That is not true Nikki."

"Yes it is! Otherwise you would do this for me, and you would help me to do this."

Harry pushes her back into the bed and purposefully imposes his weight on her.

"Okay I want you. I want you right now Nikki. I have wanted you for ages more than you know; let's do it now, right here, is that what you want? Is that what you _really _want?" His voice is raised.

"Yes." There's panic in her eyes and she is thankful for Harry's hesitation, "No. I can't. Why can't I?"

Harry stands up and pulls Nikki to her feet, he wraps her into his protective embrace and tries to explain what he doesn't fully understand himself.

"Because Nik. Because you were hurt, some men hurt you and forced you to do something against your will. And having sex will not change that. And having sex here with me will not change that, I wish it would but it won't, and I'm sorry for that."

"They did hurt me."

"I know they did, and they still are. It will take some time. I'm angry and I feel guilty too for not being there when I should have been. They have hurt us enough, been involved with our lives enough; the last thing I want is for them to have any bearing on our first time together and neither do you… it will happen when it happens... and it will happen."

"You won't get bored of waiting?"

They stand there holding each other in silence for minutes. Until finally, Harry breaks the silence.

"Get your coat."

"What?"

"Let's get out of this Godforsaken place Nik."

"Harry!"

"I don't want to be here anymore than you do, you're moving in with me."

The smile that possesses Nikki's face is wonderful and in turn Harry's butterflies make him giddy.

"Now wait in car, I'm going to grab some more clothes for you, any requests?"

Nikki presses her tear stained face into his neck, grins and kisses him,

"My own pyjamas…"

**Hope it was okay and made sense I wrote the majority of this on 3 glasses of wine XX**


	24. Chapter 24

**Sorry it's been ages but stress got in the way... grrr**

**Chapter 24**

After Harry had finished stuffing the majority of Nikki's clothes into bin liners, and after they had spent the afternoon sipping hot chocolate in the quintessential English pub from Harry's childhood, Harry and Nikki were finally sat snugly on his sofa. Nikki lightly dozed to the black and white images from _Now Voyager_ while Harry massaged her bare feet. He relished the feeling of her soft, smooth skin on his fingertips.

"Nik? Are you warm enough?"

Content, Nikki mumbled something incoherent, she seemed happy enough, therefore Harry presumed that her non committal response was a: _Yes Harry, I am warm enough. _Harry relaxed into the sofa and let his heavy eyelids close. He was exhausted, it had been a terrible two weeks yet from all of the pain and the madness he and Nikki had found each other, committed to one another; they had at long last admitted how deep their feelings ran. Just as Harry was about to drift into oblivion, his house phone pulled him back into his living room. Nikki didn't stir. Carefully he managed to manoeuvre himself from under Nikki's feet without waking her. He padded over to the phone and his sleepy answer was met by a frustrated Leo.

"_Harry__, where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick; is Nikki with you?"_

"Yes. She's here; she's sleeping – what's wrong Leo?"

"_I've been ringing your mobile all day but it's switched off and then I rang here several times and there was no answer, where have you been?"_

"We've just been out. We went to Nikki's to get her some more things and then we went for a drive and-"

"_Well why didn't you have your mobile on you; what if there had been an emergency Harry__-"_

"Leo calm down, we're fine, _Nikki_ is fine. My mobile probably went dead; I'll stick it on charge and then you can call or text me to your heart's content. Look we'll both be in work tomorrow."

"_Okay, okay… but you're both fine?"_

"Yes Leo, I promise, I'll get Nikki to text you as soon as my mobile's charged okay? I'll see you in the morning."

"_Good. Yes__, see you tomorrow."_

Harry's heart warmed as he replayed Leo's phone call over in his mind, he was grateful knowing that he had Leo looking out for Nikki, he knew that Leo was looking out for him too. Harry scanned the work top for his mobile; he checked his pockets and then the pockets of his jacket which was hung on the back of a kitchen chair. No luck. He wandered to the bedroom and checked his bedside cabinet and then checked under his pillows. He was gradually becoming annoyed by his inability to find it; he knew that it was most likely to be somewhere right in under his nose. He even checked the bathroom cabinet. Still no luck. He spotted his car keys on the coffee table in front of where Nikki slept. As he lifted them the harsh jangle startled Nikki from her sleep.

"Harry!" She sat bolt upright in panic, her eyes searching.

"Hey, hey, it's okay I was just getting my keys, just getting my keys." Harry ran his fingers through her soft hair and rubbed the back of her neck with the palm of his hand.

"I … I … hmm it just made me jump." Nikki felt ridiculous but tried to tell herself that it wasn't her fault that she felt completely vulnerable. "Keys? Harry where are you going? Are you going out? I don't want to be alone- please don't go-"

"No, no- I'm just going to the car- I'm not going out- just to see if I've left my mobile in the car. Leo called worried that he couldn't get hold of us today, my mobile must be off somewhere but I can't find it. I'll be back in two mins. Okay?" He was making his way to the door and Nikki was on her feet, biting her fingers, fretfully following him.

"Lock the door behind me; I'll only be two minutes." He kissed her cheek and shut the door.

Nikki's fingers rushed to turn the lock and put the chain on. Nervous about being left when the man from the dinner was still out there taunting her, nervous for not being honest with Harry about the whereabouts of his mobile and for letting him waste his time searching his car. Anxious, she rested her forehead against the door and closed her eyes; she imagined grabbing the mobile from its hiding place and stuffing in the bottom of the kitchen bin. Another battle _they _would win? She would have to tell Harry about the phone call this morning, how it had been from her mobile, he would know that she had been weak. Her head hurt and her eyes stung.

"Niks it's me, let me." She opened the door as quickly and clumsily as she had locked it. The door had barely opened when she threw her arms around Harry.

"Hey- I wasn't gone that long, what is it Nik? What happened?" She stepped back from him and let him lock the door. She slowly walked over towards the cupboard where the mobile was stashed and lent against the work top. She stuffed her trembling hands into her pockets; ashamed, she couldn't look at him.

"What is it?" he laughed uneasily.

"You didn't find your mobile in the car, did you Harry?" She shook her head and shrugged her shoulders.

"No. No I didn't… why? Do you know where it is? Nik?" Harry stepped in front of her placing his hands on her shoulders willing her to look at him.

"Nikki? What is it? You're shaking?" He attempted to pull her into an embrace but she stiffened and crossed her arms securely against her chest.

She had no idea where to start; she considered the horrors that she had revealed to him and in comparison this seemed rather trivial but she had never lied to Harry. Should she begin by explaining that a phone call from_ her_ mobile had frightened her to the point where she had been physically sick and that this morning she had lied to him about that, or by explaining that she knew exactly where his mobile was, had thought about it all day and that when he went to the car to look for it she had been too pathetic to tell him the truth. She weighed up her options and decided to simply speak; whatever came out first would be left to her confused mind to choose.

"Harry, please don't be cross with me." She still avoided his eyes.

"Why would I be cross?" again the nervous laugh.

"I hid your mobile. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. But I didn't know what to do. I was afraid, scared. I just-"

"What?" Harry tried to interrupt,

"I just panicked. I was thinking about how Sundays used to be and how since- well they will never be the same-" Nikki was pacing, arms still folded tightly.

"Nik? You hid my mobile?"

"- and I want Sundays to be about you and I and being together not what they did-"

"Nikki- Nik- what are you talking about?"

"-and then he rang and I just hid it, I didn't want them to ruin the third Sunday in a row, and now he has, _I_ have. I'm sorry." Harry grabbed her by the elbow and sat her at the kitchen table. He knelt beside her and carefully unfolded her arms; he took her hands and held them in his to try to stop them from shaking.

"Nikki, who did you speak to on my mobile this morning?" his voice was level and calm.

"I didn't speak to anyone. It only rang but it was my mobile that was calling you. _My _mobile Harry."

"- and then you hid it?"

Nikki swallowed hard and nodded her response, as she saw fury flash through Harry's eyes.

"I turned it off and then shoved it behind the pasta jars in the cupboard. I'm sorry."

"Nikki will you please stop apologising. It's okay-" he was angry but not with her, never with her.

"But I'm sorry for lying to you Harry, truly I am."

"You haven't lied to me... you... withheld information." He smiled.

"Isn't that the same thing Harry." It was a statement.

"Does it make you feel any better?"

"A little… thanks Harry." She lent to kiss his cheek and decided that she wanted his lips.

"Right. Nikki. I'm going to switch my mobile on, text Leo on your behalf and then turn it off okay? Then we sleep. I'll call DCI Kempster in the morning and tell her about the phone call; then we'll cancel your contract." Nikki's tears dried before they had chance to escape.

"I told Leo we would be in work tomorrow." Nikki's face beamed "-no PMs Nik, Doctor's orders, but you _can_ sit at my desk."

As Harry stood, Nikki stood with him and pulled him close to her. She snuggled into his neck, lightly kissed under his ear and muttered,

"If you _really _loved me... you'd let me have the desk."

**Hope it was okay, I know it wasn't great, that's what marking does to you meh =(**


	25. Chapter 25

**Sorry it's been ages. Thanks btw too =)**

**Chapter 25**

The sky was dark and as dawn approached the swollen clouds turned a bleak grey. The wind was wild and the rain hammered the windows of Harry's bedroom but the couple on the bed slept oblivious to the awful weather outside. The dark haired man's body was half wrapped around his love. His light snoozing mirrored his contentment, blissfully happy in his deep sleep. The blonde lady, his love, stirred completely unaware of her devoted protector; she was smothered by pain in darkness; she frowned and fidgeted…

_And so, it happened again… and again… again, the unbearable pain, and again the agonizing cramping, and again, the paralysing violation…__ feel trapped, claustrophobic, want to move, afraid to move but can't…_

Nikki finally willed her eyes open; she was in bed. She was in Harry's bed. She was safe yet she was afraid. Harry's loving arm was now a dead weight across her chest, his protective hold now made her feel confined. She wanted to move but she couldn't, or rather she knew she shouldn't; this was Harry whom she loved, he was not going to hurt her, nonetheless anxiety and panic slowly grew like a guilty conscience. She fought it back, breathed steadily and deeply. Her eyes were wide as she absorbed her loving surroundings. She listened to the wind and the rain attack the window, she listened to Harry breathing. And still the panic rose. Nikki turned her face to Harry's to examine his jaw line, his lips, his delicate eye lashes and she considered kissing him but the weight of his arm and his physical proximity stifled her; she wanted him away from her. Her skin was clammy and her pulse began to race through her veins as she tried to tell herself that it was _Harry's_ body pressed against hers, _Harry's_ arm over her. Nikki decided that she was a terrible person because after everything Harry had done she didn't want him near… even when she remembered the fact that he loved her regardless, still wanted to touch her in spite of everything, but she wanted him away from her. The more she thought about this, the more disgusting she felt; his embrace slowly became their callous hands. She couldn't bare Harry near her revolting body. She struggled from under him and headed for the shower.

Harry's body instantly missed the warmth and contact from Nikki. He yawned and stretched trying to find her in the empty space beside him. Uncomfortable, he eventually prised open an eye which was greeted by the harsh green illumination of his digital clock, 04:53. The familiar sound of the bathroom taps forced his half conscious brain to think, _Nik's gone the loo, be back in a sec_. Exhausted he promptly resumed his light snoring, his body outstretched on the bed.

The next time Harry managed to open his eyes the clock read 06:27; it was another hour until the alarm was due to go off and after the initial joy of that realisation, he became conscious of that fact that Nikki's side of the bed was still empty. He listened out for her morning ritual of making coffee and toast but instead all he heard was the constant drumming of the shower in the bathroom. He thought it was a little early for her to be taking her shower, but he rolled over and drifted in and out of sleep for another 20 minutes until he finally pulled himself from the bed to ease his hunger pangs with cereal and toast.

Nikki stood under the scolding water and scrubbed the shampoo suds from her hair for the fourth time that morning. She pulled a sodden section of her hair to her nose; she could still smell their cigarette smoke and alcohol. She pressed her fingers into her scalp and rubbed as hard as she could, until the water ran soap free. She again grabbed the sponge and squeezed an excessive amount of shower gel on to it; she turned her neck to examine the healing bite on her shoulder and began her cleaning assault on the wound. It stung but she needed to make sure that there was no trace of them on her, no matter how microscopic. She attacked every inch of her body in this way until she was drained of energy; she stood arms folded underneath the steaming water, still able to feel them on her bare skin.

The firm knock on the bathroom door and Harry's concerned voice startled Nikki and made her drop the bottle of conditioner.

"Nikki? Have you drowned? You've been in there for nearly an hour."

"I'm just- I'll be out in a minute Harry."

Harry made another pot of coffee, drank another mug full and sat waiting anxiously in the kitchen listening for the drumming water from the shower to cease. It had been 20 minutes since he knocked on the bathroom door and something told him that this was not a good sign.

Nikki watched the water wash over her pale skin, she felt hot and a little dizzy but all she could think about was getting clean. She was erasing every sordid touch from her body, for herself, and for Harry, she had to be clean for Harry. She had tried to get out of the shower an hour ago but as soon as the water stopped running she felt grimy, filthy, she was sure that she could see and feel their DNA on every cell of her being. She refused to get out of the glass cubical until she felt uncontaminated. Once again Harry knocked on the door but this time he slowly opened it, sticking his head around, eyes to the floor.

"Nikki, you need to get out of the shower, you are going to be late for work, and I need to shower too."

"I'll only be a minute Harry."

"You said that nearly half an hour ago, Nik-" he attempted to hide his concern,

"So?"

"So you'll be washing away your skin- come on, there's coffee and toast waiting for you."

"Harry just give me a minute, I want to make sure I'm clean-"

"What? Nik come one, you'll wash off all of the 'good bacteria'-" He attempted humour,

"Leave me alone, I will get out when I am ready-"

"Nik, what's going on? What's wrong?"

"I can't get clean, I can taste, smell them on me; I can see their mess on me, Harry I-"

"No you can't Nik, that's impossible" he entered the bathroom and pulled a large towel from the rack.

"Harry!" she was angry,

"I'm not looking, besides I can't see you through the frosted glass."

"Harry! Get out, leave me alone."

"Nikki, get out of the shower, this is silly-"

"No, it's not silly, I can't get clean, I can't-" She was becoming hysterical,

Harry pulled back the glass screen to the cubicle, thrust his arm in and attempted to turn off the shower however this proved futile as Nikki pushed him and tried to shut the screen on his arm. Undefeated, Harry forced the small glass door open, stepped in and wrapped the towel around Nikki's slight frame. The water sprayed his eyes and his clothes quickly became sodden. Nikki cried, and pummelled him with her palms, and when Harry lifted her she kicked and screamed,

"I don't want to, please don't make me, get off me, please don't-"

Harry's heart shattered into a thousand pieces but he knew he had to get Nikki away from the water, he also knew she didn't want him to move her but it was the only way; he knew how stubborn she was. He carried her struggling form to the sofa, sat down and held her firmly to him as she still writhed and thrashed in his arms. Harry tried to console her, telling her that she was clean, it was only in her head, and she wasn't disgusting and never had been.

At long last Nikki became weary, and her body became limp; she clutched his T-shirt, crawled into his lap and cried. She cried whole heartedly, she cried for Harry never to leave her, she cried for what they had done to her. Tears of injustice, but above all tears for herself. When the anguish had subsided, and the sound from her sobs were replaced by Harry's light breathing, she looked up at Harry and he responded by gently kissing her forehead. Nervously, Nikki waited for Harry to speak; she was ashamed and horrified at herself, but these emotions were settle by Harry's wonderful smile,

"Well… it wasn't exactly how I imagined our first shower together, Nik." He too waited anxiously for a response.

"God I love you Harry Cunningham."

**Hope it was okay. Will update quicker now =P**


	26. Chapter 26

**It's kinda random but it all links to the plot ... I think =/, well it will eventaully =) *huggs* for Amy xlots, and heyyyz fayyyyezzz * hug * and Bee, hope you had a lush week XXX**

**Chapter 26**

It was 10am when Harry and Nikki finally arrived at work. Nikki sipped coffee with Leo in his office and immersed herself in his fatherly company until he eventually left her sat at Harry's desk with a stack of paper work. Harry had reluctantly kissed Nikki goodbye, he was required at the scene of a road traffic accident. He'd been gone 2 hours and Nikki was already beginning to feel anxious in his absence. Lonely, she wandered down to the observation room and sat watching Leo perform his PM. She wished it was her that was in the cutting room but she knew it would be 2 more weeks before she would be making a Y-incision; she still couldn't drive on the diazepam, as she felt drowsy most of the time. Nikki flicked the switch to the speaker,

"Leo?" Boredom echoed through the cutting room,

"Nikki, are you spying on me?" Leo's eyes were fixed to the white Caucasian on the slab.

"Leo, you know that I can't perform PM's for another 2 weeks at least, don't you? How are you going to manage with the work load, you and Harry can't carry my PM's between you-"

"Don't worry about it Nik, it's all been taken care of. The coroner has contacted a pathologist from another sector; he's going to fill in for you until you're ready to come back." He looked up and checked her response.

"Oh." Nikki was frowning.

"Nik- it's literally to cover you while you're off-"

"I _will_ be coming back Leo, and-"

"Nikki, I know, we are not replacing you. Relax." He smiled to reassure her.

"Good." Nikki fiddled with a loose thread on her cuff.

"So who is he, this replacement?"

"Nikki!"

"I'm only joking Leo, seriously though… who is he? Do we know him?"

"Yes. He's stepped in to help us out once or twice, Lister Hughes the one who-"

"-Yes, the one whose nose Harry broke, all over a glass of spilled wine. Does Harry know?" Nikki's laugh was loud and girly.

"No. I haven't told him yet, _I'll _tell him when he get's back, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything until I have spoken to him, okay Nik? … and it wasn't_ just_ over a glass of wine, Harry had totally humiliated him, they'd been brow beating each other all week."

"Hughes' findings on the PM he did were completely erroneous and Harry simply… corrected him." Nikki grinned at the memory of Harry and herself performing a second PM in the early hours of the morning. In retrospect she could see how desperately Harry and her flirted and wondered how they hadn't got together sooner.

"As I recall Nik, you certainly didn't help matters… what was it you said to him? _You have delusions of adequacy, your breadth of pathological knowledge runs from A to B and I wouldn't be seen dead on a date with you even if you did have the luxury of performing my PM… _yes, Nikki very helpful." Leo laughed too.

"Well he deserved it he was a complete moron. Still is no doubt. Please let me be there when you tell Harry, his face will be a picture."

It was nearly one thirty when Harry arrived back at the Lyle Centre. Leo told him about Lister Hughes filling in for Nikki over the next few weeks; his face radiated disgust and embarrassment in equal measure. Unfortunately, Nikki missed out on Harry's reaction as she had curled up on the sofa in Leo's office and nodded off. After Harry had dealt with the PM's from the road traffic accident, he showered and changed. He was angry and irritated that Hughes was coming in to 'help' them deal with the added work load; he knew seeing Nikki would make him feel better and so he headed up to the office.

Nikki woke instantly to Harry's sweet kiss on her forehead. Harry pulled her sleepily into an upright position and sat beside her letting her rest her head on his chest. He was happy. Harry knew that with Nikki he could feel like this, always.

"Has Leo told you about my replacement?" Nikki managed through a smile and a yawn.

"Hughes is most definitely not replacing you! I can't believe Leo's having him back here, after last time." Harry's hold subconsciously tightened on Nikki,

"It's not Leo, it's up to the coroner. Anyway, that was almost two years ago, he might have… changed-"

"Or learnt his lesson. I just- urgh I can't stand him, he's a total prat-" Harry siged comtempt,

"You dislike him Harry because he asked me out", Nikki jabbed at his ribs with her index finger,

"He did _not_ ask you out Nik, he lied and said he'd been on a date with you, insinuated that he'd slept with you-" again the distain in his voice,

"The only reason he did that was because he knew it would aggravate you, he knew that you was completely right about the PM and he wanted to have something to... upset you with."

"Why on earth would that have upset me?" Harry mocked,

"Harry!"

"Okay… okay yes, I fancied you, but he only really wound me up when he threw his drink over you, what was it you said to him?"

"Delusions of adequacy."

"Ah yes that was it. Well Hughes certainly won't be here to lighten the load; we'll have to double check everything that he does. Plus I have to make sure he knows that we are officially romantically involved to impede any attempts to flirt with you."

"Oh Harry relax he wasn't that bad. And it will only be for two weeks, unless you and Leo are lying to me and he really is my replacement" She feigned shock.

"You, Doctor Alexander are irreplaceable." Harry carefully kissed Nikki's lips and she kissed him back, pulling him closer and wanting more, that is until Leo entered coughing, something that he seems to have developed.

"I think we will have to set some ground rules in terms of, well you two and work and kissing. Hughes will be here in an hour."

"In that case these ground rules can wait until Hughes has seen us kissing." Harry eyed Nikki and grinned,

"Harry that is unhelpful, I'd appreciate it if you kept your thoughts _and _your fists to yourself... and Nikki, don't say a word. Right, now that's settled I think I'll get started on these reports." Harry motioned towards his office door.

Nikki reached for Harry's hand as they left Leo's office. When they were out of sight from Leo they broke into fits of giggles, like they were naughty children up to no good. Nikki was happy, she knew that with Harry she could feel like this, always, eventually... when the pain had subsided.

**more soon Nik XX**


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Nikki sat at Harry's desk, she was emailing various departments regarding missing signatures and paperwork; she hated this side of her job, but it needed to be done. She glanced over to Leo's office for the hundredth time and watched Harry and Leo welcome, the tall, fairly broad 40ish, dark-haired man, into their work place. Lister Hughes had arrived about ten minutes ago. As she watched Hughes interact with Harry and Leo she gradually became uncomfortably aware that she recognised his mannerisms; fear grew slowly like a malicious cancer. Nikki tried to dismiss the feeling, she was sure she was being irrational, after all she had been completely wrong about Mumford and she was not going to spend the rest of her life placing blame or terror onto any man that wasn't Harry or Leo. Nikki took a careful deep breath, checked the time on the PC and headed to the locker room to collect her bag and coat.

In Leo's office Harry felt uncomfortable too. He was annoyed he would have to work alongside Hughes for at least two weeks. He didn't trust him professionally and he certainly didn't want him flirting with Nikki with the fragile state that she was currently in. As Leo made introductions and explanations of what was required of Hughes, Harry couldn't take his eyes from the slight bump on the ridge of his nose; Harry smirked to himself at this small victory.

"And before I leave you to get on with the job at hand," Leo added, "we're all adults and that is exactly how I'd like my staff to behave. Right then, I'd better go and speak to Charlie and get her to get you some scrubs." Leo left the office and the silence between the two men was painful.

"So" Harry attempted civilised conversation,

"Indeed, so… where's Doctor Alexander-" Hughes scratched his head,

"-Nikki and I are seeing each other, I mean well, we're in a committed _romantic_ relationship; she moved in with me just a few days ago actually-" Harry gloated,

"That's not very professional; being _romantically_ involved with someone you work with-"

"Well it's not the first time someone's been unprofessional here at the Lyle Centre, is it Doctor Hughes?" Harry gritted his teeth and headed back to his desk to finish the report on the RTA he'd attended earlier that day.

Nikki pulled her coat on, closed the door to her locker and looked forward to a night on the sofa with Harry. She hadn't noticed Lister Hughes enter.

"Nicola Alexander." Hughes voice was level and precise.

"Hi." Nikki picked up the manila files from the bench.

"Anything interesting?" He nodded at the files.

"Oh you know just reports that haven't been completed. I'm going home, I'll see you later." As she turned to leave Hughes placed his arm on the lockers preventing Nikki from passing.

"Exactly why do I have to fill in for you? You seem well enough to me."

"It's, it's personal, private. Now I have to go Harry will be waiting." She refused to be afraid. Hughes was an idiot, and that was all.

"Ahh yes, that's right Harry told me about it." Hughes sneered,

"He… he did?" Nikki felt betrayed,

"Yes, he told me… that you are living together now… why?"

"Oh, right yes, yes we are." Her anxiety dissipated but only momentarily, as Hughes snatched the files from Nikki's hands and held them behind his back. Fear screamed at her but her head was telling her that she was being irrational, her mantra became, _don't panic it's Hughes, he's a wanker, don't panic it's Hughes, he's a wanker._

"Nicola? What? Are you not going to fight me for them?"

"No, don't be ridiculous Hughes." She tried to push past him but he grabbed her and slammed her against the lockers, dropping the files and smothering her mouth with his hand.

"Well, I should have known, I mean you didn't exactly put up a fight last time, did you?"

Nikki's eyes frantically searched the room, she was dizzy, her mind couldn't process the situation; she wanted Harry, so she struggled but Hughes slammed her back against the hard, metal lockers.

"What's wrong? Didn't you get the roses I sent? I really enjoyed our _special_ evening, you were exactly how I imagined you to be; you loved every minute of it really, didn't you? Didn't you Nicola?" Hughes' hand had started to roam and Nikki was paralysed with horror and disbelief. Then, Hughes' hand thrust under her shirt assaulting her bare skin, searching for her bra. Nikki pushed him away but each time she did he reciprocated her efforts with a vicious force.

"Don't worry Doctor Alexander, I don't want you today. Soon though; we shall do it again _very_ soon." He slowly removed his hand from her mouth and suffocated her with his callous lips.

"Harry- Harry and Leo they-they-" Nikki tried, but she suddenly felt a sharp blunt pain exploding under her ribs; she realised he had punched her as she doubled over clutching her side.

"They won't believe a word you say, you're so pathetic, and they'll think you're hysterical. You're disgusting; they don't want to hear about it, it makes them sick to think of what you did. Tell them it's me and they'll laugh at you. Tell them it's me and you'll be feeling a lot more than my fist and next time I won't be so gentle." Hughes roughly tugged at the buttons on her jeans, winked and turned to his designated locker to place his bag and coat in; his nonchalance was chilling.

Harry hit send on the email he had just finished. He was exhausted and couldn't wait to get home and spend the evening snuggled on the sofa with his best girl, as that though entered his head, Nikki entered the room. Her eyes were red and he knew she had been crying. He hated seeing her like this but he knew it was part of the healing process and if she needed to spend a few minutes in the ladies crying each day for a while then he was not going to interfere.

"Nik, I just have to send one last email then we can get out of here-"

"Harry-"

"It'll take me thirty secs-"

"Harry, take me home."

"I will Nik-"

"Now Harry, now, take me home now."

Harry heard the rising panic in her teary voice and was immediately by her side placing his arms around her. She squirmed from him shaking her head.

"Don't Harry. Please don't, I just want to go home, I need to go right now- please."

"Okay- I'll grab the car keys and my coat and then we're out of here." Harry wandered over to his desk, pulled his coat from the chair and checked the pockets for his car keys. He placed the keys in one hand and then took Nikki by the other. As he did tears tumbled down her pale cheeks and she stepped into Harry's protective arms. Harry was amazed she had lasted this long, what with the awful morning in the shower she had had; but as he held her, he felt her whole body trembling in his embrace.

"Nik?" Worried, he looked at her for an explanation,

"I – I can't-",

Hughes strolled into the office and saw Harry holding Nikki; he saw the tears on her face and he knew precisely the reason for them. However he was confident that Nikki was too terrified to accuse him of anything.

"Doctor Alexander, are you okay? Is there anything I can do for you? Anything I can get?" Hughes' warm tone was cold and calculated.

Nikki shook her head in response, and she struggled to feel steady on her feet. She held Harry tighter,

"Harry. Please." She begged.

"Hughes, tell Leo I'll call him later and that I have taken Nikki home." Harry held Nikki's trembling form close to him as he guided her to the door.

"Bye then Harry, Bye Nicola."

"Yep bye." Harry responded for the both of them.

**Hope it' was okay X**


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

Harry stood at his kitchen sink and poured himself a large glass of water; he wanted something stronger but he knew if Nikki smelt alcohol on his breath it would surely remind her of _that_ night. He drank the cold liquid and realised how hungry he was. They had been home an hour but Nikki hadn't mentioned dinner, in fact she had barely spoken since they left work. He looked at the door to his bedroom and saw her slight frame curled up on his bed. He had to make her feel better; he felt partly responsible as he knew that she wasn't ready to come in to work for whole days just yet. He poured a second glass of water and took it to her.

"Hey Nik, I brought you some water."

There was no response. Nikki simply lay still with her back to Harry in the foetal position.

"I'll just leave it here on the side for you okay."

Harry sat on the end of the bed beside her and gently stroked her hair. He thought that maybe she had drifted into sleep but her sharp in take of breath told him otherwise.

"Nik, do you want me to lie with you?"

Nikki tensed and then slowly nodded her reply. Harry pulled off his shoes and wandered to the other side of the bed. He climbed on and waited for Nikki to reach for him, however she was still, except for the tears streaming down her cheeks. Helpless Harry's heart ached,

"Nikki, can… can I hold you?" Harry swallowed his apprehension.

Again Nikki nodded her response. Harry reached out for her and pulled him close to his chest when the soreness of her upper body stopped her moving and made her wince,

"Ssssssss" Her hand went straight to her ribs.

"Hey, hey, what did you do?" Harry sat up concerned,

"Nothing. I'm just sore today. It's fine Harry." It was the most she had said in an hour.

"I'm sorry I should have realised, a full day at work is bound to be tough on your body, whether you're performing PMs or not. Sorry Nik, is that why you're upset? God I'm an idiot, I should have realised; the soreness has brought it all back to you hasn't it?"

Again, Nikki nodded.

"Here, let me see?"

Carefully, Harry moved his hands to her shirt and slowly began to lift the material but before he could see anything Nikki yelled at him pushing him away from her.

"Sorry, I didn't think, I'm sorry Nik."

"Harry, it's okay, really, I just- I just, I'm tired, I think I'm going to get into bed and have a sleep."

"You need to eat first Nik,"

"Well, can you wake me when dinner is ready? Please? I just want to sleep Harry."

"If you're sure?" Nikki attempted a smile and Harry kissed her hand,

"Harry can you pass me your joggers and hoodie? I want to get changed."

"Hey what happened to you wearing your _own_ pjs? Don't they live up to the Cunningham cosiness?" Harry chuckled in hope that it would pull her mind from awful things.

He pulled the ensemble from his wardrobe and placed them on the bed next to her. He took her hand and gently squeezed it to let her know that he was right outside if she needed him.

Nikki pulled off her clothes with some difficulty and sat in her underwear on the bed examining the 5 deep burns on her thigh; they stung still and she knew she needed to apply more sudocream. Her attentions then took her to the pain from her ribs; there was a large red mark under the left of her ribcage. It was already turning a purple colour. She hated her body; she covered it up with Harry's clothing and hid herself in the scent of him. She felt safe and then she remembered. Lister Hughes. The man from her memory was still faceless but Hughes' horrifying verification rung through her mind like blistering venom _Didn't you get the roses I sent? I really enjoyed our special evening, you were exactly how I imagined you to be; you loved every minute of it really, didn't you? Didn't you Nicola? _

Trembling, she pulled her legs up to her chest and held them tight with her arms. She was terrified. She wanted to tell Harry. If she told Harry he would help her, he would make Hughes go away, Harry would make everything okay. She considered how she would tell Harry until Hughes' voice tortured her with his brutality _They won't believe a word you say, you're so pathetic, you're hysterical. You're disgusting; it makes them sick, they'll laugh at you. Tell them it's me next time I won't be so gentle._ Nikki refused to let him win, she stood up determined, she would tell Harry about Hughes and he would make it better… and then she remembered how his sordid weight paralysed her, she remembered how he'd forced her legs apart and... the taste of blood and his balled fist, she remembered the searing pain and the intrusion. She wouldn't go through that again, she couldn't. No matter how desperately she wanted to tell Harry and ask for his help the terror she felt for Hughes far outweighed anything rational. Sobbing ,she collapsed in a heap on the floor.

Nikki's crying brought Harry to her side. He held her and let her cry, he was at a loss, and hoped that his presence would be a calming influence on her hurting heart. Minutes passed and his legs were dead but he refused to move in fear of alarming her. Her sobs became whimpers and Harry knew that for now, it was nearly over. Her hitched breathing eventually became regular and steady and the tears had stopped yet Harry still cradled her close; her body still trembled and he knew that this was something else entirely. He had seen her, cry, scream and shout, he had witnessed her sobs and her nightmares but Harry knew that Nikki was experiencing something different. He waited a little longer until he felt her fidget in his arms,

"Nikki, please tell me… "

She tightened her hold on his shirt.

"Nik please, you're shaking… what is it? Maybe I can help, maybe?" Harry held back his tears,

"I can't Harry- I want to but I just can't" She avoided his gaze,

"Can't or won't?"

"Harry please don't do this- I can't, I can't- I'm afraid- I don't want him to hurt me, I couldn't take it, I can't have that happen again – I"

"Sshh Nik, s'okay, it's okay, nothing's going to happen, one one's going to hurt you- ssh"

Harry held her until she slept. He gently lifted her to the bed and pulled the sheets over her frame. He kissed her cheek and reluctantly went to finish making dinner; if anything, he would make sure she kept her weight up.

Harry called Leo and explained that Nikki's first full day had taken it's told on her physically and mentally. Misguided, he described how the aches and pains had brought back memories of the attack and in turn had terrified her realising the man from the dinner had still not been identified. As he hung up the phone there was a knock at the door. He padded over and unlocked it, as he opened the door he was surprised to see Lister Hughes stood holding several manila files. Perplexed Harry simply rubbed his eyes,

"Hi, I thought I'd bring these over. Nikki left them; she said she wanted to work on them this evening so I thought I'd bring them over… I mean she was upset at the end of the day and I didn't want to… you know…" Harry thought that Hughes seemed genuinely concerned,

"Okay, thanks, she'll appreciate it." Harry took the files,

"Thought it could be a peace offering too Harry." Exhausted and considering that he had to work with Hughes for a few weeks, Harry smiled and shook his hand,

"Look... Niks is asleep, but erm, why don't you come in for a drink, I could use some male company."

"Excellent, why not?"

**? XX**


	29. Chapter 29

**THANKS for the reviews guys XX**

**Chapter 29**

Nikki was woken by the pain from her ribs and the hunger from her empty stomach. She turned over awkwardly in the bed; she was acutely aware of the throbbing in her side. Mouth-watering fragrances of lamb and rosemary attacked her senses, and slowly a smile grew on her face. She thought of Harry battling with the components of his kitchen and it eased the pain she felt inside. Nikki lay there in the dimly lit room, trying to make sense of what had happened earlier. She was still frightened but right now, in Harry's home she felt protected; she decided to doze for a few more minutes.

In the living room Harry sat on the sofa next to Hughes and poured him another whiskey. Harry was still uncomfortable but he was happy to make concessions if it meant his work life could be easier for the next few weeks. In the past hour they had discussed many things: work, PM's, coroners' reports, Leo and the Lyle Centre; however one topic Harry steered clear of was Nikki. He wasn't about to disclose the intricate and complicated relationship that had become him and Nikki. He'd already told Hughes they were together and as far as Harry was concerned that was all that Hughes needed to know; that _and_ the fact that Nikki was off limits, she was _his_.

"Forgive me for prying but what was wrong with Nikki this afternoon?" Hughes outwardly appeared nervous as he sipped his drink.

"Oh she's, well she… received some rather upsetting news, about a close family member, I'd rather not talk about it, to be honest-"

"No, yes, I mean of course." Smiling he downed his drink, "Well, I better be off."

As Nikki lay there she became conscious of the fact that Harry was talking to someone. Initially she thought that he was talking on the phone but then she realised that there was another male voice talking back to him. She concluded that it must have been Leo, their voices were hushed and through the closed bedroom door she could only recognise Harry's unmistakeable chatter. Hungry, curious and desperate to hug Leo, she climbed out of bed and headed for the living room.

Nikki's eyes fell instantly on Harry's form, his easy manner and his dark hair; it was only when she'd made several steps in Harry's direction did the walls of her world come crashing down around her fragile mind. She stopped dead. She looked and looked; she blinked away what she saw yet it was merely replaced by the same frightful image. It couldn't be… it was impossible. Harry hated _him_; he would never have invited him in. She had to be strong she couldn't let Harry see, her mind replayed the malicious images of Hughes throttling her to near unconsciousness, and her fighting for air as he ruthlessly removed her underwear. She held her hand to her mouth to prevent herself from screaming, but her subconscious managed to call out for Harry,

"Harry." It was barely audible but Harry shot his head around to see Nikki stood by the door with her hand held tightly over her mouth. Her complexion was white and her eyes were glazed.

"Hey, Nik it's okay, you fell asleep." He was already at her side trying to guide her to the sofa.

"Nicola. Are you feeling any better? I just came by to drop these files off for you…"

Nikki was silent but her mind raced, it screamed at her to tell Harry but her fear kept her mute. Hughes was here in her safe haven; he was violating her once more and Harry was oblivious to it. She needed Hughes out, but she couldn't think coherently, all she kept hearing was _Harry's here he won't let him hurt you, Harry's here he won't let him hurt you_ interjected with _get him out, get him out, please get him out._

"Nicola. You look like you've seen a ghost? Are you okay? Come and have a drink with Harry and I?" Hughes winked at her as he confidently continued,

"I am fine. No thank you." Her voice was monotone, and clear; she hid her fear remarkably well.

"Nik?" Harry questioned,

She tore herself from Harry and stepped carefully backwards. Her eyes transfixed on Hughes, her mind screaming _help me Harry, help me Harry. _She disappeared back into the bedroom and Harry turned to Hughes to try to explain.

"She's not been sleeping well; I just need to check that she's okay."

When Harry entered the bedroom he found Nikki on the floor mumbling, shaking her head and holding her legs under her chin.

"Nikki, what is it? Did you have a bad dream?" He crouched, held her shaking hands and pulled her into him.

"Please Harry, please, get him out" she whispered,

Nikki turned her gaze to Harry and her large brown eyes flooded with shame.

"Get him out Harry."

Instantly Harry went and politely asked Hughes to leave.

"Well yes, anyway, I'll leave you to your dinner. Thanks for the drink Harry, _see you soon Nicola_." He yelled as he turned to the door.

When Harry returned to Nikki, he sat her on the bed and knelt in front of her, he felt powerless, but his need to stop her hurt was relentless.

"Nikki! Speak to me!" He raised his voice hoping to startle her into rational thinking.

"I can't- I can't, I'm scared Harry."

Harry held her face between his hands and with difficulty he looked into her eyes and tried to be cross with her,

"Yes you can. Yes you can. You have to Nik, I can't make it better if I don't know what's upsetting you. I love you but I can't help you if you won't let me in."

"I – I – I hate him, I hate him, Lister Hughes I don't want him near me." She managed through anger and fear.

"Okay, okay, you don't have to see him again. It's okay Nik. Did he say something to upset you today? Did he try it on with you? Is that what happened Nik?" Harry presumed his assumptions were correct. Harry knew Lister Hughes was a misogynistic pig and that it was highly likely he had upset Nikki; Harry concluded that was the reason for his visit, Hughes knew he'd upset Nikki on his first day and wanted to cover his back.

"I don't want him to hurt me, I don't want him to hurt me Harry, please, please Harry, don't let him."

"Hey, hey Nik, he's not going to hurt you I promise. It's just Hughes, he's a complete wanker but he's not going to hurt you okay. It's just Hughes."

"You won't let him will you?"

"What? No, of course not, Nik. He won't."

"Promise me, Harry promise you won't let him."

"I promise Nik. Really it's okay, _Hughes_ is okay, he's not that bad once you give him a chance."

Harry's innocent words strangled her heart and shattered her soul; she loved him with her whole being yet she couldn't possibly comprehend that her only love would think that the man who brutally raped her was 'okay'. Nikki reminded herself that Harry didn't know the truth about Hughes and therefore this was her fault; once again she had been defiled and the only person she could blame was herself. Disgusted and repulsed by her actions her body responded the only way it knew how; she vomited down herself and she felt like she wanted to die.

Harry felt Nikki's whole body wretch and tense as he held her hair back. He waited until she had finished; there was little mess as her stomach contents were nothing more than water and bile, however it had soaked through the hoodie that Nikki was wearing.

"Nik, let's get you into some clean clothes; come on my love."

Numb, Nikki let Harry take control of the situation; she was grateful that he was still there caring for her, even though she knew how vile she was. Harry pulled her arms tenderly from the sleeves, and then he carefully manoeuvred the sodden jumper over her head. He threw it into the corner of the room and stood to grab another from his drawer. He stopped. Bile rose in him. Rage pounded through his mind. He knelt back down.

"Nikki, sweetheart, lift up your arm." Help gently helped her to lift her arm so that he could see the huge scarlet mark clearly. There was no mistaking it; somebody had viciously smacked her in the ribs.

"Tell me- Nik- tell me who did this to you?" He couldn't breathe through the fury "this happened today didn't it? Since work? You were upset at work. Hughes. It was Hughes. Oh God. Oh God Nikki, he's the one who, he, he. Shit Nikki, I'm so sorry, I' m so sorry. You must hate me. I- I didn't realise. I would _never_ have… if I'd known. God, please forgive me Nik-" Harry pulled Nikki to his chest and encircled her with his engulfing embrace. Tears flowed and Harry cried.

Nikki marvelled at Harry's vulnerability, and she fell in love with him all over again. She knelt upright on her knees and cradled his head against her chest and muttered between kisses, over and over

"I could never hate you, I could never hate you, I could never hate you"…

**?**


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

"_I could never hate you, I could never hate you, I could never hate you"… _

After an hour of tears, declarations of love and promises, the couple held each other as they sat huddled on the floor by the bed. Realising that Nikki was still only in her bra, Harry pulled off his jumper and proceeded to carefully pull it over Nikki's aching body. Then, he placed his arm around her and gently lifted her into bed. He climbed in beside her and Nikki reached out for him instantly. She lay with her head on his chest and the fear that had choked her slowly began to dissipate. Harry's guilt was eased by Nikki's tender words, but his anger was paramount.

Harry wanted to kill. He wanted to cause unbearable physical pain to the men who had tortured the woman he loved. He considered the driver who had been taken into police custody and knew that his preliminary hearing for bail was due at the end of the week. Nikki hadn't mentioned it; he knew it had been pushed to the back of her mind because of the vile human being that was Hughes. Harry still had questions; he didn't want Nikki to feel interrogated so he asked her if she could explain how she got the large bruise on her ribs. Nikki explained all of the details from the day, and how Hughes had intimidated her, and terrified her into believing that he could hurt her again, especially if he found out that she had told Harry, Leo or the police.

"Well, you don't have to worry about that now Nik, do you understand me?" He kissed her hair,

"I don't want to see him again," Nikki turned her body so that she was lying facing him,

"Don't worry. You won't. I promise." Harry smiled,

"He really hurt me Harry," Nikki's eyes flooded,

"I know, I wish I could make it all go away, my love."

"I - I still can't see his face, I mean that night, his face, I still can't see it in my mind's eye, but it _was_ Hughes, Harry, it was, it really was,"

"Shh-I know, I know it was," He rubbed her back to sooth her,

"What's going to happen, I mean what I am a going to do?"

"Don't worry about that Nik-"

"Harry?" He voice was stern, worried, she slightly sat up,

"I mean we'll speak to he police and DCI Kempster, they will haul him in for questioning, take his DNA and then leave him in jail to rot."

Nikki lay back, and held onto Harry; she knew that he should really go and make the call to the police but she didn't want him to leave her side. She was fragile and she knew it. She couldn't be alone, not for a second, not tonight.

Harry held onto Nikki, he knew that she needed him but right now in this moment _he_ needed to hold her, be with her, and make sure that he could make it just a little better when her tears fell. He knew that really he should make the phone call to the police and inform Leo; Hughes needed putting behind bars sooner rather than later. He would protect Nikki, and he would make them pay for what they had done to her, no matter the cost. However, in this instant, she was more important than everything else.

"Nikki, Nik, you haven't eaten, I know you're probably not even hungry, but you have to eat, it's important to try to keep your energy levels up."

"I know, but I couldn't eat, my stomach is in bits."

Harry sat up and climbed from the bed, he reached out and took Nikki's hand and affectionately tugged her to her feet,

"Come on, you have to try, even if it is just a mouth full and some water."

"Yes Doctor Cunningham." She was smiling.

Harry walked through to the lounge, Nikki still holding his hand and trailing closely behind him; suddenly Nikki stopped and yanked Harry back to her,

"I can't Harry, I can be here in this room, his smile, his sardonic smile Harry. He – he was sat here and, I can't stay here- he looked at me and chatted with you all the time knowing that he'd… he'd-" Her sleeves tried to prevent her tears from flowing,

"It's okay, I understand, go into the bedroom and throw some things in an overnight bag for us, and we'll get out of here,"

"Thank you."

Harry held Nikki so close to him, that in the dim porch light the two individuals appeared to be one. They had arrived on Leo's doorstep, over night bag in hand asking if they could spend the night. Concerned, Leo hustled them through the door into his home. Nikki sat opposite Janet on the sofa in silence, whilst in the kitchen Harry vehemently described Hughes' torment of Nikki to Leo. Nervously, Janet watched as Nikki tensed, folded her arms around her body and wept. Janet knew what had happened to Nikki; Leo had confided in her, worried for the woman he loved like a daughter. Janet didn't know the reasons behind Harry's unexpected appearance this evening however Nikki's distressed state and the echo of broken sentences from the kitchen slowly made the situation clear. Harry's fury was rising; at the words "bastard", "punched her at work", and the repetition of "Kill him" Janet saw Nikki physically cower, so she stood, closed the door to the lounge and sat and hugged Nikki.

"I'm so sorry" Nikki managed,

"Sorry? What on earth for?"

"For intruding, but we didn't have anywhere else to go"

"Heeey, it is completely fine Nikki, you and Harry are always welcome here, you should know that. Come on don't be upset; you have lots to tell me about you and Harry." Janet smiled and nudged Nikki playfully with her elbow,

"What do you mean?" Nikki was truly confused,

"Harry and you? Apparently you're no longer work colleagues, or friends?... Leo came home gloating about how accurate he had been in his perception of Harry and yours' flirting." Janet rolled her eyes and Nikki laughed

"Yes, well we-we are… together… I have moved in, not properly exactly but soon."

"Of course, moving house is a logistical nightmare, you'll get there, you have been dealing with so much lately, I can't imagine packing boxes has been forefront."

"No, not at all."

At that point Leo and Harry entered the room. Leo's hair was stuck up in a variety of directions; he had clearly been pushing his hamds through his hair in horror and distress. Leo hurried to Nikki and hugged her tightly, trying to hold back his own tears.

"Leo called DCI Kempster Nik, they've gone to pull Hughes in for questioning this evening. You'll have to make a statement in the morning, Okay?"

Nikki nodded; she felt safe surrounded by the people who cared for her, she was thankful that Harry had seen the bruise on her ribs. She was also thankful that Harry had brought them to Leo's; she knew that Leo had calmed Harry down considerably and made him settle for a phone call to the police rather than a mission of revenge. Knowing this, Nikki was relieved, and exhaustion set in,

"Harry, I want to go to sleep."

"I'll go and set up the spare room." Janet stood and hugged Harry before disappearing upstairs.

**? XXX Niks**


	31. Chapter 31

**Thanks for the reviews guys, much appreciated, thank you =)**

**Chapter 31**

Nikki sat cross legged in the centre of the double bed in Leo's spare room. She was wrapped in a large bath towel and her hair was damp. Harry had sat on the bathroom floor and chatted to her about a variety of insignificant things in order to monitor her shower to ensure that it was short and to the point. She was thankful because she knew she could have easily spent hours scolding herself under the hot water after today's events. It was quarter to midnight and Harry had gone to fetch their glasses of water and bid goodnight to Leo and Janet. There was a slight tap on the bedroom door and Nikki climbed ungracefully from her spot; she smiled when she saw Harry: full glass in each hand, a sandwich stuffed in his mouth. She took the glasses from him and placed them on the bedside table.

"Hungry?" She grinned,

"Yes, very." he replied with his mouth full.

Nikki took her tablets and watched as Harry devoured his sandwich. He held up the last mouthful and offered it to her; she shook her head and proceeded to pull out her pjs from their overnight bag. Again a knock at the door, this time it was Harry who answered. Leo stood there anxiously rubbing the back of his neck,

"Hey, I just wanted to check you guys have everything you need?"

"Yes thanks Leo." Harry smiled appreciatively,

"Okay, well we're just across the landing if you need anything or… well… just help yourself." Leo craned his neck to try to check how Nikki was getting on, "Nikki, love? Are you okay?"

Nikki padded over to stand behind Harry, she nodded her response.

"Nikki, we do have another spare room if you'd rather Harry slept in there?"

Nikki instantly felt like a teenager, and she suddenly realised how awkward this new relationship of hers and Harry's must make Leo feel, particularly since they were suddenly in his house sharing a bed. Nikki's eyes remained on the floor but her hand found Harry's; she was blushing. Finally Harry laughed,

"Leo-"

"Harry I'm just checking, I want Nikki to feel all right, I know what you're- look all I'm saying is there's another bed, okay Nikki?"

Harry went to speak but Nikki squeezed his hand and interrupted him,

"Thanks Leo, but it's okay, I've grown accustomed to his snoring and it makes me feel safe, but thank you."

"Okay, right then, sleep well, and I'll see you in the morning."

Nikki pecked Leo's cheek,

"G'night Leo." And Harry shut the door.

Harry pulled of his socks and jeans and climbed into bed. He fought with the pillows in order to make them plump enough to lie sitting up; he relaxed in to them and placed his arms across his chest. Nikki was extremely conscious of the fact the she was still naked under her towel and had yet to put on her pjs. She stood at the end of the bed, holding the towel securely in place with one hand and faffing with her pjs with the other. She knew she was being childish, but she was ashamed, embarrassed of her body and didn't want Harry to see. Harry saw that she was gradually becoming more fretful,

"Nikki, don't worry, I've closed my eyes." He held his hands over his eyes to prove his point.

Quickly, she pulled on the bottoms and the top, and climbed on to the bed towel drying her hair.

"Okay, you can look,"

Harry giggled and reached to stroke her arm,

"Nik you do know that I _have_ seen you naked quite a few times now." He was still giggling,

"Please don't laugh at me Harry, I-"

"Hey, I'm not laughing at you, just simply amused by your… shyness."

"I'm sorry. I know you've seen me before but not the most pleasant of situations were they? I mean, I never wanted you to see me naked each of those times."

"Nik, really, I was just messing, you don't-"

"I hate my body right now; I'm repulsed by it so I don't feel ready to show you myself in that way yet."

"Nikki, please stop explaining, you don't have to justify anything to me, okay?" She lent in and kissed his lips softly.

She then reached towards the end of the bed and plugged in the hairdryer, and put it on a low heat as not to disturb Leo and Janet. Harry watched her slender form as she manoeuvred the hairdryer in a variety of directions, he marvelled at the thought of how much he wanted her, and then he hated himself for thinking so selfishly; he hated that she was repulsed by her beautiful body and he knew that it was going to take some time to heal that part of her confidence. He was going to help repair her thoughts. He saw Nikki wince as she held her arm higher to reach the back of her hair. He placed his hand on her shoulder,

"Here let me do that." He took the hairdryer from her and delicately pulled his fingers through her hair drying each section until it was all soft and dry. He clicked it off and reached to pull it from the plug socket.

"All done. Now let's sleep." He pulled Nikki into his chest and snuggled in to the pillows; he reached and turned off the bedside light.

After several minutes contemplating in the dark, Nikki spoke,

"Harry was Leo cross with me?" Her eyes were open and she tried to familiarise herself with the strange, dark shapes of the bedroom.

"Cross with you? At the door? For wanting to sleep in the same bed?" Harry was confused,

"No not then, why? Do you think he is cross with me for that?" She was worried that Leo had been angry about that too,

"No, no Nik, not at all, he was just being_ Leo _about it, if anything he'll be annoyed at me. No doubt I'll get a lecture at some point about _not rushing you_ – and not that I will- I mean- you take us at your pace okay?" He lightly squeezed her to emphasise his point.

"Harry, was Leo annoyed with me when you told him about Hughes?" She tensed in his arms,

"Nikki, why on earth would Leo be –"

"-because I didn't remember that it was Hughes, and he's been at the Lyle Centre working today, and when I realised it was him I still didn't tell Leo, I just thought he might be disappointed in me."

"Nik, Leo loves you, he's not disappointed in you, he's not angry with you, know one is, we just want to make it better, I know we can't and you're hurting but we're all here for you, if you need us, and even when you feel like you don't. You're loved very much." He kissed her hair.

Nikki's fingers entwined with Harry's and as she lay on his chest, she felt the beat of his heart echo through her; slowly, slowly it calmed and Nikki breathed in synchronisation to the rhythm that was Harry. As she floated off, uninvited images penetrated her guiltless unconscious, visions of brutality attacked her until she realised she was drifting into an unbearable nightmare. She opened her eyes and shifted in the bed to find Harry asleep; she wanted to wake him, instead she wrapped herself around him, and took refuge from his strong body. Nikki knew she had to work on her mind; otherwise the night would be insufferable. She decided to recall each and every occasion that Harry had made her feel special a stark contrast to the disgust she now felt for herself.

Asleep, subconsciously Harry knew that he wasn't in his own bed. The sheets felt different, the pillows, felt different but above all the mattress was less firm that his. Yet somehow, on some level the warm, slight body that was wrapped around him was blissfully familiar. It was this familiarity that woke him from his sleep, he wanted to hold on to it, capture it and cherish the feeling. As Harry gradually stirred from sleep he realised that his T-shirt was soaked by the tears that were streaming from Nikki's eyes.

"Oh Nik, hey, come here." He sat up against the head board and pulled her to him, "Do you want to talk it though? Was it a nightmare?"

"No, I'm not- I mean, I- I" She struggled with catching her breath and her words, "I love you, I love you so –much- but- I don't think you know – how much, I- I mean you- you always make me feel special, always, somehow, you make me feel loved. And I'm worried that I haven't made you feel that way." Nikki slowly took in a deep breath.

"Nikki, I know you love me, I know it. It's more than words Nik; it's the way you are around me. The way you look at me, smile at me. I know okay, I know." Harry held her, and gently rocked her, fiddled with her hair and rubbed her back, he was exhausted but if she needed him to be awake he would be.

**? please ?**

**The next one's half done so I shall update sooner XX**


	32. Chapter 32

**This is for my rock, my lover... **

**Chapter 32**

The daylight that shone through the large bedroom window easily infiltrated the room through the light coloured curtains. The early morning brightness was not welcomed by Nikki; it hurt her tired eyes and she knew that it signified the start of a new day, one that she did not want to face. Harry's arm was draped over her waist and she was still wrapped around him. As her eyes adjusted to the light, she gazed up at Harry's handsome face. She didn't want to leave this spot; she was warm, safe and felt loved. She stretched and reached across Harry's sleeping form and grabbed his mobile to check the time: 07:12, it was time to get up and her hear sank at the thought of it; they were due at the police station at 08:30, to give her statement concerning Hughes.

Nikki clumsily moved her body so that she was sat straddling Harry, she enveloped her arms around his neck and buried her head into his collar. Harry lazily woke up to his love nuzzling his neck,

"Good morning beautiful." Harry smiled into the kiss Nikki greeted him with,

"Am I?" Her question was genuine, and honest

"Yes, very," He gently planted three kisses on her neck.

Nikki sat up and placed one of his hands on her thigh where the cotton pjs hid the 5 circular burns and his other on her left ribs where the bruise was slowly turning blue.

"Even now? Like this?" She frowned at the thought of her body,

"Yes. Beautiful. Always." He pulled her down to him and evenly kissed her lips.

Nikki relaxed into him and lost herself in his kiss. She moved her hands under his T-shirt and the feel of her hands on his bare skin was incredible. She kissed him deeply, and let her hands wander over his torso until she became restricted by the perimeters of his T-shirt. Frustrated she tugged at it until Harry, moved to allow her to pull it from him. She cast it to one side and absorbed the sight of Harry's bare chest; she felt herself smile and pulled him to her. The warmth from his body now pressed against hers was intoxicating, she wanted more, she need to feel his skin against hers.

Harry noted that Nikki's kisses were progressively becoming more passionate. Harry cautiously lay next to her and carefully let Nikki lead their kiss. Nikki watched him intently as they kissed and feeling protected she shifted so that Harry's weight was directly on her; Harry was anxious, he was mindful not to make any sudden movements and forced his hands to remain on top of her pjs. Nikki cherished the feel of Harry on her lips, and on her body, she knew that she was his lover and that sensation made her feel precious. She paused breathless and was pleased to find Harry's eyes searching hers for direction. She looked at her cotton top, that was hiding her imperfect body, and then back at Harry; she trusted him wholeheartedly.

Nikki calmly struggled underneath him, and Harry froze, worried he'd alarmed her; she motioned to him to help rid her of her pjs,

"Nik you don't have to-" He suddenly felt extremely nervous,

"I know Harry, I don't want to do_ that __yet_, I'm not ready, I only want to feel your skin on mine… I want you to... see me."

Nikki felt awkward and Harry could see; he simply cupped her face in his palms and placed fluttery kisses along her jaw line until he found her mouth, he felt her body relax into the sheets and he slowly and tenderly helped her to push the pyjama top from her body. Anxiously Nikki placed Harry's hands at the tie in the pyjama bottoms, before Harry continued he checked for reassurance; Nikki nodded and smiled a serious smile, Harry affectionately helped her from them. Completely vulnerable Nikki lay there and searched Harry's face for a sign that told her she was not repulsive in any way; she felt her eyes fill,

"Even now?" She bit her lip,

Harry reached for her and she pulled him close so that their bodies enwind, he kissed her hands and her hair, he kissed her softly at first, until Nikki deepened the kiss tasting every part of his mouth. She felt that he wanted her but she wasn't afraid, she knew that Harry would never force her to do something she didn't want to, and she knew that he knew that she wasn't ready to take the next step. Harry did indeed want her, he was amazed by his own self restraint, but this wasn't about sexual gratification, it was about making his love feel beautiful and valued. He moved his attention to the still healing bite mark on her shoulder, her softly ran his thumb over the raised skin

"It's hideous" Nikki sighed,

Harry kissed it as if he was kissing it better; he whispered in her ear that she was beautiful no matter what she felt or thought about the marks on her body. He kissed the bruise forming on her ribs, he kissed the scarring under her breast, he kissed the malicious burns on her thigh and then he held her close to him while they kissed; lost in the moment they caressed fear and loathing away.

Leo made his way upstairs carrying the tray of teas, one for Janet the other two for Harry and Nikki. It was 07:30ish and they still weren't up; he knew that they were both exhausted he could see it on their faces the night before but he had to wake them, Nikki had an important day ahead of her. They each had to be out of the house by 8am. Leo strategically balanced the tray across one arm and knocked on the spare room door with his free and, no response he decided to go in and wake them and put their drinks next to the bed for them. Leo swung open the door,

"Come on you two, time to-" It took all Leo's might not to drop the tray. He saw Harry kissing Nikki, messed bed sheets and nakedness. Nikki yelped and Harry pulled the sheets over Nikki's body.

"Leo-" Harry shouted in horror

"I'm sorry, sorry, I'm-" Leo turned oh his heels and shut the door behind him "I just, I just brought you some tea… I'll leave it on the table out here on the landing. Erm… yes." Leo placed the mugs down and hurried away to tell Janet that he thought that Harry hadn't listen to a word he'd said about not rushing Nikki.

Nikki sat on the edge of the bed with the sheets wrapped around her; her face was scarlet, and she avoided Harry's stare. Harry however couldn't take his eyes from Nikki as he stood and pulled his T-shirt over his head.

"Nik, I do believe you're blushing" Harry chuckled and stepped over to kiss her forehead.

"Harry, God, Leo just walked in and saw me naked!" She still looked at the floor,

"I know" He giggled, and looked for his jeans,

"Harry! He's, he's … he'll think that we were, were… … shagging!... and in his home after he took us in!" Finally she looked up and Harry saw that not only was she embarrassed but she was ashamed,

"Hey, well, we know we weren't," he pulled on his jeans,

"But he _doesn't_, Harry I can't face him, _please_ go out there and tell him _please_?"

"Nik, it's okay, we're adults, we weren't doing anything wrong-"

"_Please _Harry, please go and explain, I don't want him to think badly of me, _please_."

"Okay, okay. I will." Harry tugged Nikki so that she was standing and he engulfed her in his arms.

"Are you okay my love? I mean... with... us and-"

Nikki kissed his lips and it felt electric, she pulled away from him and grinned,

"Now _please _go and speak to Leo," She pointed sternly at the door,

"Okay, but you better be dressed when I get back, because he have to leave soon and I can't have any more distractions."

**hope it wasn't too soppy?**


	33. Chapter 33

**Another chapter for all my favourite reviewers, you're just fab!**

**Chapter 33**

For Harry, leaving Leo's house that morning had been much more stressful that he had anticipated. However he hadn't expected Leo to walk in whilst he was attempting to show Nikki just how beautiful he thought she was. He also hadn't anticipated Nikki ordering him to go and explain himself to Leo; that was the main cause of his headache right now.

"Harry, what the hell are you playing at?" Leo was fuming,

"Excuse me Leo but-" Harry attempted to explain as Nikki had asked him to,

"You clearly didn't understand what I was trying to say to you last night. I mean, do I _have_ to spell it out to you?"

"Leo-"

"Don't rush her, don't you _dare_ Harry. It can only end badly-"

"Badly?"

"She is not ready for _that_. She isn't, Harry. And I thought you'd know better."

"But-"

"No, Harry. She is vulnerable and I don't want you taking advantage. I won't have you upsetting her."

"I wouldn't, I _love_ her."

"Look, I know you wouldn't do it purposely but, I know you Harry, you have this remarkable ability to try to do the right thing and it ends up with me having to pick up the pieces behind you."

"Are we still talking about Nikki?"

"Don't be funny Harry. You need to take this very slowly and you need to be patient, a virtue you've always struggled with."

"Can I speak?" Harry held out his hands palms up in surrender,

Leo sighed and nodded, gesturing for Harry to explain himself and to make it clear that he understood what he'd been saying.

"Firstly, Nikki and I we're not doing what you think we were. Secondly, I know more than anyone that she isn't ready, and God knows neither am I... and, and ... C, we were kissing, that's all. I would _never_ rush her."

"Oh kissing is that what they call it now? Harry, you must think I was born yesterday."

"Leo! Do you really think I'd want our first time together to be in _your _spare room, the night after I found out that she'd been threatened, frightened and _punched _by one of the men who raped her? Really Leo?"

"Okay, okay..." Leo sighed "... You know how very fond I am of you, the both of you. But Nikki takes priority right now; she needs to feel secure, and loved; you know how nerve-racking it can be at the start of a new relationship: do they like me? what are they thinking? Nikki's going be struggling with all of those insecurities like anyone would, but hers will be magnified ten fold because of what they have done. I simply want you to bare that in mind, that's all."

"I know. Leo, I know. I also know that since Cassie died you have transfered all of your paternal responsibilty and emotions onto Nikki, I promise Leo, I'm not going to screw this up. I want to be with her."

"Yes, I know ... Sorry Harry, but it's just difficult. I can't stand to see her like this and I'm feeling helpless if truth be told. Sorry."

"Leo, Nikki is feeling really terrible about what you saw, and she already thinks you're cross with her for not being able to remember that it was Hughes, so can you please not bring this up with her."

"Cross with her about Hughes? Right, no, of course I wouldn't. Just, well just tell her that I didn't see anything and it was more the shock of seeing someone who I think of as a daughter than anything. Okay?"

For Nikki, leaving Leo's house that morning had been sweet and embarrassing in equal measure. In the time between putting their empty tea mugs in the kitchen and getting into their cars Leo had been excessively chatty with her and hadn't even looked at Harry. However Harry had explained that the 'chat' that they'd had was 'fine' and that there was 'nothing to worry about', Harry had also explained that Leo 'didn't see anything and it was more the shock of seeing someone who he thinks of as a daughter, than anything'. That had made Nikki feel warm and wanted, he was the closet thing she'd ever had to a father, or rather a father who acted like a father. Ultimately, this sweet thought is what added to the embarrassment; Leo had seen her with Harry in a way that a father shouldn't.

Not an hour after entering the the Police Station, a heavy blanket of fear efficiently dampened any positive emotions Nikki felt. Giving the statement about the terrible things that Hughes had said and done to her in the locker room was tearful and embarrassing. Yet Harry had been there, squeezing her hand, encouraging braveness, and making her strong. But that was before DCI Kempster had explained. That was before the little security Nikki had let herself feel had been shattered by police regulations and procedures. That was before Harry had been blinded by rage. Nikki used the telephone on the police receptionist's desk... she was afraid, she was numb, and she was panicking,

"Leo? Leo it's Nikki, please can you come and get me? I'm alone... and I'm scared, Leo please?" She bit the already raw skin from the edges of her thumb,

"I'll be there as soon as I can? Nikki? Nikki? Where's Harry?" alarm rang from Leo's questions,

"He went... he told me to wait here, they let Hughes out and - and I couldn't stop him... he went to find Hughes."

**How was it? xx**


	34. Chapter 34

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**Sorry it's taken so long =/ life got in the way. Next chapter is half done tho so should be up much quicker x**xx

**Chapter 34**

"Leo!" Nikki jumped up from the chair; she had already flung her arms around him before she had finished shouting his name. Relief eased her fear of being alone but anxiety for Harry's whereabouts pounded through her mind, nonetheless. Leo's hug was fierce and she closed her eyes tight hoping that she would wake from this nightmare that had unravelled around her; she felt helpless but she had faith that Leo would remedy this feeling.

Once they were in Leo's car, Nikki explained that Hughes had been let go due to his 'cast iron' alibi. His name had not been on the guest list for the Institute Dinner and a 'friend' had placed him in a bar the other side of London, with him, on the night in question. Through self doubt, Nikki also explained that due to these reasons the police didn't feel it necessary to swab him for DNA; they had released Hughes before Nikki had even arrived to make her statement. Leo's outward expression appeared completely composed, however Nikki could tell by the way he gripped the steering wheel that he too was anxious to find Harry; Nikki's feelings over Hughes' release were secondary to the need she had to be with Harry.

"Was Hughes at work this morning? I suspect Harry would go there first." Nikki felt physically sick at the thought of what might happen if Harry found Hughes.

"No. No he wasn't in. Does Harry know where he lives? Do you?" Leo was running through scenarios in his mind, hoping to find a reasonable conclusion, so that he could find Harry and prevent him from a prison sentence.

"No. No. I just can't think Leo, I'm sorry, I'm useless, he didn't listen to me I pleaded with him but he went regardless." Anger for Harry's response to her request was settling slowly in the pit of her stomach.

"Nik, Harry has cloth-ears when it comes to doing what he believes is right." Leo sighed and pressed the accelerator.

* * *

Seething, Harry exited the Lyle Centre. Charlie had explained that he had missed Leo by minutes; and Hughes hadn't been in to work at all. On the drive from the Police Station Harry's mind's eye was bombarded by images of Nikki: the morning he found her, her bruised body, his struggle to force her from the shower; Hughes' knowing smile, his broad body sat confidently on _his_ sofa, whilst _his_ Nikki broke her heart in the next room. He would find him, he would tell him, he would make him wish he'd never met Nikki; no alibi, no inaccurate guest list was needed to prove the pain and anguish Hughes had inflicted on the woman he loved. Harry wanted his blood. And then... thoughts of his love soothed, and his heart strangled his rage as he realised how he had left Nikki in the Police Station, crying and alone. He wanted to hold her, and explain that he was sorry. Tortured by his conscience, Harry struggled with his sense of justice and decided that he needed a drink.

Harry was absorbed in his personal dilemma as he entered the bar which the staff from the Lyle Centre frequented for lunch or late drinks, after a difficult day. He knew that he should call Leo on his mobile, but he also knew that Leo would calm him down, as for Nikki, he needed her too; her loving words and her sweet kisses could dissolve fear into smiles and hope. He would take a drink and drive back for her.

"Usual please mate." As Harry counted out the loose change from his pocket and placed it carefully on the bar, the barman tended to his request.

"£2.45, thanks" Harry motioned to the carefully constructed tower of coins on the bar; he looked into the golden brown liquid and took a large sip. It hit the back of his throat and somehow the bittersweet taste eased the pounding rage through his veins, if only momentarily. As he sat his tumbler back on the mahogany bar, Harry felt eyes on him. He saw the figure in his peripheral vision fold his newspaper, move from the table he was seated at, and walk towards him.

"Harry? Can I get you another drink?" Hughes voice reverberated through the empty wine bar.

Harry was on his feet holding Hughes by the scruff of his neck before he'd even realised that it was Hughes he had pinned to the wall. Hughes went to speak and Harry slammed him against the wall again and again, grabbing more of his clothing with each wave of fury. The cries and screams from Nikki's nightmares echoed trough Harry's mind and his hands instinctively found Hughes' throat. He wanted to kill him, he was _going_ to kill him, Hughes would never do that to Nikki, or anyone ever again... Nikki, Harry realised he would never see Nikki again if he didn't contain the hatred that ravaged his morality. Harry let go. He stepped back and forced his fists to his side.

"I know what you did to her, you bastard. She's not afraid of you anymore. You won't hurt her anymore; you're done, finished. We can prove it was you." Harry swallowed his pride and thought only of seeking solace in Nikki and the love that he felt for her. He turned and headed for the door.

"Jealous? ..." Hughes sneered as he straightened his clothes.

Harry held his breath, envisioned Nik and holding her close; he shut his eyes and walked steadily towards the exit.

"...That I did her first?"

Harry stopped.

"... and not only once, a couple of times. She enjoyed it so much that she cried the whole time. In fact, she screamed you're name, but I managed to put a stop to that-"

Harry flew at him. With in a second they were on the ground and Harry struggled but trapped him between his knees and the tile flooring. He pounded his fists into Hughes' chest, unsatisfied with the damage he was causing he pummeled his knuckled into his face. Blood poured and Hughes kicked and writhed until the bar tender hauled Harry back just long enough for him to scramble onto his feet. Harry easily escaped the barman's hold, but before he did Hughes managed a vicious retort 'every time you touch her there, she'll think of me'; Harry yelled in anguish as he charged at him, he knocked him to the ground taking stools and tables with them, each toppling and crashing on to the wrestling men. Glass ashtrays scattered and some smashed, adding to the chaos of the empty bar.

Harry swore and hammered his punches into Hughes, no assault was in vain. Remembering Nicky's recount, Harry dragged him from the floor by his hair; Hughes threw punches upwards in all directions, some managing to knock the wind from Harry, yet still Harry clung to Hughes' hair as he attempted to drag him across to the bar. He pulled a bottle from the bar and jammed the neck of it into Hughes' mouth, forcing him to swallow the overflowing alcohol. Almost satisfied as he saw the alarm and panic race through Hughes' eyes, Harry loosened his grip on him. In this moment, Hughes pulled the bottle from Harry and in their struggle it shattered across Harry's hands. As Harry felt the shards of glass pierce the soft skin oh his hands, Hughes launched a lucky balled fist and knocked Harry from his feet. With blood seeping through his fingers, Harry cradled his nose, winded still, he turned to breath and saw Hughes scarper from the bar.

* * *

**Did we like angry Harry?**


	35. Chapter 35

**Here's the latest installment; I found it tricky at first to switch between two situations that were happening at the same time... I need to work on that technique methinks ;) Hope it's okay though? XXX**

**Chapter 35**

Pain shot through Harry's hands as he pulled his mobile from the car-phone charger; his hands were covered in cuts and he had only just managed to stop the blood pouring from his nose. He was in his car in the Lyle Centre car-park wondering how he was going to explain away his injuries to Nikki. He wanted to see her, now. The screen from his mobile stated: 8 text messages, 9 missed calls and 3 voice mails. He started with the texts; each was from Leo's mobile, written by Nikki telling him to get in contact and that she was afraid he was going to do something terrible. The first voice mail was Nikki:

_Harry please call me, please don't ignore me, I'm with Leo and we're worried about you, I love you._

Guilty, Harry fired a quick text to Leo's mobile for Nikki. He put the key in the ignition, caught a glance of his already bruising face in the rear view mirror and headed to his apartment.

* * *

Sat in the passenger's seat of Leo's car, Nikki couldn't work out if the pain she felt in her side was from the bruising Hughes had given her the day before or from the rising panic for Harry that had gradually built up in her body over the past half an hour. The message alert tone startled her, and she fumbled with the keypad, eager to read the text.

"Leo, it's Harry. He wants you to drop me at his place. He said he's fine." She wrapped her arms around herself, the text had done nothing to ease her fears.

"Okay." Leo nodded, he was desperate to check what the situation was.

* * *

Harry wrapped some ice in a kitchen towel and pressed it to his nose; a searing cold burning senstation shot through him and it was unbearably pleasant. He felt horrendous, his mind taunted him: _he'd_ let Hughes go, _he'd _let Hughes hurt Nikki, God, he'd even_ let _him into their home. Hughes' poisonous words rang through his head; most of all, Harry feared that they were true. He felt powerless; he was ridiculous for thinking that he would ever be able to help Nikki, to ever be enough for her. She needed someone strong, someone who could protect her, not a defective idiot who brought the wolf to the door. He sat on the coffee table in his lounge and drank from the whiskey bottle that had been sat there since he'd opened it for Hughes the night before.

* * *

Leo pulled into the street that Harry's apartment was on. He saw Harry's black Audi parked haphazardly and he knew that Harry had been in contact with Hughes. He feared the consequences that Harry might have to face; he feared how this woud affect Nikki. He drove into a parking space,

"Nikki love, I think you should wait here." It was obvious that he was worried about the state in which he would find Harry.

"No. No Leo. I'm going in, I want you to drop me off here, Harry will drive us back to-" She didn't get to finish,

"No-way, absolutely not. God only knows what Harry's done, and I need to assess-"

"Leo! No, no , I _need _to see him, I _need _to, you won't make me wait here, I _have_ to see him on my own, he needs me, I - I, you just-" Her voice was breaking and so was Leo's heart. He loved them both dearly and he could only image how much pain and frustration that they were trying to deal with. His initial response was to keep them separate; they had trouble dealing with their most basic of emotions at the best of times and he was afraid that their childlike interpretation of their feelings mixed with the context of their angst, right now, could be disastrous.

"Leo? Please trust me with this? I can deal with this, I can... Leo, I love him, let me go to him." Leo couldn't help but feel protective about the woman he had grown to love like his own child. He reached over and embraced her, he didn't want to let her go, he didn't want to let her get out of the car but no matter what he thought about her, she was indeed an adult, and she was in love.

"You call me if you need me okay? Don't hesitate, I'll keep my mobile with me. Do you hear me Nik?" He released his hold on her, and sighed,

"I will Leo... I did, didn't I? Thanks." Nikki lent over and kissed his cheek, she climbed out of the car and headed to the apartment.

Nikki noticed that she was shaking when she put the key in the lock to the apartment; she chastised herself for being so weak and cowardly. She took a breath and opened the door, her heart skipped several beats when she saw Harry sat on the coffee table, bottle in hand, with his head hung; he didn't even look up when she called to him.

She closed the door carefully behind her and made her way over to him, he still refused to look at her. He knew she was there, he wanted to tell her that it was going to be okay and that they would get through this annihilating hurt together, yet he couldn't; he didn't know how to, he didn't even know where to start. Nikki sat down on the floor in front on him, and easily took the bottle from him.

Nikki's stomach tightened when she caught sight of the cuts across Harry's red knuckles, she placed his hands in hers and examined the damage; she put her forefinger carefully under his chin and moved his face so that he was looking directly at her. Her eyes welled when she saw the bruising forming on his already swelling, and bloody nose. She couldn't just simply sit there and look, she needed to help him, even if only by tending to his wounds. She climbed to her feet, disappearing into the bathroom for a minute, returning with a variety of antiseptic creams, cotton wool, bandages and a first aid kit.

Nikki sat herself directly opposite him, cross legged on the floor. She organised the medical products around her; as she opened the first aid kit to find the tweezers she realised that Harry was quietly crying. She wanted to cry too and she could feel the tears in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall; she had shed enough tears, and now it was time she comforted her man, he needed her and she would make sure that he felt loved, wanted and as precious as he had made her feel earlier that morning.

Nikki affectionately tugged Harry, motioning to the space besides her on the floor; eventually he gave in to his pride and moved from the coffee table into Nikki's arms. She enclosed her arms securely around him and held his broken body; she kissed his hair and she kissed his tears, whispering words of love and trust. Nikki was afraid to ask but she knew she'd have to, she'd promised Leo, moreover, she's promised herself,

"What happened Harry?" She made him look at her, and she attempted to hide her concern,

"He's alive if that's what you mean?" His voice echoed bitter regret,

"Harry, tell me?" Relieved, she pushed his hair from his forehead,

"I couldn't let him get away with what he'd done to you Nik, and for him to be wandering around gloating knowing that he'd hurt you, and then threatened you again. I just couldn't bare the thought of his self satisfied smile thinking that he'd got away with it - I was infuriated, raging, I wanted him to know that _I_ knew what he'd done to you... I wanted him to pay. I'm sorry Nik, I should have never left you in the Police Station alone, I'm sorry, that was selfish." Harry's eyes filled and he shook his head in shame.

"It's okay, I'm okay, don't be sorry. I called Leo. It was okay, I just, I didn't want to you do something that you'd regret, something that we'd both regret... Harry... what _did _you do?"

"I drove to work, I thought he'd be there, I was going to kill him, somehow, I was going to inflict unbearable pain; he wasn't there. I thought of you, of us, and this morning and I didn't want to lose that. I knew I had to calm myself so I went to the bar by work for a drink and _he_ was there. I hit him, I punched him, I couldn't help it... I mean, for Christ's sake, the bastard asked if he could buy me a drink, and I lost it... but I stopped, I knew that there had to be another way, so I turned to leave... but... but he riled me, the things he said Nik-" Harry's voice cracked and he hid his face in his hands as he let out several sobs.

"Harry, Harry, look at me... _please_ look at me... I'm here, I'm fine and I'm going to be okay, we're going to be okay. We are. Somehow, we will be... _please_ look at me" She gently prized his hands from his face and kissed his lips, but he didn't kiss her back, and so tears of rejection stung her eyes.

"Oh Nik, he said- he said _'every time you touch her there, she'll think of me'_ and- and I'm afraid, I'm afraid because I love you... and I can't be that person who reminds you of so much hurt-"

"Don't say that Harry, please don't say that. It's not true, It's not. I thought it might be until, until this morning and- and you, you could never make me feel that terror that I felt. Never. You have to believe me Harry, I only want you, only you can help me and I can't be without you now, Do you understand me Harry?" Nikki was fighting, she would not let _them_ win this battle, Harry was hers and they were not going to poison his mind into believing that he too was going to cause her pain.

"He laughed at me Nik, he said that you cried out for me, and I wasn't there, I wasn't there to help you. I should never have left you at the Dinner. I was such a coward, afraid of my feelings for you... and, and they raped you and I didn't stop them. Jesus, Nik how can you stand to be near me? I let Hughes hurt you for a second time, right under my nose, I invited him in whilst you slept... I hate myself for that. I do... and sorry isn't enough, _I'm_ not enough, I love so much Nik, but you deserve better than me."

Harry stared directly into her large brown eyes, he expected tears and harsh words but there were none. Instead, Nikki took the small tweezers in her hand and began to remove the little pieces of glass that had embedded into his palms. She massaged in the antiseptic and carefully tightened gauze to his wounds. She looked at him, smiled and kissed his bandage,

"There, all better." She poured the antiseptic onto some cotton wool and began to dab his nose.

"Nikki, I need you to hear me, hear what I'm trying to tell you. You have lost so much in your life, I know how deeply those things have affected you, and I know you're still dealing with them in many ways know... But Nik, Nik I don't want to be the one to break your heart with disappointment and regret... I couldn't do that to you." He meant everything he said, yet somehow, Nikki's caring treatment of his wounds, eased more than his painful skin.

Nikki, sighed. She put down the cotton wool and reached out for him. She spoke clearly and concisely and she held back her self doubt and fear remarkably well.

"Harry Cunningham, now _I_ need you to hear me, _I_ need you to hear what I am telling _you_! I love you. I can't be without you. I won't be without you. I have been in love with you for so long; it's funny what pain and fear does it, makes you realise who the people are that one just can't be without. You're _more_ than enough Harry, you're too much; this morning at Leo's we shared something special, you made me feel precious and no one has ever made me feel that way; to be honest I thought I'd never be able to feel that way about myself again, but you did it... you were the one. I don't want anybody else, I can't imagine having sex with anyone else ever, I wouldn't trust them, you're the only person I trust with that, and so many other things. You, Harry, you're all I want. This morning, it was for you... I know it wasn't much but it _was _beautiful." This time when she kissed his lips he kissed her back and her anxiety melted into contentment.

"So, you better not leave me now Harry, I can't do this without you. I don't want to be your friend Harry... not anymore, we're lovers and no one, not even _those bastards_ are going to take that from me, from us... and yes I have lost things in my life but I won't lose you, not to this, not to them."

Nikki pulled Harry to her kissing his neck, his jaw, searching out his lips. She kissed him slowly and lightly at first, but desire took over and she kissed him, passionately, feverishly; her hands sought out his bare chest and she caressed him with her fingertips. Harry, knowing that he needed to see her, to talk to her, he broke their kiss.

"I'm sorry, I know that you're right, you're always right; it's just the way I feel about you... it's all consuming and overwhelming and I don't know what do do with these emotions now that I'm allowed to explore them." He brushed his lips across her forehead.

"I feel the same too, it's difficult, because it's new for us but we'll get there, we've both waited too long to let this be taken from us, and now we have it... well, I feel complete when I'm with you." Nikki climbed into his lap and encircled her arms around his neck,

"Me too Nik, me too."

Nikki carefully and playfully touched her nose against his, half seductively, half concerned for for his pain. Their eyes were fixed on one another; right now in this moment, the only person that mattered to either of them was sitting embracing them. They gazed at one another devotedly, then they kissed, sharing their anxieties until each dissipated into truth and acceptance ... and for them, in this instant it was enough.

**awww Harry is a love =)**


	36. Chapter 36

**Sunburn, and sunstroke has kept me indoors and the result is writing fic hehe ;) **

**Chapter 36 **

Nikki had been snuggling with Harry for over an hour; her caresses and kisses had Harry completely mesmerised. She didn't want to break the physical contact with Harry; she was addicted. Nevertheless, Nikki realised that Leo must have been worried, she explained to Harry that they needed to contact Leo and that they had to decide what they were going to do about Hughes.

Harry changed his clothes, whilst Nikki sat and stared at the spot on the sofa that Hughes had been sat the previous night. She felt nauseous at the thought of him, at the thought of the driver too; she still couldn't comprehend what they had done to her, how they had made her feel. She was clueless, she didn't know how she was supposed to act, what she was supposed to feel; the only thing that she knew for certain was how she felt about Harry. She knew that if she was going to get through this dark period she had to focus her energy on that, but she was afraid, since every time she closed her eyes she saw _them_, saw herself and felt their violation.

"Nik? I'm ready, are you okay?" Harry took her hand and helped her to her feet.

"After everything I have told you over the past hour... and now I'm struggling, Harry it's not going to be easy is it?"

"No Niks... not at all." He placed a hand around her neck and rubbed it with his thumb to sooth her, he knew that she was referring to their assault on her, and the mental trauma she suffered.

"But it will get better though? Won't it?" She was talking about her memories and her nightmares.

"Yes, yes it will, my love. Now... first we need to get _this_ to Leo." He held up the plastic bag containing his bloody shirt, then took Hughes' glass tumbler from the coffee table and placed that in the bag too.

Leo checked his watch for the fourth time, it had been thirty minutes since Nikki had called from Harry's mobile, saying that they were on their way back to work. He sat back down at his desk in the office and looked blankly at the computer screen in front of him; he hadn't felt quite this fraught with uneasiness since that Saturday morning, when the frantic phone call from Harry shook him from his hangover. However, that was 17 days ago and much had happened in that short space of time.

Leo was about to check his e-mail when he heard the outer door to the lab buzz and click. He looked through the glass from his office waiting to see who had entered; he breathed a sigh of relief when he heard Nikki's unmistakable giggle. They walked past his office arm in arm, and Leo hurried to meet them.

He stepped from his office and grabbed Nikki into a protective hug. Harry smiled at the sight of their embrace and then, turned away, knowing he had some explaining to do. Leo looked at him,

"Harry... where the hell have you been. You've had us worried sick. What the hell were you thinking?" He let go of Nikki and she moved to stand with Harry,

"Leo! Just leave it-" She tried to defend his actions,

"Nikki, he can't just run off and go around punching people just-"

"Leo, leave him-"

"Leo, Nik, look it's okay, yes you're right Leo. And I'm sorry I had you both worried. I wasn't thinking straight. I saw red and I lost it, but it's going to be okay... there's another way." He held up the plastic bag,

"What other way?" Anger had left Leo and was replaced with curiosity.

"These, a glass from my flat, one that Hughes drank from and my shirt; I hit him pretty hard, it's got his blood splattered on the cuffs and arms." Harry removed both items from the bag and handed them to Leo.

"Excellent Harry. I'll get started. I knew you had a brain in there... somewhere." Leo winked and patted Harry on the arm, and Harry knew that things were fine between them.

Harry turned to Nikki and she examined the small cut above his eyebrow; she kissed his wound and kissed his bandaged hand. Her smile was sunny; Harry felt as though he was the luckiest man on the planet. He kissed her cheek,

"I'm going to check on Leo, I'll be back in 5, and then we, should really call DCI Kempster. Okay Nik? Are you okay to wait here?" He squeezed her hand.

"Yes, I'll be in here, I'll check on some tox reports while I wait."

Nikki sat herself at Harry's desk and dialed the familiar number. She spoke with the toxicologist on the phone and was reassured with how easy she slipped back into 'patient' Dr Alexander, always chasing late tox reports. Her heart sank when it dawned on her that it would be at least another week or so until she was back in the cutting room where she belonged; laughing and joking with Harry and Leo.

Charlie, walked through the lab and Nikki was glad to see her, the atmosphere was welcoming and familiar, she wandered over to Charlie and tapped her on the shoulder,

"Hi" Nikki smiled

"Doctor Alex- Nikki... it's good to see you, you look much, well it's good to see you." Charlie grabbed her and hugged her like an old friend.

The door to the lab buzzed and clicked but the women presumed that it was either Harry or another colleague. Still, chatting and smiling Nikki turned to the person that had entered the room and sat themselves at Harry's desk,

"Hello Nicola, tut, tut, tut... what did I say about telling people?"

Nikki stopped. Her blood froze. Her mouth dried. She sensed panic was setting in and her brain wouldn't process the information that her eyes were sending her. She felt sick; she knew that she would vomit; instinctively her hand reached for the work surface and before she knew it her stomach contents were in a pool on the floor of the lab.

Nikki felt Charlie's hand rubbing her back, she knew she was talking but she couldn't make out the words that she was saying; she saw Hughes from the corner of her eye, and so she closed them. Her heart was beating in her throat and she heaved and wretched once more. She sensed Hughes stand and move towards where Charlie was trying to help her; she couldn't verbalise the fear that she felt, she simply cried out for Harry.

"Harry, get Harry, get Harry, I _need_ Harry."

Unaware of the danger that Hughes posed, Charlie hurried to find Harry at Nikki's request. Nikki watched as Charlie exited through the double doors; tears streamed as she realised she was alone with Hughes, once more. She wouldn't left him hurt her, he couldn't; she would do anything to keep him away from her.

Hughes stood directly in front of her; he placed his arms either side of her, preventing her from escaping him. He moved his face towards hers to steel a kiss and she slapped him, heat seared through the palm of her hand but it was satisfying. She spat in his face; Hughes stepped back more from shock than pain and Nikki saw the rage rise within him, his face contorted and before his fist made contact with her body she pulled a rack of glass vials and threw them at his raised hands. The glass shattered across his fists and he yelled out in frustration; Nikki made as dash for the telephone on Harry's desk but before she reached the receiver Hughes grabbed her by her hair and tugged on it viciously making her cry out in pain.

Determined, Nikki took a step back aiming precisely on Hughes' foot, she stamped with her heel and when he doubled over in pain, she turned and kneed him as hard as she could between the legs; he crouched to the floor swearing and cursing obscenities, "bitch", "slut", "Whore"...

The words that he used called out to the memories that Nikki had concerning_ that_ night. They terrorised her, with each word she felt a slap, a punch, cramping and violation. She stood and watched Hughes scramble to his feet as the words tortured her again; she _hated _him, she _hated _what they'd done to her, she _hated_ the way that they made her feel. Nikki Alexander was possessed by an insufferable agony, an uncontrollable rage, transfixed she reached for the nearest object and crashed it down onto Hughes, again and again; Nikki smashed the heavy object over him until she lost her grip, yet that didn't stop her from kicking... and kicking... and kicking until her legs ached and she was finally held back by someone who was shouting at her to "stop".

Through her tears she saw that it was Harry that had hold of her arms from behind. Hughes lay bloody and motionless on the floor, Leo and a security guard checked his pulse. Unable to remain steady on her feet, Nikki collapsed but was caught by Harry; he held her up and pulled her to his chest as she sobbed incoherently into him.

"He's okay. Harry take her into my office and call the police." Leo stood and motioned to the security guard to take Hughes out,

"Get him out of here will you... take him somewhere Doctor Alexander won't see him while we wait for the police to arrive."

**Well? xx**


	37. Chapter 37

**Another nice chapter... well I hope**

**Chapter 37**

Three weeks. Twenty-one days. A week plus a fortnight. Five hundred and four hours to be precise. Nikki lay on the sofa wrapped in Harry's dressing gown; she considered the time that had passed since the brutal attack on her body and her mind, today she was dealing with it. That said, she had only been awake ten minutes so the day had barely begun; nonetheless, ten minutes in and she was doing well. She sipped her coffee and flicked through the channels, avoiding anything that required her to concentrate; she settled for 'top ten British destinations for your hound'. As she watched the buxom woman with her collie throw a ball along the beach, she realised that she too longed for fresh coastal sea air.

Nikki snuggled into the sofa and looked forward to her weekend with Harry. They hadn't made any particular plans but she suspected that he would be taking her to some air show or a petting zoo; she secretly hoped for the latter. On Sunday, they would most definitely be spending the afternoon by the fire in Ye Olde Mitre Tavern, a past-time she was desperate to form. Harry's dramatic yawning from the bedroom stirred her from her musings. She sat her mug on the coffee table and padded slowly to the bedroom; she needed her mid-morning Harry fix.

Harry's half naked body was splayed across the whole of the bed; his arms were under the large white pillows and his face was hiding from the the daylight that invaded the bedroom.

"Harry, I've not been out of bed ten minutes and you've taken over my space like some drunken bachelor." She pulled Harry's dressing gown tighter to her body,

"It's 'cause I miss you when you're not in my bed." His voice was sleepy and muffled. He lifted the sheets signaling for Nikki to climb back in; she giggled and settled in beside him.

"Harry, what shall we do today?" the dull, uncomfortable ache in her abdomen required her to lay on her back, she faced the ceiling but eyed Harry to make sure that he was making an appropriate effort to wake up.

"What ever you want my love," He was tired but Nikki mistook it for nonchalance; she lightly poked him in the ribs to encourage a much more detailed response.

"Hey!" He struggled onto his side and playfully pulled her into his personal space. He kissed her lips lightly and quickly; she responded instantly with a searing kiss that made his pulse race.

Nikki ran her fingers through his dark hair and watched him closely as he kissed her neck and chest; Harry easily rid her of his dressing gown and was captivated by the sight of her in her underwear. Nikki too, was enamoured with the feel of his lips on her skin; her insecurities were slowly unravelling with each tender kiss from her love. Yet as much as she loved and felt loved she was still afraid; she was anxious that she wasn't enough for him, and that her memories would creep in and steal precious moments from Harry and her.

"Harry, I'm sorry-" she found his wandering hands and entwined hers with them to make them still.

"S'okay. Don't be sorry." Harry kissed her and pulled the sheets to cover her body.

"Soon." It was more a declaration for herself than to him,

"Niks, there's no rush." It wasn't a lie but he would most certainly be willing to take the next step as soon as she felt ready.

"Thanks." She smiled and kissed his still bruised nose. "I'm going to take a shower; I expect toast and coffee when I'm done." She clambered from the bed and he threw a pillow in her direction; it missed her by a mile.

Harry stood in the kitchen, in his boxers and T-shirt, waiting for the coffee to brew; he listened to the rain pelting the windows and momentarily worried that Nikki may be struggling with her fears in the shower, as he listened he realised that the shower had finished running. He breathed relief and considered how to make Nikki smile for the rest of the day. He was consumed by blissful images of _his _Nikki, kissing, happy; he had never felt like this about a woman before. There had been plenty of women that he desired and had enjoyed their company when he had the time, but this was incomparable. He was besotted, a school boy head-over-heels; he was nervous and giddy, enchanted and determined. Harry shook his head as he tempered his excitement; he needed to remember that she was still hurting, and the process of healing would be an unhurried and painful experience. All the same, they were in love and they were together.

"Harry? Harry, I need you. Can you come here please?" Nikki's voice brought Harry back into the kitchen. Worried, he made his way to the bathroom and tapped lightly on the door.

"Nik? Can I come in?" She opened the door, and peeked her head into the gap.

Nikki's eyes avoided Harry's; her cheeks were flush and Harry knew that she was trying to hide her embarrassment. She went to speak and then decided against it. Harry placed his arm lightly on her shoulder to encourage her to talk. She looked up and her eyes brimmed,

"Hey what's wrong?" He was concerned but it was clear that she wasn't afraid or panicked,

"It's just... I feel silly." She bit her bottom lip.

"Just say it Nik... just say," He was more curious than concerned,

"I need... erm... I have... Oh Harry, I have got my period. I mean, I wasn't expecting it. I'm early. I'm not organised- what I'm saying is... well, I need you to go to the shops for me." Nikki flustered through her words.

Harry stood there with a stupefied grin stretching from ear to ear; he was pleased that it was something so simple, he couldn't _fix _it but he could certainly help. He stepped into the bathroom and pulled her into a bear hug. Confused by his response, Nikki simply enjoyed the contact.

"Harry? So... the shop?" She questioned again,

"The shop?" He clearly hadn't understood what she was asking of him.

"Harry, I need... I need..."

"Yes I know my love, chocolate." He was pleased with his extensive knowledge of a woman's monthly needs.

"No, Harry." Nikki looked at him with an expression that conveyed her disbelief.

"Then what? Oh- Ohhhhh. Right yes. Okay I'll throw some clothes on; I'll be back in 20." He kissed her forehead and hurried to the bedroom, changed, lifted his keys and wallet and rushed out of the door, hoping that Nikki hadn't sensed his boyish-embarrassment.

Harry cagily stood in the aisle labeled 'feminine hygene'; he held the shopping basket, which contained 6 bars of chocolate and a copy of 'Rolling Stone', in a particularly masculine way. He had walked down the aisle several times now, glancing at the variety of products that were on offer to woman; he had hoped that this approach would prove fruitful but as he wandered past he couldn't read the labels on the items quick enough. He reminded himself that he was indeed a man in his 30's and that he did actually have a medical degree; he spent his day with dead bodies, _naked _dead bodies and he had performed over a dozen PMs which had included close inspection, dissection and analysis of a woman's uterus and connecting tissues. He told himself that he was simply buying tampons, and that thought too, then caused his confusion to escalate; he stopped, he had to take a better look if he was going to make an informed decision.

Before he knew it he was knelt down, examining and comparing three different packets of the same brand; he was amazed by the vast choice that he was confronted with. His deep concentration was interrupted by a lady in her 50's, she was smiling at him,

"Need some help?"

"No. No. Most definitely not, they're not for me... I mean I'm a pathologist, my girlfriend sent me." He hastily grabbed two more packets from the shelf and made his way to the checkout.

As he waited for his VISA to dial through the payment he felt the shop assistant's eyes on him; he reddened as he realised that she must have guessed that he was completely clueless as she packed all five items into the plastic bag. This one event clarified his feelings for Nikki like sharp crystal; if this wasn't love, then what was?

**Poor Nikki, lovely but silly Harry =)**


	38. Chapter 38

**Thanks for the awsome reviews... special thanks to Bee XXX, Faye for cute reviews LOL ;) and Ammyyy hehe. And Everyone else cheers guys =)**

**Chapter 38**

Harry sat on the sofa feeling particularly pleased with is small shopping trip; he had handed Nikki the carrier bag of goods and she was currently sorting herself in the bathroom. He ran through a selection of outings that they could do for the rest of the day: an air show at Fairford, the petting Zoo at Chestington or even share hot dogs at the local indoor ice rink.

Annoyed, Nikki stomped from the bathroom and made her way to the kitchen sink. Harry watched her with awe; he couldn't believe that they were finally together, the way that he had wanted them to be for longer than he could remember. As he gazed he noticed that she had poured herself a glass of water and was popping aspirin from its foiled packet.

She was cross, in fact she was upset _and_ cross and she couldn't really explain why. The dull ache in her lower back was familiar but somehow frightening; she knew that the cramp in her belly was natural, but for some reason unknown it made her feel a little distressed. She easily swallowed the aspirin and prayed it would get to work on the pains that were playing on her overactive mind. It was then she established the root cause of her bad temper; she had completed the prescribed course of painkillers two days ago, and now that she had her period she was back to taking ineffective aspirin... 'typical' she thought.

And then she remembered. It burned her conscious like scalding water; the pain. The pain she suffered at _their_ hands. The pain in her abdomen... it was _their_ atrocious tearing and her unspeakable bleeding, the natural ache in her belly became _their_ nauseating intrusion; the dull ache in her lower back was the paralysing cramp from _their_ violation. She poured herself another glass of water and drank it quickly as if to wash away the thoughts that grew like bacteria on her brain.

Harry saw her drink the water and fold her arms securely around herself; he recognised her troubled posture immediately. He stood and made his way to offer his embrace. He placed his arms around her waist and softly kissed her neck. His gentle flutters on her skin brought her back into the kitchen, back into Harry's arms; the pains that she was suffering now were simply pains felt by women the world over, and had been for a millennia. Nikki would not let _them_ take that right from her. A late starter, she had waited eagerly as a teenager to experience this feminine pain; it did not, and would not belong to _them_.

"Nik, I thought we could take a trip to the petting zoo, do you fancy that?" He rested his chin on the top of her head.

"That would be nice ... but..." She turned to face him,

"But what Nik?" He was unsure of her response,

"I... I just don't feel up to it. It's raining still and, I just want to stay still. Is that okay? Can we sit and watch movies and just well... snuggle. Harry, I just want to snuggle today." Nikki wrapped her arms around him and lay her head on his chest.

"No problem Niks." Harry was delighted that his name had been the one that she had used the word 'snuggle' with in the same sentence. He could get used to Nikki's affectionate vocabulary; what he hadn't quite realised is that he was already addicted.

Outside the wind and the rain was relentless; it hammered the windows and cracked against the glass. Indoors, love was just as persistent; Nikki and Harry lay together on the sofa, Harry had wrapped her in an Afghan and plied her with chocolate. She was snug, she was treasured and she was happy. Both of them were pleased with her decision stay home; the movie Harry had chosen was perfect:

_"I'm afraid it may take a little longer."  
"It's not how long it takes, it's who's taking you."_

Harry smiled at the black and white images from the TV screen; he loved old Marylin Monroe movies and he suspected that Nikki did too; she giggled at the funny one-liners that epitomised _Some Like It Hot. _

Harry noticed that Nikki kept placing her hand on her side and her stomach, she was clearly uncomfortable and this worried him; after all, he had never cared for another woman's well being and comfort in quite this way. She had suffered enough pain over the last three weeks and he wasn't going to let her natural cycle cause her any more unnecessary discomfort. He untangled himself from Nikki and made his way to the kitchen.

"No more chocolate Harry." Nikki warned him, her eyes still transfixed on the old comedy.

Minutes later, Harry returned with a hot water bottle that was covered in something that could only be described as a tea cosy.

"Here Nik, take this." He handed her the warm woolen bottle,

"What... is it?" She was referring to the cover,

"Oh, it's my old hot water bottle from when I was a student. My Nan knitted the cover, one of her presents to me before I embarked on my university life; she must have known that students don't like to waste their money on heating bills." He sat back down, helping her readjust her blanket,

"Another glimpse into the Cunningham tradition; how very cute." She admired the woolen knitting and marvelled at the time and patience it would have taken Harry's nan. She missed her nan and it resonated in her momentarily.

"It's not to gawp at Nik, it's for your belly. Come on, place it on your stomach, it'll ease off the cramps." He kissed her cheek.

"How did you know I-" She quizzed him as she settled back against his chest,

"Nik, you've been fidgeting, sighing and holding your stomach for the past hour now." He chuckled.

"Sorry." She truely was.

"Stop-saying-sorry." His voice was monotone and robotic, making the point that she needed to break this habit of feeling guilty.

"It's just well... I... I'm not like this every month Harry. I'm not. I just get on with it... but..." She turned to look at him to make sure it was okay for her to explain.

"But?" He waited...

"It reminds me- It feels the same... well not exactly the same but the aches and pain are well... and the feeling is..." She knew how she felt both physically and emotionally but she couldn't link the two and put them into a coherent explanation,

"I understand, or at least I think I do." Harry reached for her hand,

"Do you think I will be reminded every month? Do you think I'm never going to feel like these _are _natural and I'm not completely disgusting?" Her concerns were genuine, and she also knew that when spoken out loud they sounded silly, but she knew that Harry would not think they were and that he would be honest in his response to her fears,

"It may take a few months but... I know you, you'll not let those bastards do that to something that's so natural and belongs to you. And to be honest neither will I." He squeezed her hand to reassure her.

"Harry... you actually can be very sensible and... rather clever, when you want to be, that is" She lent up an kissed him, softly and completely.

"Believe it or not I do _have_ a medical degree; it makes me an expert in-" He was unable to finish as Nikki laughed and rolled her eyes,

"Trust me Harry, that does not make you an expert in well, much really... Seriously how many boxes of tampons and sanitary towels did you buy me? You must have cleared a space on the shop shelf." She giggled away at the thought of him, standing scratching his head in the relevant shopping aisle.

"I knew exactly what I was doing Doctor Alexander, I merely wanted you to have ...erm ... options." He blushed.

"I don't need options," She kissed him passionately; she stopped momentarily, both to breathe and to complete her sentence "I just need you."

**Next chapter soon... well?**


	39. Chapter 39

**heyyyy here's chapter 39... only like 5 chapters left, but Am starting a NEW SWfic... I hope that your read that too ;)**

**Chapter 39**

It was late when the doting couple returned home from their leisurely afternoon at the quintessential English pub; late being 10:30pm. They had spent their Sunday morning together in bed, holding and kissing one another whilst they listened to the rain outside. Eventually, Nikki had reluctantly dragged Harry from the bedroom and explained that she wanted him to take her back to the pub that he had shared with her a few weeks ago. He was truly touched as he listened to her fondly describe how she wanted to be part of that particular Cunningham pastime; and as she spoke he envisioned a blond boy helping him carry his fishing tackle back from the river behind the pub.

Exhausted, Nikki sat on the sofa and struggled to pull off her boots; Harry sat with her and pulled them off for her. Both Harry and Nikki were soaked as the rain had drenched them on the small trip from the car to the apartment; their jeans were sodden.

"Harry, I'm wet through." She stood up and made her way to the bedroom to change.

"Me too." He followed purely because he wanted to be around her as much as he possibly could. He sat on the bed and kicked off his shoes.

"Harry, I came in here to change." She lifted her pyjamas from underneath her pillow,

"I know. I wanted to... help." He stripped himself of his jumper and threw it to a corner of the room.

"Oh. Okay... well firstly, you can get your wet jeans off of my side of the bed, and then you can help by going and putting the heating on; I'm freezing." She playfully launched her cardigan at his face.

"Hey!" Harry stood and tugged her into his arms, "I have just the remedy," he snuggled at her neck, placing warm kisses onto her cold skin.

"Harry, I meant the central heating-" She pulled back and grinned as she gave him her best incredulous look,

"Why Doctor Alexander? Aren't I hot enough for you?" He tugged her back to where he could easily nibble on her neck,

"Harry you are always enough. But I meant thermal heat _not_ body heat." She extended her neck to allow him access to kiss along her collar bone.

"You know... the best way to generate heat is to climb naked into a bed with someone else who is already naked in the bed." His lips stilled and he watched for her response.

"Well, since you are _such_ a good boy, and have been _exceptionally_ patient ... perhaps maybe we could practise getting naked and sharing body heat later?" She finally succumbed to him and encircled her arms around his neck; he melted as he felt her hot breath on his lips.

"Later hey? Exactly how much later?" Harry wanted to kiss her but instead he basked in the seductive persona that, for this moment, had empowered Nikki.

"Oh much, much later Harry; I'm wet... _and_ cold, and so are you... now go." She laughed as she pointed to the bedroom door.

Harry obediently did as he was told; he flicked the switch for the central heating, and he boiled the kettle whilst he went around locking the doors and turning off the lights. He was looking forward to handing Nikki the hot water bottle, he knew that she thought his Nan's knitting was particularly cute, he knew that it would ease her cramps too, most of all, he knew that these things combined could possibly lead to him receiving amazing, passionate Nikki kisses.

He wandered into the bedroom, water bottle under arm and saw that Nikki had crawled under the sheets. Her damp hair was strewn across her pillow and it appeared much darker than the light blond that he had etched onto the small boy from his daydream. He sat beside her on the bed and stroked her hair behind her ear.

"Nik?" His voice was low, he didn't want to wake her in case she had managed to fall into a peaceful sleep.

With no response, he cautiously drew back the sheets from her body; when he saw that she had adopted an almost foetal position, his heart ached. Gently, he sat the knitted bundle of warmth close to her belly. Harry sat and watched his lover drift further into a tranquil slumber; he was captivated, he smiled at her blue cotton vest and examined every embroidered detail until his eyes were lured to her soft white skin; he lightly touched her bare arms with his fingertips and gazed at her slightly parted lips as she breathed shallow and slow, until eventually Harry was certain that Nikki was indeed snoozing. He lent close and kissed her shoulder, whispering affectionate goodnights into her ear. He carefully pulled the sheets up around her securely, and began his own bedtime routine. Within minutes they had subconsciously wrapped themselves around one another.

Was it too much to ask? Just one night? One simple night. New born infants manage it without any practise or guidance. Human nature, animal instinct; it was supposed to be natural and straightforward. It was only sleep. Yet she found it truly unmanageable, and Harry despised the cause of the desperate waking hours that stole sleep so savagely from her.

He had been woken by her insistent restlessness, alas, she had been woken by her unforgiving nightmare before Harry had the chance to gently coax her back into the safety of their bedroom. Nikki screamed, she cried, and before long she wept silently clutching Harry as she settled into his lap. Harry cradled her making sure that he soothed her by rubbing her back and petting her hair; he was unsure of his ability to console her but this method seem to be the most effective in bringing his precious woman back into the present.

Harry too wanted to cry; he brimmed with anger, infuriated with every second that they had taken from her, every minute that they still took. Completely selfless he wondered how many more nights would be spent like this? How many more nightmares would the have to endure? He was helpless to stop them seeping into her dreams but realised that perhaps he could fill her mind with positive images, memories and hopes for the future. In the amber glow of the side light Harry devised a plan; it was small and insignificant but perhaps it would chase her nightmares away if only for a few days.

**How was that then? XX**


	40. Chapter 40

**Here's another installment... I'm getting anxious that it's nearly the end lol ;)**

**Chapter 40**

The rain had eased just as Nikki's tears had eased in the early morning light of Monday morning. Nonetheless the dark heavy clouds hung over London like an unforgiving memory. The streets were quiet except for the dust bin lorries, the odd taxi and the early bird bankers who were anything but disheartened by the down turn in the economy. The air was cool and crisp as it blew through Harry's bedroom window. The chill in the room made Nikki snuggle in closer to her man; she gained warmth and strength from his unwavering presence.

She hadn't slept since she was cruelly woken from her sleep, in fact, neither of them had. Disturbed by her dreams she had refused to close her eyes again that evening and the result was that Harry had forgone his nightly intake of snoozing too. They hadn't made conversation for an hour or so, instead they had listened to one another steadily breathing; Harry setting the standard in order to sooth Nikki. Their silence was comfortable, it was relaxing as it allowed them to feel the rhythm and pulse of their bodies; subconsciously synchronising their physical selves.

Nikki considered how she had spent the past few hours; she was horrified with her reaction to her nightmare, ashamed by her response to Harry's initial gentle handling. She was tired of tears and pain, exhausted from fear and apprehension however as she analysed her emotions she knew that right now she didn't want to be anywhere else. Harry's arms were her safe haven; he was was her guardian angel. In his presence she felt beautiful, in his presence she felt like a human again not the wretched animal that _they_ had her believe she was.

She wanted to capture this moment; just the two of them, no phone calls, no e-mails, or PM reports. No concerned Leo checking on their relationship's progress. No accusing eyes telling her that she should not be pursuing romantic fulfilment as this early stage of her recovery. Nikki wanted to disconnect from the world and immerse herself in everything that was Harry. She wanted to get away, just the two of them but she knew that it would be unfair on Leo and his work load, besides today was her first full day back at work. It would be bad-manners to take more time off considering her attendance over the past threw weeks.

As Harry held her close and fiddled with her hair he smiled at his ingenious secret plan; a few days on the coast. He would explain to Leo that it was a necessary requirement to help heal Nikki. He would organise it from work; he didn't want Nikki to find out what he had planned in case she felt he was trying to keep her away from work, he worried that she would take it to mean that he didn't think her fit enough to be back in the cutting room.

The vibration from Harry's mobile knocked against the wooden bedside table and nudged them both from their musings. Nikki gently placed her hand on Harry's arm; she looked up at him, her eyes expressing that she was content sitting in his embrace and didn't want to be disturbed. Harry stretched his neck to check who's name appeared on the screen,

"Sorry my love, it's Leo." She shook her head quickly, she knew they had at least another hour to themselves before they had to even consider leaving the bed.

"Nik, it's early,_ too_ early it must be important." Nikki gave in and nodded.

She felt Harry's body tighten and tense in her arms, and she saw how his expression shifted from one of serenity to confusion and then as his eyes moved to hers, concern. A damp blanket covered her heart as she knew that this was the end of their tranquil morning together; the world and it's complexities were due to infiltrate the cocoon they had created over the past hour. Harry hung up the phone.

"Nik, hmm... the DNA is a match, the relevant report was sent to the police less than an hour ago; Hughes is going to apply for bail." Harry pulled the sheets higher around them.

"But- but he can't be granted bail, I mean he simply can't be..." The familiar lump grew in her throat,

"What do you want to do Nik?" Harry knew that the next few hours would be a hellish wait for her.

"I - I - I want to cry Harry." She held back tears and waited for his direction,

"Oh Nik, don't cry, it will be okay, in the end. And surely if the driver was refused bail then Hughes hasn't got a chance in hell-" He was interrupted,

"Because he threatened me at work too-" It was self clarification rather than a question,

"Yes, and that too. He's dangerous Nik, they both are. I think it will be fine." Harry wished for his final sentence to come true.

"Promise me Harry?" She cried but no tears fell, she was stronger,

"Nik, I can't promise you because I don't know; but I _can_ promise you that it will be okay... in the end." They sat in contemplative silence for a few more minutes.

"We need to get up don't we?" She sighed,

"Yes we should, but I will treat you to a take-out breakfast on the way to work. Leo is desperate to see you; I think he's missed you this weekend; no doubt I'll get a lecture about hiding you away indoors." Harry rolled his eyes in mock annoyance.

It was after 3pm when Nikki realised that she hadn't seen Harry for over an hour, and that Leo hadn't checked on her from the observation room for at least quarter of an hour. She had finished her 3rd postmortem of the day; it had been all consuming, not once had she thought about Hughes and his application for bail. She stretched and yawned, she was stiff from standing in the same position for too long a period. The PMs that she had performed that day included: a man in his 60's who had suffered from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and the cause of death was asphyxiation; a teenage boy died from internal bleeding a result of a RTA and finally a woman in her 30's who had overdosed... a suicide. She paused for thought as she disinfected her hands at the large ceramic basin: suicide? What despair she must have felt to believe that ending her young life was the only plausible option; what pain she must have suffered in her life. Nikki considered her emotions that had been drawn from her current circumstances, not once had she wanted to end her life, as much as she had wanted to hide from the world and herself, mostly hope stirred in her like a baby bird fluttering its wings.

Nikki dried her hands on a paper towel, she screwed it up and determined, threw it into the bin; she imagined that the creased bundle were the fears, insecurities and anxieties from deep in her soul. She had Harry. She would build a life with him. Nikki turned and sadly watched as Nigel covered the woman's body. She would not be defeated. Lost in conclusion she walked right into Leo.

"Easy Nik! Are you okay?" He placed his hands on both of her shoulders to steady them both,

"Yes. Yes. I'm fine. Actually I'm really... I feel good." Naturally she flashed him a smile of conviction.

"Well, good, great. As soon as you're changed can you meet Harry and I in my office? DCI Kempster is here and she wants to speak to you personally." He let go of her shoulders but lightly squeezed her arm.

"About the bail?" Her heart quickened,

"I think so but I don't know what the outcome was. Nik, go change I'll meet you up there."

On the drive home from work Nikki couldn't keep her smile from her face or her playful hands off Harry. She was happy, giddy and she wanted this feeling to last, even if only for a few hours. Harry found it difficult to concentrate on the road due to Nikki's sweet natured distractions.

"I love seeing you like this Nik." Harry took his hand from the steering wheel and squeezed her knee.

"Well I love feeling like this. It's refreshing, and I feel... well I _don't _feel afraid and it's starting to be... over." She placed her hand over Harry's as she sighed relief.

"Yes... but Nik... there's still a little way to go; there will be court and-" He wanted to be be completely honest with her, not wanting to encourage feelings of a false of conclusion.

"I know Harry, I know... I'm not being naive; it's a step towards the end but the fact that he wasn't granted any bail conditions proves to people that it wasn't my fault or anything that I did-" She didn't get to finish,

"What? Nikki! _No-one_ has_ ever_ thought that; it never even crossed anyones' mind. What _they_ did to you was nothing to do with anything you ever _said_ or ever _did_; it was them, it was all them. Okay? I don't want you to think that you are in anyway responsible for their actions." Harry's hands were back on the steering wheel and his knuckles were growing white.

"Harry, I don't want to think about them and what they did, I don't want to even mention them. Not now. Not tonight. I just want to think about us." She reached across and carefully took his hand from the wheel and held it in hers.

"Okay. No problem. Shall I take you to dinner my love?" He grinned but kept his eyes on the road ahead.

"Not out, but maybe we should stop off and pick up something to cook and a bottle of wine?" Nikki rested her head against the seat and closed her eyes; she was too exhausted to deal with getting ready to go out however the idea of fine food, wine and Harry all to herself sounded like pure bliss.

"Whatever the lady wants, the lady gets." He pulled her hand to his mouth and gave her three sweet kisses.

**And what did you think guys? xx**


	41. Chapter 41

**A lovely setting, I hope =) ... DEDICATED TO BEE XXX**

**Chapter 41**

The pink light from the setting sun filled Harry's kitchen with a beautiful sense of warmth; the overcast sky drifted to the west and in its place left swirls of oranges and pinks in the remaining clouds. The apartment was alive with the smell of garlic and ginger; the pan on the stove crackled and sizzled, as he added the diced chicken, steam rose filling the surrounding air with delicious fumes. Nikki's senses were telling her she was hungry. Hungry for food, hungry for Harry, hungry for life. She watched Harry intensely as she lent against the table and took a small sip of red wine from the over sized glass. Harry had his back to her and chopped green peppers, he preferred red, but Nikki had wanted green. As he started on the onion he felt Nikki's arms circle around his waist; her body was pressed up close to his and he grinned as she lay her head against his shoulder blades.

"Are you okay Nik? How's the wine?" He threw the vegetables into the pan and stirred.

"The wine is fine Harry, as am I... I just wanted to hug you." She lightly squeezed him.

"I thought _we_ were going to cook _together _Nik?" Harry teased her,

"We are." Nikki smiled to herself wondering what his next response would be,

"Are _we_? I know_ I_ am." The food steamed as he tipped a little wine into the pan.

"Yes. _We_ are. I am _helping_."

"Oh helping? Is that what this is? Right, I'm glad you've clarified that for me." He took the pan off the heat and placed it at the back of the hob. He turned to face her and stole a light kiss.

"Well I'm glad I could be of assistance Doctor Cunningham." Tired, she let herself relax into him and let him hold her steady as they slowly kissed and then steadily, more fully. Harry broke the kiss and Nikki moved closer to re-initiate the sensation; Harry refrained,

"We're cooking Nik." He smiled as he draped his arm over her shoulder and led her over to the fridge.

"Oh? I thought we were kissing?" Nikki easily pulled him to her and kissed his lips playfully until Harry gave in and engulfed her with his passionate response. Again he broke the kiss. "Aww Doctor Cunningham, don't you want to kiss me?" She feigned mock seriousness.

"You need to eat. You haven't eaten properly for days, that is my main priority; once that is taken care of... my love, we can kiss for as long as you like." He kissed her on the lips, then opened the fridge door. "Creme fraiche, sugar, strawberries, that can be your contribution Nik." Harry kissed her forehead, and went to finish cooking dinner.

They sat side by side at the dining table while they ate; there was no candle lit atmosphere, they didn't need it, they had so much more than the small light that could emanate from a single flame. Between laughing and talking Harry kept a cautious eye on Nikki's plate; he was conscious that her eating habits had mirrored her emotions over that past three weeks and it showed on her frame.

Between them they had polished off a bottle of wine; as Nikki stood, to fetch the second bottle from the fridge, she lost her balance and sat back down in her seat. Harry laughed at her tipsiness, after all she had really only had two glasses.

"Nikki, what are you doing?" He affectionately rubbed her back,

"More wine; this is dead." She held the bottle upside down to prove her point.

It was then that he realised that he had a very _drunk_ Nikki on his hands. He felt responsible, he should have known that even just a little alcohol would go to her head; she would regret it in the morning.

"Harry? More wine please." She posed her best puppy dog eyes,

"No way Nik. You have _most definitely_had enough." He looked at her plate and saw that she still had food left that she had pushed to one side. "Besides you haven't eaten your dinner, Nik you have to try to eat more." He pushed her plate gently towards her,

"But I'm full." She pushed it back.

"Oh? Full are you? Not too full for wine though are we Nik?" He kissed her temple.

"Hmm, no kissing, no wine... Harry I never knew you were so... so sensible." She playfully nudged him with her elbow.

"And I never knew you were so... impatient. I tell you what, you eat three more mouthfuls of my brilliant yet under-rated cooking, and some strawberries and then, and _only _then Nik, you can drink red wine to your heart's content." Proud of his ingenious plan to get more food into his thinning love, Harry picked up her fork and handed it to her.

"And the kissing?" She moved in to him, their lips painfully close, Harry felt her breath on his lips,

"Nik eat."

A kiss: noun, the act of caressing with the lips, or an instance thereof. To kiss: verb, touch with the lips against someones' mouth or body as an expression of love. Kissing: adjective, the only word to describe what Harry and Nikki had been doing for the past thirty minutes. At the kitchen table, by the fridge, on the sofa. Holding each other, laying together, wrapped around one another. Nothing remembered, nothing forgotten; Nikki and Harry explored one another physically and emotionally, Harry chased her insecurities away and Nikki consolidated his faith in himself.

As the shadow of the daylight crept across the walls of the lounge the couple whispered honest declarations of always, forever and eternities. Enchanted yet undeceived they fell in love once more and sealed their promises with caresses and kisses. Fully clothed, they lay on the sofa entwined and breathless, Nikki was the first to break the silence.

"Harry you know... you're a much better kisser than I ever imagined you to be, and I always imagined you to be pretty amazing." Her head on his shoulder, she fiddled with a button on his shirt.

"Ah ha! I knew it! I knew that when you were yielding your scalpel in the cutting room you also were imagining snogging me." He poked her in the ribs gently.

"OH and I suppose, you were simply _ensuring _that I was getting on with my PM reports as you spied on me over you computer monitor across the desk." She sat up to face him.

"Actually I was making sure that you didn't steal my desk from under me." He broke his embrace and folded his arms,

"You're fond of that desk aren't you?" Nikki grinned,

"Very." He adopted a stern expression for effect,

"And... you're fond of me?" She moved her lips close, barely touching,

"A bit." Now Harry grinned,

"Well, like I said Harry if you truly love me you'd let me have that desk." She ached for him to kiss her again.

"Hmm... then I shall wrap it in a huge red bow and give it to you as an engagement present." Shocked at his own admission he sat up, and flustered through his explanations.

Nikki blushed and stumbled over her words too; she loved him there was no doubt about that but engagement? Marriage? Those things never seemed to work, she had witnessed first hand how they distort, suffocate and eventually breakdown the love and communication that was once the foundation of a relationship. Her mind reached out for her mother, and... she thought of her father. Besides, she and Harry hadn't even slept with each other yet; he may want to reconsider their entire relationship, she might not be enough. Finally, she managed to speak, cautiously verbalising her fears,

"Harry, please... it's too soon, too fast, I can't, I mean we haven't even had sex, I might not even-" A tear streaked her cheek,

"Hey, hey, hey... shhh, s'okay Nik. I didn't mean anything by it. Or rather it was just a silly joke. I'm not trying to rush you, not a all, it just fell out of my stupid gob! Leo's right I need to think before I speak. We're taking it slow and steady and it's amazing. I'm sorry Nik."

He wrapped his arms around her as he sat beside her on the sofa; he felt her relief as she lent into him. He was glad that he'd calmed her but the word engagement was imprinted on his lovestruck brain. He loved her, he wanted her, there was no doubt in his mind that sex together would be sweetly incredible; he had to have her to himself, forever. He would marry Nikki, someday.

**? XX**


	42. Chapter 42

**Thanks for the lovely reviews... makes me want to write another SW fic hehe**

**Chapter 42**

It was dark in the bedroom. The grey sunlight tried to shine through the curtains but they were closed and the material was too thick. The apartment seemed dead and nothing stirred. Nikki's slender arms slowly moved to her head. Pain seared through her head, when she tried to lift it she felt like it had lead bricks inside. Slowly opening her eyes the familiar room came into focus, Harry's lampshade, Harry's curtains. She tried to sit upright but her head wouldn't let her. What did she remember? Having dinner with Harry, wine, kissing, kissing… then? That word, engagement… then more wine.

As much as her head protested Nikki made herself sit up; her mouth was dry and she needed water. She felt disgusting, grimy, and then she realised... her pyjamas… she didn't have any on? Confused she searched around the dimly lit room and scanned for some clue as to why she was half naked. She tried to hold back a cry; her mind raced, her head pounded and her eyes were filling. Tears began to streak her face. Nikki let out a sound of anguish. It couldn't be? She needed Harry; terrified, alone and confused she screamed out for him.

Harry stepped from the shower cubical and vigorously dried off his body with a large white towel. The dull ache in his head had subsided under the cold water but the hunger pangs in his belly gurgled and ached; he had only sipped through four glasses of wine, but red was a killer. It only then occurred to him, as he pulled on his boxers, that it had been nearly four weeks since he had drunk as much alcohol; he felt old, no longer could he sustain drinking into the early hours without a hangover to nurse. He pulled his T-shirt over his wet hair; his heart stopped at the sound of Nikki screaming his name.

He dashed through to the bedroom to find Nikki crying; she outstretched her arms to him as soon as she saw him. Within seconds he was on the bed; his stomach in knots, Nikki in his arms, her frantic breathing prevented her sentences flowing,

"My pyjamas- where? My head hurts- can't think, who-who? I can't remember, I can't remember. You, you weren't here. I was alone, like before, I thought it was before. Where were you?" She looked at him, pleading him to explain.

"I took I shower, Nik. You were sound asleep. We had lots of red wine; we had _too_ much red wine. That's all. I'm hungover too, it's okay, you just lost your bearings when you woke up." He wiped her tears.

"But my pyjamas. I'm practically naked. And. And I don't remember. Harry?" She closed her eyes and tried to recall her last memory.

"Nikki look at me. Open your eyes and look at me. I made a stupid joke, we glossed over it with wine. We stumbled into bed; you made a comment about nakedness and body heat; somehow with lots of silliness and falling we striped and snuggled. We fell asleep. You were snoring within seconds of your head hitting the pillow. That's it. Remember? Nothing else. You're okay. No-one has been here. Just us and the wine my love." Harry's anxiety prayed she would recall their last drunken moments.

Then, Nikki wiped her eyes and her breathing became steady; Harry saw her struggle to differentiate her memories, separating the tirade of emotions that took hold uninvited. He held his breath and willed her fear to evaporate. When she finally spoke Harry's tension released with an long drawn out sigh.

"You stubbed your toe on the foot of the bed. I couldn't breathe for laughing." She swallowed the lump in her throat,

"Oh, so you remember _that _first do you. Thanks Nik," He kissed her hands,

"Well, obviously." She smiled through her pain, "You were hoping around like a drunk frog suffering from turrets." Nikki giggled as she moved on to his lap. "And then... ...then we took our clothes off... and... and got in bed." It was a revelation.

"Yes we did." Harry smiled into her hair at the thought of it.

"And then... Harry! ... You, you took off my bra!" Nikki's grin lit up the room. She was proud and embarrassed of herself all at once. She threw her arms around him and squeezed tightly. Her heart brimmed and her cheeks blushed. "And I was okay... I was? Wasn't I? I mean, I didn't get upset?" She sat back to check Harry's expression for confirmation,

"No Nik, quite the opposite." They both smiled and absorbed the significance of the small act of passion that had passed between them.

They sat holding on to one another until Leo's knowing glare ruined Harry's idle musings of the night before.

"We need to get up Nik; we're going to be late, and Leo will no doubt blame me for keeping you in bed." He began to move from he bed until Nikki stopped him, placing her hand on his arm,

"Harry, I don't want to have to go to work; I want to spend all my time with you, like now, like last night." Nikki loved work, but she had spent most of her adult life focusing solely on that; now she had Harry she felt a shift in her focus.

"Nik, don't look at me with those big brown eyes like that. We're going to work; that is, unless you want Leo to have my guts for garters? Now up."

Whilst Nikki got herself ready Harry made several phone calls. Firstly to Leo explaining that they would be late, and to tell him that he and Nikki would need to take the following Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off work; he was taking her to Whitby, but it was a surprise. The next set of calls he made were to confirm bookings for the bed and breakfast, restaurants and to sort his other little surprises that he had planned to spoil Nikki with.

Nikki scrubbed her teeth as hard as she could, she hated the feel and taste of stale alcohol, even more so since it had been forced down her throat that fateful night; she shook her head to try and dismiss the crippling memory. She rinsed her mouth with the soothing cold water then dried her mouth on the towel. In the quite of the bathroom, as the water had stopped rushing, Nikki heard Harry on the phone. She strained her ears and heard his distinctive voice making plans but she noticed his tone was hushed. Suspicious she wandered back into the bedroom, Harry dropped his phone as it it were contagious.

"Harry? What are you doing? Who was you talking to?" Nikki spied him as he shoved his mobile into his trouser pocket.

"Nothing. I mean no one." He avoided her prying eyes and laced up his shoes.

"Well, then who was you whispering to down the phone?" She folded her arms and waited for his explanation.

"I called Leo to say we are running late; I was not whispering. Right I'm ready, I'll go pack us some lunch. You have 3 mins Nik. Ham?"

Nikki nodded as she buttoned her shirt. She knew he wasn't being truthful with her and her anxiety grew from a curious seed of doubt.

**How was it? Only a few Chapters left...**


	43. Chapter 43

**and more ... hope it's okay. I tried to explore Leo's thoughts a little more at the start of this... I hope it was okay?**

**Chapter 43**

It had been a long and difficult week for Leo at the Lylle Center; with the cold weather there had been an increase in the number of geriatrics suffering from pneumonia. The work load was higher than normal due to the cold spell; Harry and Nikki had been late for work every day for the last five days and Leo himself was exhausted from the events of the past six weeks.

It was Monday morning, Leo was sat at his desk sipping coffee; he'd been in work an hour earlier than he had to as he knew that in two days time he would be without his two best pathologists for a while. To ensure that Leo and the rest of the team didn't feel the strain over the coming week, he wanted to get as much work done as he could before they left. Leo didn't mind, in fact he was more than happy to oblige if it meant that Nikki would get some time away to heal and recharge with the man _she'd_ chosen as her lover.

Harry had told Leo that he was taking Nikki to the coast, Whitby, to clear her head; a much needed break from the daily routines of her mind. Leo was impressed with Harry's attentiveness to Nikki, that said, Leo was finding it increasingly more difficult to keep Harry's surprise a secret from Nikki. Harry had been useless at being discreet; Nikki had heard him organising on the phone, having restaurants call him at work with recommendations and constantly cornering Leo whispering his plans within ear shot of Nikki. Leo watched Harry plan an adorable week away while Nikki watched unsure of his actions; Leo had explained several times to Harry that he needed to tell her what he was up to because he had noticed that Nikki had become ever more anxious about Harry's actions and whereabouts; his sweet preparations were unwittingly fuelling her insecurities.

Leo heard the screen doors to the office open and with it giggles and laughing; he checked the clock: 9.35, only an hour and five minutes late, 'an improvement' Leo muttered. He watched as Nikki made her way to her desk but his view was suddenly blocked by Harry entering his office. Harry checked Nikki was at her computer before he spoke,

"Right, Leo are you all set for Wednesday? Have you organised cover yet? Remember Leo, we won't be back until Monday." Harry turned to check that Nikki had indeed sat at her desk.

"Yes Harry. It's sorted, and how could I forget! You _still _haven't told Nik have you?" Leo was outwardly exasperated,

"What? No! Of course not! Why? Have you? Leo if you've told her-" Harry's heart sank at the thought of his surprise no longer being surprising at all.

"Look, calm down Harry. I haven't told her. I just... I just think you should tell her; she very anxious Harry. It's not fair to keep her in suspense, she knows you're up to something. Yesterday at lunch, she asked if any ex-girlfriends had been into or called work. She thinks you may be in contact with an ex-" He didn't get to finish,

"An ex? What ex? Why on earth would she think that? Why hasn't she said anything to me?" Harry was completely stumped, he was certain he had been the ultimate spook.

"Yes Harry, you haven't exactly been Mr Tactful. Besides, she hasn't wanted to say anything to you because she's worried you will think she's over reacting, or being over sensitive and also she thinks that if an ex is the case, you wouldn't tell her because you think she's too fragile at the moment-" Leo's voice had become slightly raised and realising this he lowered it back to a whisper.

"An ex? What ex? Why does she-" Harry hadn't heard what Leo was trying to tell him.

"Harry! That's not important, what's important is that you make Nikki feel secure, especially now, more than ever. Are you listening to me? I don't care how much she loves you, I won't have you upsetting her; right now you're in a better place than her emotionally, you need to act responsibly, Harry?"

Harry's response never made it through his thought processes; Nikki swung the door open abruptly and stepped into Leo's office. She stood next to Harry, her arms folded and eyes accusing.

"What's going on? Why all the raised voices and whispers?" She smiled although she wanted to shout and tell them to let her 'in' on their little secret.

"Nothing." Both men replied in unison confirming her suspicions.

"Oh come on you two... you have been practising your cloak and dagger routine for days; what is it? Why won't you tell me?." Nikki's laugh did nothing to hide her irritation.

"Nik, you're being paranoid-" Harry looped his arm around her waste and smiled sweetly,

"Harry you haven't heard a word have you? Nikki, Harry has-" Leo attempted,

"- Has not been completing my PM paper work and Leo's has been on my case; I didn't want to tell you because I knew you would side with him. I've just been too busy... being your fantastic boyfriend." Harry lent in and kissed her forehead and scowled at Leo.

"Harry, please don't lie to me; if it's to do with Hughes or or..." Tears fell, she wasn't an idiot, she knew they were both hiding something; it must have been something terrible. She had held back her worries for days hoping that it was nothing, and that it was all in her head but the look on both of their faces confirmed their deceit.

"Nikki... Harry's... right I have been on at him about work; his reports have been dire... and ... well you have _both_ been late every day this week; I know you are both dealing with a lot of change an emotional upheaval but I need you _both_ in work on time. _That's_ all the we were discussing Nik; I didn't want to upset you or add any extra pressure-" Leo lied, however it was only a half lie. He couldn't stand and watch Nikki get upset, yet he knew how happy Harry's plans would make her feel and he didn't want to take that from either of them; they deserved some light in their life.

"Okay. Right. I am awfully sorry about that Leo. You're right we have been slack. It won't happen any more. But... but it isn't really Harry's fault Leo; I haven't been sleeping and so it's been difficult in the mornings, and showering and-" She wiped her tears with the sleeve of her shirt.

Leo stepped over to her and held her close. The rest of Nikki's tears fell but holding Leo made her feel safe and loved; in this moment she was no longer his colleague, she was a young woman in desperate need of a hug from a father. It worked, Leo's embrace extinguished the rising panic that was about to take hold. Leo felt her relax and as he did, he glared at Harry and mouthed the words 'Tell her.'

**? XX ?**


	44. Chapter 44

**Thankyou ever so much for my reviews XXX**

**Chapter 44**

Harry was extremely excited; he couldn't even recall the last time that he had felt this way. Keeping his surprise from Nikki had gradually become more difficult, not because of her suspicions or inquiries but because of his own childlike quality that made it difficult to contain any information in his head without the need to want to blurt it out indiscriminately. More than anything right now, as he sat with her on the sofa, he wanted to squeeze her tight and declare: _Tomorrow, tomorrow, we're off to Whitby tomorrow_. Instead he pulled her close, held her tight and kissed her passionately; he smiled through his kissing, imagining Nikki's response to his sweet gift: a few days by the sea.

Nikki loved the texture and taste of Harry on her lips; she felt amazing when he surprised her with his delicious kisses. She tugged him closer, extended her neck and offered it to him, the sensation of his tongue on her sensitive skin made her melt. She wrapped herself around him and guided his hands to her waist. After several deliberately unhurried minutes Harry desperately craved for Nikki's bare skin to lie against his. Instinctively he pulled at her jeans, his fingers delicately undoing the buttons; lost in his touch it took Nikki a few moments to realise the implications of Harry's actions. The butterflies in her stomach made her heart lurch. She wasn't afraid of him; nonetheless she was afraid of herself.

"Harry. No." She managed through her breathlessness.

"Sorry." He too needed to catch his breath. He sat up and helped her to straighten her clothing.

"Please. Don't be. It's me, I'm not ready... I don't know when I will be. I'm afraid, afraid that I won't be any good... or that I will- I will-" Nikki couldn't find the words to explain her deepest fears.

"Nik, it's not a problem. Stop trying to explain, you don't need to. We're absolutely fine my love, so stop worrying." He rubbed her back to sooth away her self-doubt.

"Harry, I know that you love me; I'm terrified though." It was difficult to describe the apprehension she felt.

"Of what Nik? Of me?" A lump found its way into Harry's throat.

"No. No, not you, never you Harry. Me... I'm terrified that I won't be able to... to satisfy you?" She blushed crimson but she was glad she had spoken the words.

"What? Nik? Why on earth would you be worried about _that_?" Harry was dumfounded, the very idea was more than unfathomable to him.

"Because... because I love you. And I want to please you, and I want it to be right and I want to get it right; I have never felt like this about any bloke and I'm nervous. Also I'm afraid that I won't be able to because of what they have done to me... I mean, I don't want them to ruin our ... our first time, or anytime for that matter, with their brutality." She was tearful but she hadn't realised it; her tears were for want and desire and the invisible boundary that prevented the reality of those emotions.

"Nikki, Nikki, my love, you think _too_ much. It will happen when it happens, and when it does it will be beautiful, and wonderful, and special." Harry placed his arms around her shoulder and she lay against him. He kissed and mumbled into her hair smiling, "And _very _satisfying."

Hours later in the dark night of the bedroom Nikki couldn't sleep; her mind was haunted by Harry's scheming and whispering, his sudden attachment to his mobile phone and his inability to lie convincingly played over in her mind. And then from no-where she thought of the blonde from the dinner and then, of Rebecca, and suddenly her mind was filled with images of women she had seen Harry with at the pub or at work, or even the policewomen he'd offered his cheeky smile to. Nikki huffed loudly, and folded her arms; Harry slept on.

As the seconds crawled Nikki's mind went into overdrive. Harry with Rebecca, Harry with Penny, had he loved them too? How long had it taken for them to consummate their relationship? Was she to be compared to them? Nikki's heart sank; she had never had that kind of sex appeal, and right now she felt anything but sexy. How was she ever going to live up to what previous women had offered him? The air in the bedroom was cold and chilled her, and she didn't know which irritated her more, Harry's oblivious snoring or his taste for promiscuous women. She found his warm legs and planted her freezing feet onto them.

The ice cold sensation on Harry's cosy body heat woke him instantly. He was a little confused at first until his eyes adjusted to the dark and he felt Nikki besides him in their bed. He asked if she was okay but he never got a response and so he presumed she was sleeping soundly; he hoped it would last. As he shifted and turned under the sheets he caught sight of Nikki. She was wide awake; arms folded glaring at the ceiling.

"Nikki? Are you-" She interrupted before he could finish,

"Just how many women have you slept with exactly?" Her tone was plain but accusing,

"What?" Harry sat upright in bed; he was stunned by this line of questioning, particularly at this hour.

"Well? How many?" Nikki sat up too and reached for the bedside lamp.

"Nikki, it's the middle of the night." Harry struggled with the sudden onslaught of bright light.

"It doesn't matter what time it is. I need to know; I can't sleep." She gazed down at her folded arms,

"You can't sleep... because you want to know how many women I have had sex with?" He hadn't intended to sound so annoyed but he was tired and half asleep.

"Yes, well no. I want to know-" Finally she looked at him.

"Why? What does it matter Nik?" Harry held her hand.

"Because... if... I know then... hmm, I don't really know? I just want to be... special." She squeezed his had tightly as though that one small act would translate her insecurities.

"Nik! You are special, you're more than special you're the one woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. What we have is incomparable, and when we venture into that side of our relationship that will be too. I am not telling you how many women I have slept with; it's an unnecessary question. Now sleep. Nik, come here, snuggle with me and get some sleep."

The knots in her stomach had been undone and she grinned as she turned out the light. She snuggled down with the man that wanted to be with her forever and... slowly, calmly in the safety of his arms she drifted off. And then, the sound of her light snoozes were interrupted,

"Nik? How many men have you slept with?" There was a hint of panic in his tone.

"Harry" She mumbled, "I think_ that_ is what is considered to be an unnecessary question. Sleep."

_Hands grabbing, fists pounding, words cutting;_ Nikki couldn't wake up. _Searing pain, suffocating, choking on bitter alcohol, she's unable to stop them, she screams out for Harry,_ she screams out for Harry. Nikki's piercing shrill woke Harry instantly, he pulled her fighting form close to him, pleading with her to wake from her nightmare and whispered words of love and comfort when she finally opened her eyes. He skin was damp, her hair stuck to her forehead; as soon as her vision became that of Harry and protected surroundings, her heart beat slowed and the pains from her body disappeared. Her mouth was dry; she was desperate for a drink of water.

"Harry..." She began but shame and fear prohibited her, and instead she held him tight.

"You're okay my love, it was another nightmare, and you're with me. Nikki? Do you need anything?" He kissed and petted her hair.

"I need a drink of water." Harry began to move, but Nikki stopped him, "Harry, I'll go, I need the bathroom anyway. I'm going to read a little too. You stay here and sleep, no point in both of us being exhausted." As she climbed from the bed she pressed a lingering kiss onto his lips.

"Are you sure?" He was still engrossed with the feel of her on his lips,

"Yes." She yawned, and padded towards the kitchen. She felt low, her spirit was shaken but with Harry close by she knew that the misery she felt in this instant would pass, eventually. She poured herself a glass of water and gulped it down, in hopes to wash away _their _vicious taste.

Nikki welcomed the early morning light. As she sat on the sofa reading one of Harry's lads' magazines the artificial light from the table lamp was gradually replaced with the light of dawn. She checked the clock on the DVD player, 04:03; she stretched and yawned, wondering what a new day at work would bring. As Nikki sat contemplating, her musings were broken by the vibration from Harry's mobile phone; it shook on the coffee table in front of her. She decided that it would be Leo texting Harry to remind him to get up on time and not be late for work; she reconsidered this when she remembered the hour. She sleepily reached across and grabbed the phone. 1 New Text Message: she pressed select, it was from a number unknown but as Nikki read the short text tears stung her eyes and she was already heading towards the bedroom to confront Harry.

HARRY, COTTAGE IS READY. SEE YOU TONIGHT. LOOK FORWARD TO IT, CHAMPAGNE AND RED ROSES? REBECCA

"Harry! What the hell is this?" She shouted as she launched his mobile at him, "You- you said I was- was _special_ and all this time _this_ is what you have been doing! Seeing that- that tart! All the whispering and secrets, it was this? Is this why you can _wait_ for me? You're getting satisfaction elsewhere! Harry! Answer me."

Baffled and bewildered Harry read the text on his mobile. He was utterly confused; he looked at Nikki's face for some clue as to what she was so angry about.

"Don't look at me like that Harry! Answer the question; well? What have you been doing here with me? I don't need your bloody sympathy, is this what this has been; the whole time you've just felt- felt sorry for me... 'Poor Niks she'll never get a boyfriend now she's damaged goods; I know what, I'll be a good mate help her felt a bit better about herself-'"

Resentment filled Harry's heart; he hated the way those vile men have distorted her perception. He got up and pulled on his jeans; he bit back is temper. He would not allow them to make her hysterical over this.

"Nikki, get dressed." He pointed to her clothes she'd flung on the back of the chair.

"What? Get dressed? What sort of bloody response is that? Tell me Harry; I'm repulsive, you don't want me, you want- you want _Rebecca_." She was sobbing now as she picked up his mobile to re-convince herself.

"Nikki!" His shout was firm, "don't you dare cry, don't you _dare_ cry over this! Now get dressed." Harry realised that his tone and petulant manner had startled her and he was sorry, but he had to get her to listen. He stood in front of her and placed his hands purposefully on each of her shoulders. He softened his tone, "Nikki, if you trust me, if you _love_ me... get dressed."

Within five minutes Harry has managed to temporarily calm an outraged Nikki and get her into his car. Within the hour they were on the M1 heading north; Nikki hadn't spoken or even managed to look at Harry, she simply occasionally wiped away the odd tear. She did trust him, and she did love him, more than anything or anyone; she knew somewhere deep within her, the knots in her stomach and the jealousy in her mind were the result of two vicious men and her own relationship insecurities, she also knew that by Harry driving them somewhere, he would alleviate her fears. She reached for Harry's hand,

"Where are we going? What about work?" Her eyes were sore and her manner was weary.

"You'll see. Leo knows. Nik you're exhausted, I want you to rest. Don't worry, just close your eyes and think about how _very much_ I love you." He brought her hand to his lips and softly kissed it until he knew that her eye lids had fluttered shut.

The steady humming and motion of the car and the warm air blowing from the fans eased Nikki into a deep sleep; so deep she thought of nothing and no one. In fact, when she finally woke, it took her ten minutes to adjust her mind to the situation and speak. She was particularly groggy. She gazed from the window beside her; the clouds were grey and heavy but it wasn't raining yet. The wind was strong as the trees were blown fiercely; where ever they were it was by the sea, Nikki could see a lighthouse which stood guard in the distance on the land that seemed to stretch out to one side like a small peninsula. Her eyes wandered to the clock, they had been driving for over three hours. It felt good, leaving the city and her excessive angst behind in such a whirlwind of accurate judgment.

"Harry I'm hungry." She closed her eyes the motion still willing her to sleep.

"It's okay Nikki; we'll be there in a minute." He smiled and squeezed her knee.

"And where is _there_, Harry? We been driving for ages? What are we-" The final word of her sentence was indecipherable due to the yawning that had taken hold of her.

Harry made a sharp left into a long narrow lane. On either side there were stone cobbled walls which looked as though they were built in the middle ages. As Nikki refocused her stare out of the windshield, curiosity, at long last, chased her drowsiness away; directly ahead stood a small thatched cottage. As they pulled up into the gravel driveway Nikki noticed the pretty box plants and stained glass windows before she saw the red saloon that was parked up waiting. Harry stopped the car and grinning motioned for Nikki to get out of the car.

As she stepped out of the warm heat the wind blew a fierce chill through her entire body; her hair was irritatingly blown about her eyes. She felt Harry's secure hold on her as he guided her towards the red car. A rather short woman, with greying hair climbed from the car. She wore glasses, and a heavy parker with green Wellington boots. She shook Harry's hand.

"Nice to finally make your acquaintance, Harry." She smiled politely at Nikki

"Hi, likewise. This is my girlfriend Nikki. Nikki, this is _Rebecca_, she owns the cottage and rents it out for short breaks." He pulled Nikki closer still and kissed her on the side of her head.

"Right. Here are the keys and I will be back in five days. There are numbers and instructions on the fridge. I managed to sort out your requests but if there is anything you need there is a village shop 3 miles west of here. Again, directions are on the fridge. You have my mobile number. Okay? Right then, enjoy your stay." They each shook hands and the old lady clambered back into her car and reversed to drive away.

"Harry, I am so so sorry for-" She couldn't finish, her emotions overwhelmed her, her throat tightened and her eyes streamed; he heart smiled and cried as she realised the reasons for Harry's peculiar behaviour. She was furious at herself, and besotted with the tall dark man holding her. She loved him, she wanted him and above all he was the only man she wanted to ever be with. Nikki clung to him as she sobbed these declarations through her tears. Harry held her, kissed her hair and needed to calm his love; he took her hand and guided her towards the door of the cottage,

"Nik come on, let's see if _Old_ Rebecca has filled the fridge with goodies."

**Hope you liked it ?**


	45. Chapter 45

**THANKS for my reviews guys xxx**

**Chapter 45**

Harry mopped up the remainder of his continental style breakfast and proceeded to steal a slice of toast from Nikki's plate. Even though he'd finished his food he was still hungry; the drive had taken its toll on his empty stomach. Sat at the quaint oak kitchen table, Harry stretched and yawned and eyed up Nikki's untouched breakfast. The chair opposite him was empty,

"Nikki! You can look around _after _you have eaten. Sit down and eat your breakfast, or else I will eat it for you my love." He was seriously considering his threat when Nikki's footsteps on the stone floor told him she was joining him.

Nikki's smile was sunny; she scraped the chair across the floor so that she could sit close alongside Harry. She pulled off her boots before she sat down on the chair crossed legged, and then finally, she picked at the ham with her fingers.

"Harry this place is just incredible; I love the wooden beams. How can you sit and stuff your face before you have even explored the cottage. It's so beautiful." She nibbled on the ham.

"Well Nik, the most beautiful thing here is you. So, I'm not too worried about the cottage, I have you to ogle." He stole a tomato from her, "Seriously Nik, eat your food." He kissed her hair before reaching over taking Rebecca's instructions from the fridge.

"I am, or rather I would if you stopped pinching it from me." She chewed the ham and looked carefully at each food item on her plate; she realised that this was the first time since she had been attacked that she actually tasted the food in her mouth; her tummy grumbled and so she swallowed eagerly and began to devour the breakfast Harry had prepared for her.

"So Nik, what do you feel like doing today? Here, take a look at this list Rebecca put together of local sights to visit." He passed her the note and waited for her eyes to read through the list before thieving another tomato from her plate.

"Harry!" She thrust the note back to him,

"What?" He managed through his mouthful,

"I'm not blind! I saw that; leave _my_ food alone, it's _mine_ and I'm hungry." She munched on some cheese.

Harry draped his arm around her shoulders and moved his lips close to her neck so that he could whisper into her ear, "I'm hungry too," he mumbled, then slowly and carefully he kissed her neck. All coherent thought left Nikki as her skin tingled under Harry's touch; she rolled her head sideways to give him better access to her when she saw his hand heading for the last tomato on her plate.

"Oh dear Harry, you must think I was born yesterday-" She chided him before swatting his hand.

"Ouch! Nikki that was sore; I was only helping you, besides you hadn't eaten any tomatoes... I don't think you like them." He craftily took the remaining tomato and ate it, laughing at Nikki's mock astonished reaction.

"Harry, I would love to take a walk down to the beach; I think my head could use some fresh air." She ripped her last slice of toast in two and handed one half to Harry.

"Okay well finish your breakfast, show me around this place and then we'll take a walk; how does that sound?" He munched his toast as he eyed her last piece of cheese.

"Fantastic. This place is just stunning; it even has a coal fire." She bit into her cheese and fed the rest to Harry.

"Oh no... Does that mean manual labour? This was supposed to be a rest." He smiled, he already knew about the coal fire; he had thought it was a particularly romantic touch.

"And the views, every window you look out from there is such a fabulous view: rolling hills, streams and... oh Harry the beach, from the bedroom there is such a beautiful view of the beach. You can see the cliffs and the rocks, and the sea where it meets the pebble shore is... Just, just come and look. I can't describe it. Come on Harry." He was already stood as she pulled him by the hand up the small wooden stair case.

The floor boards were old and uneven and Harry had to duck slightly to walk through the bedroom door. Nikki held him as they stood by the small lead and glass window; she pointed out towards the beach. She had been spot on, the beach was beautiful; even with the grey overcast sky the sea was magnificent and the sublime cut and drop of the cliffs to the far left added to the splendour of the scene. However Harry only watched the movement of the waves for a few seconds before turning to observe his lover's response; he was happy, he was delighted to see the worry lines replaced by the evermore radiant smile; the beaming Nikki Alexander he fell in love with six years ago.

"Harry!" Nikki eyes filled as she absorbed the setting that was to be their bedroom for the next five days. The wooden floors were covered in plush rugs of deep reds and royal blues; the mahogany bed was huge, it practically filled the room leaving just enough space for bedside dressers; on one of them stood a huge vase holding a mass of red roses and a silver bucket of which a large green bottle protruded. Dumbfounded, Nikki stood with her hand covering her mouth; unsure she looked to Harry for confirmation.

"Go on Nik, they're for you. That's what the text was about. I had asked Rebecca to sort them." He guided her towards the flowers and champagne with his hand placed on the small of her back. The scent of the roses made her heady and her legs wavered from under her; there were too many flowers to count and with a shaking hand she pulled the card from the vase and read the inscription:

_Nik, my love,_

_Your tears make my tears_

_Your smile makes me smile_

_Your happiness is my happiness_

_Your love is my life_

_Harry X_

_(P.S. My desk is your desk... I would have had it couriered here but Leo drew the line at that... I hope this is enough)_

Nikki flung her arms around Harry and cried tears of joyful disbelief into his chest. She was unable to verbalise the emotions that surged throughout her body and mind.

"Nik, if I'd have known you'd have been this upset about the desk I would have ignored Leo." He held her and stroked her hair.

"Oh Harry, shut up, this is more than enough it's incredible. I'm speechless. No one has ever done anything like this for me." She was glowing.

"Well that's good to know, what with the, _none response_ to the _unnecessary_ question, I was slightly worried that perhaps you have had a long string of men whisking you off to the Northern Coast. And, besides I have never done this for anyone before, or wanted to at that." He lifted the champagne from the bucket, "Shall we-"

Harry was unable to finish his sentence. Nikki had rendered him wordless with the most fervent kiss; she pressed her body against his so that he had no choice but to sit on the bed. She playfully pushed him against the mattress and sat across his waist. Her hands searched under his various layers of clothing to find his bare skin; she kissed his neck,

"Shall we _what_?" She smiled and checked his response before carrying on with her task of delivering sweet kisses to his jaw line.

"Champagne- a drink-" His pulse raced and he couldn't think straight; it took all his mental power to keep his hands from removing Nikki from her clothes.

She felt his arousal as she kissed him deeply; she wasn't afraid in fact she felt desired but as she considered her next move she had a devastating awareness that she was not feeling particularly sexy. She'd been sat in a car for over three hours and her belly was full of breakfast; she needed a shower and a change of clothes. She wanted to feel immaculate before initiating, the ever so important, next stage of their relationship.

"Harry, I'm too full of food to drink." She kissed his lips finally and sat up. "And I think we should drink it tonight; I'll feel more like woman when I have showered and I want to look nice for you." She blushed slightly at her confession.

"Harry!" And then, a hard mischievous slap found its self pasted across Harry's chest.

"Ouch! What? That's twice in one hour you have slapped me!" He pulled her to him and easily rolled them over so that Nikki was now the one that had her back to the mattress.

"We didn't bring anything. Nothing. We have no change of clothes. We're here, in the middle of no-where... and I have no change of clothes."

"So? We can wear what we're in now. It's no big deal Nik."

"Urgh- You are such a boy. Girls like clean clothes, not to mention... options. Harry? What am I going to wear for the next five days?"

"Well... me." He carefully unbuttoned her blouse and placed three resolute kisses on her chest.

Nikki approved of Harry's exploration of her skin with his lips; she couldn't believe how divine it felt. She combed her fingers through his dark hair and guided his lips to hers. They kissed quickly and lightly, then slowly and deeply. Nikki needed to see him; she moved from under him and examined his face. She loved his unshaven face. She loved him, she needed him more than that, she wanted him; she wanted him like she had never wanted no man. In that moment all other confusions and insecurities evaporated and all that was left was uninhibited desire.

"What is it Niks?" Harry's concern for Nikki's sudden stillness was evident in his voice.

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong. Except I, Harry... I have no pyjamas. What will I wear to bed?" As she spoke she realised that her covering line was really an issue for her.

"As I said. Me." Harry's deep throaty laugh filled the room.

**What do you think? xx**


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46**

They had been walking for over two hours along the rocky coastline before they finally stopped and sat on the pebble shore by the sea. The wind was cold and blustery but it was welcomed by both Harry and Nikki; it was somehow refreshing to feel the cold push against them. The wind blew away fear and the chill in the air froze all misconceptions and insecurities. They had chatted and giggled constantly as they walked, however now, as they sat on the stone beach, they sat together in silence watching the ominous rolling waves collapse and dissolve into small frothy bubbles by the time they gently lapped at the shore.

They sat snuggled close; Nikki under Harry's arm, Harry hugged by Nikki. It had been nearly half an hour before Nikki spoke. She hadn't wanted conversation; she simply wanted Harry to be with her while she sorted through her emotions. In that time, as the grey clouds began to spit, she had decided that she was not to blame for what they had done to her; she had decided that there was nothing she could have done to stop them; above all, she concluded that she didn't hate her body, although it was scarred and not as it was, she would not give them the satisfaction of loathing what she would ultimately use to consummate her love with Harry.

"Harry, I'm ready." Her expression was determined and she squeezed Harry tight.

"Ready? Ready for what, my love?" Harry was utterly confused by this sudden declaration.

Nikki smiled brilliantly and began to stand. She pulled Harry along with her. "Ready... to... go back."

The rain hammered down so hard that the windowpanes echoed their assault throughout the empty rooms. And then, the stillness of the old cottage was disrupted by bouts of laughter, chatter and clattering. Nikki and Harry bustled through the front door soaked through; their jeans were almost black and their hair sodden. The heavens had opened, unforgiving for the couple who had been out without raincoats and wellington boots. Their clothes were sponges that had been dipped in muddy puddles. Nikki's hands were beginning to wrinkle and they were both blue with cold. Harry shut the door and to Nikki's surprise began to strip.

"Harry?" She stood amazed,

"What? It's bloody freezing. I want to get out of these wet clothes a-sap. And I don't want to traipse water all through the cottage." He quickly looked at her reaction before pulling off his sopping jumper.

"Oh right. Good point. Well when you're... done... will you go and fetch me a towel, so I can wrap myself in that." She kicked off her muddy shoes and Harry nodded as he struggled with his jeans. Removing wet denim from wet skin was a difficult task.

Minutes later Harry returned with a large bath towel. He handed it over and explained that he was going to light the fire for them. Nikki towelled her hair and pulled off all of her clothes apart from her bra and jeans. She threw the towel to one side as she knew that pulling her skinny jeans from her legs was going to be a mission indeed. She unbuttoned them and with much effort managed to get the waistband down below her hips; losing balance she toppled over. She tried pulling her jeans from the bottom at the ankles but they barely budged. Harry's laughing broke her concentration.

"Nikki, what the hell are you doing?" He couldn't contain his amusement.

"Harry... don't laugh at me... help me." She still struggled.

"Come here." Harry pulled her up and steered her to the sofa by the fire. "Sit." Nikki did as she was told and wondered what special trick he was going to use that she hadn't. "Right Nik, hold on to the sofa." Again she did as instructed; he grabbed on the waistband of her jeans and pulled. The sofa moved forwards and her jeans begrudgingly came off as they were pulled inside-out from her legs; Harry staggered back falling, banging his head on the coffee table as he landed. Nikki's laugh echoed throughout the room and drowned out the spat and crackle of the newly lit fire.

Nikki suddenly felt bad as she watched Harry rubbing his head; she sat down on the floor beside him and rubbed his head too.

"Oh sorry my poor love; is it really sore?" She kissed his hair in hopes to alleviate the pain.

"It's not bad... actually... I mean... it's really, really sore Nik. I think you need to kiss me better again."

Nikki took his request seriously; she lay across him and kissed him until they both had to move because their skin was feeling the burn of the munificent fire.

"Harry?" Nikki lay in his arms, she was warm but her toes and nose were frozen.

"Yes?" He too could feel the cold creep over his toes.

"What about our clothes; they're muddy and sodden. And I have no clean underwear for the next few days." She wasn't anxious but she was desperate for a change of clothes.

"Well..." Harry considered his words carefully, "we don't _have_ to go out of the house... and... you could always take your underwear off." He playfully plucked at the waistband of her knickers.

"Maybe. But I think I'd get cold. I want clothes." She giggled before kissing him lightly on the lips.

"Well, what the lady wants the lady shall get. I tell you what, I'll go and run you a nice hot bath and you can throw our clothes and underwear in the washing machine. I'm sure that was detergent I saw under the sink this morning. How does that sound?" Harry smiled pleased with himself.

"Hand me the towel. I need to take off my underwear."

Towel clad, Nikki made her way towards the bathroom; she followed the steam and the sound of running water. As she gently pushed the door open she saw Harry, also in a towel, pouring a glass of champagne. The bath tub wasn't full but she could see that he had added bubbles for her. She saw the second glass was still empty.

"Harry, are you drinking alone?" She wandered over and perched herself on the side of the bath.

"This... is yours, for your soak in the bath. I'll take mine downstairs and sip it while I wait for the washing, _and _you" He leant over and kissed her forehead.

"Downstairs? But..." She dipped her hand in the bath and never took her eyes from the ripples in the water,

"But what?" He waited,

"I thought that... perhaps... you'd like to... get in too." Her eyes focused on the water as she sensed a grin light up Harry's face.

"Yes." Hurriedly, Harry began to pour the champagne into the second glass.

"_Merely_ for hair washing purposes you understand." While Harry's back was turned, as he poured the drink, she shed her towel and climbed into the hot water.

After Harry had meticulously washed all of the soap from Nikki's hair, she lay against his chest and pulled his arms around her into an embrace. The bubbles had disappeared with the rinsing of Nikki's hair and as she lay there, breathing slowly, she took in the sight of her naked body entwined with Harry's under the water. It amazed her. She had never felt this comfortable with any man; as she looked at their bodies she knew that she had nothing to be afraid of, intimacy with Harry was going to be, evidently, uncomplicated.

Their empty glasses sat on the side of the bath; neither of them wanted to break contact in order to pour more champagne. So instead they lay there in the warm water. Neither of them wanted this moment to end, it was perfect, it would have been timeless if only the water's temperature hadn't declined and brought along hunger pangs with its cooling.

Reluctantly the couple climbed from the tepid water; helping one another with their balance. Harry wrapped Nikki tightly in the largest bath towel he could fine before pulling one around his waist. Nikki drank up the sight of Harry's wet nakedness; Harry chuckled as he saw her response to his body.

"Come on Nik, I'm starving. Let's get the clothes hung in front of the fire and rustle up some supper." He took the glasses and bottle from the bath side and followed Nikki as she plodded penguin like down the stairs.

After they had eaten in the heat of the fire, after they had emptied the bottle by the flicker of the flames, after they had spent long slow moments caressing and kissing beside the glow of the fading embers, Nikki's eyelids were heavy and Harry knew that tonight she would sleep. As her eyes slowly closed Harry lifted her and carried her to bed. They slept naked and entwined; there were no screams or cries for help, only snoozes and tired mumbles of endearment as they slept content and in love.

**was it okay guys? xx**


	47. Chapter 47

**This sort of wrote itself lol =/ enjoy... (btw love my reviews guys you know who you are xx)**

**Chapter 47**

Harry woke to the distinctive smell of bacon cooking. He rolled over in the large bed to find that the spot where his lover should be was empty. His mind slowly mulled over what his senses were telling him. Nikki cooking, _Nikki is cooking?_ He slowly sat up rubbing his eyes and pulling the bed sheet around him. Harry decided to make his way down to the kitchen.

"Nik... you're cooking... and... you're _dressed_." He scratched his head; he had hoped to spend the morning in bed kissing and nuzzling at Nikki's ever so sensitive neck.

"Firstly, you know me better than that Harry; I am not cooking but merely grilling bacon and slicing some bread. And secondly, yes I am dressed; how _very_ observant of you." She would have giggled if she wasn't deep in concentration; she didn't want to burn her fingers as she lifted the bacon from the grill onto the bread.

"Aww... I... I didn't want you to get dressed; I had plans and they certainly did _not _require you to be in your clothes." He stood behind her wrapping his arms around her waist. He nuzzled through her hair to find her neck.

"I have plans too; they certainly require me to be in my clothes. Anyway, I thought you may have grown tired of my nakedness." She arched her neck allowing him to kiss her; she was amazed by Harry's ability to render her breathless with his touch.

"I will never grow tired of seeing you without your clothes. Ever." He kissed the top of her head and reached over her to steal the sandwich she had barely finished making. "So what are our plans Nik?" He spoke trying to politely hide his mouthful.

"I looked at the list Rebecca left for us. There are directions to the nearest shop. We need a few things for the next few days. So that can be our task for today." She bit into her sandwich and sat cross legged on a chair at the table.

"Things? Like what? Rebecca filled the fridge for us before we came. I asked her to. What do we need?" Harry pulled up a chair beside her.

"Well clothes for a start-" She was interrupted

"Clothes? Nik it's bound to be a tiny shop in the middle of nowhere; they will not sell clothes, I can assure you." Harry laughed but rubbed her back affectionately knowing how much she was finding it difficult not having fresh clothes at her immediate disposal.

"We can at least go and see. Plus we need some other _things _too." She avoided his eyes and picked the crusts from her sandwich.

"Such as?" He waited for her to give a witty response.

"_Things_ Harry." She was embarrassed and shy and for various reasons found it difficult to explain herself fully.

"Oh. What? Have you got your period already?" He was confused; he was sure that she had dealt with that over a week ago; but he saw her cheeks were flush and so presumed it was something particularly womanly.

"No Harry. For a man of medicine you don't know much about the woman's reproductive system." She chuckled at his blokey hypothesis.

"Then _what_?" She had his full attention now,

"Harry... things for _you know_..." Nikki motioned with her eyes towards Harry's body then back down at hers. Still Harry's face was blank. "Hmm... right... well, I'm not on the pill; surely you know that by now." She sat her plate on the table and folded her arms hoping that no further explanation was needed.

"Yeah so?" Harry had concluded a long time ago that women were strange; right now Nikki was no exception. He helped himself to her left over crusts.

"This might come as a huge surprise to you Harry, but I'm not quite ready to produce an heir for the Cunningham dynasty."

Harry stopped chewing. His brain shifted gear several times until finally he was more than aware of what Nikki was telling him. He swallowed his part-chewed crust and sat looking at her for confirmation. Nikki smiled at him; she was self-conscious but she knew that contraception hadn't crossed Harry's mind. She knew that it would, but more than likely it would be after the event. Also, as much as she felt proud of her decision to be with Harry she felt unsure of herself; she knew that she would have to be the one to initiate things and this conversation was her muddled way of telling him that she wanted him, that said, she should have anticipated that Harry would be oblivious to the implication of what she was trying to tell him. After an uncomfortable minute Harry spoke.

"Nikki... are you telling me you want us to have sex?" Nikki nodded. "I mean, now- soon, here-" She nodded again and reached for his hand. "Are you _also_ telling me that we need to go and buy condoms?" He kissed her hand.

"Yes Harry. I'm sorry. I'm not usually this-this pathetic about these things. But I feel awkward. I wanted to let you know that I was ready for us to, but I knew we needed to sort out contraception because I haven't been on the pill since-well- and I didn't want us to be caught unprepared. I thought that if I told you that we needed condoms you get the hint and help me take the lead. Harry, it's going to be my first time since-" She was talking herself into a state,

"Nikki, listen-" Harry understood and he didn't need her to explain.

"And it's with you, and it's important for so many reasons-" Nikki smiled now at the thought of her first time with him. "Now I'm rambling idiot."

"What do you mean _now_? Nik you are always a rambling idiot my love." He kissed her forehead.

"Thanks." She loved how Harry always managed to make light of any situation she felt uncomfortable in.

"Right so, one day away with me and my_ irresistibly handsome self _and you have decided that you want to share your goodies with me. God Nik, I should have taken you away years ago... Look, Nik it will happen when it happens, there is no rush, however now that _I know_ that you feel ready and now that I know we have sorted birth control-" He didn't get to finish,

"_We_?" Nikki laughed,

"Okay, now that _you_ have brought the issue to my attention... what I'm trying to say is-" Again, Nikki interrupted him,

"That you are desperate to get me into bed?" Harry smiled but chose to ignore her,

"What I'm _trying_ to say is that it's going to be okay; stop worrying, and you are not being pathetic. To tell you the truth Nik, I'm probably more nervous than you; I mean, I have fancied you for bloody years. So I don't want you thinking about it, or how it's going to happen or how it's going to be because there is nothing to worry about... and, because you're making me anxious too." He rubbed the back of her neck instinctively,

"Really? You're nervous about it too? That makes me feel better." Nikki smiled with wonder at his honesty,

"Yes. I love you. I want to get it right, not to mention I have dreamt about being with you since you impressed me with your schoolgirl hockey skills." They both chuckled at the memory of Nikki whacking the hockey ball around the lad during her first week at work.

Nikki stood and re-seated herself on Harry's lap. She kissed him with admiration, she kissed him with relief, and above all she kissed him with passion. It was Harry who reluctantly broke their kiss.

"Nikki. Let me get dressed. We need to find that shop." She slowly unravelled herself from him and took their plates over to the sink. She heard his chair scrape on the stone floor and smiling she shouted after him,

"The trip to the shop is for clothes first and foremost."

**_hope you liked it guys? xx_**


	48. Chapter 48

**Love the reviews hehe thanks XX Also I think there's only 3 chapters left =(**

**Chapter 48**

It took twenty minutes in the violent downpour of rain to get to the nearest village, Lythe. However by the time Harry had found a parking space on the quiet main street there was a break in the clouds and although no blue sky could be seen the sun shone through, turning grey overcast into brilliant white. The name of the street on which they had parked was High Street; it was the main stretch of road that ran through the small village of Lythe. The section of the road where the heart of the village sat was barely half a mile long; it was made up of tiny terraced houses, a tea shop and a grocery shop on the left side of the road; an Off Licence, and what appeared to be, a wool shop further down the road on the right.

Harry and Nikki climbed from the car, both walked around the bonnet to find each others' hands. Harry smiled at Nikki's reaction to the lack of shops that the village had to offer.

"Not exactly Oxford Street." Harry chuckled.

"I am going to be stuck washing and wearing these clothes aren't I?" She sighed her annoyance.

"Well. Like I said Nik, you could always wear... me." He managed to kiss her head before she playfully batted him away. "Where shall we start? We have a food shop, a hot drink shop, an alcohol and nicotine shop and erm... a wool shop. What more could one possibly need?"

The bell rang as they pushed the door and walked into the grocery. The store was miniature but well stocked; there was almost no room to walk between the three short aisles. Nikki made her way to the counter which was supervised by a stout man in his late fifties; he wore a green and white striped apron.

"Hello, excuse me? Could you tell me, are there any other shops around here, particularly clothes shops?" Harry could hear the hope in her tone.

"Ee no love, no clothing shops for miles; ya'd 'ave t'go in ta Whitby Town for that. What? An hour an' half's drive." His accent was thick and local.

"Okay, thanks for your help." Nikki turned to find Harry scanning the aisles; she giggled as she considered Harry's thought processes.

"Nope. No _things _we need in here Nik. Next shop." He grinned at his own impertinence knowing that Nikki was amused by his boyish conduct.

"Clothes first and foremost, Harry." She took his hand and dragged his arm around her waist as they left the grocers.

"Oh we're not going to have to drive for an hour and a half are we-" Nikki cut in on Harry's pretend complaining,

"Depends... on whether or not the Off License has the _second _item on the shopping list. I doubt very much that the Wool shop or the tea shop will sell them."Nikki squeezed his hand.

"Off Licence it is then." Harry wrapped his arms around Nikki's shoulders nibbling at her neck as they crossed the empty road.

After making several purchases at both the Off License and the wool shop: Nikki had bought two hand knitted jumpers and a thick long scarf; Harry, two bottles of red wine _and_ with a great deal mock teenaged excitement to embarrass Nikki and make her cheeks blush as much as he possibly could he had bought the second item on their shopping list.

They were ready to make their way back to the car when the sign on the board outside of the tea shop caught Harry's eye, it read: Homemade Chocolates sold here. He simply couldn't resist; he marvelled at the thought of feeding his lover chocolates by the warmth of the open fire. Harry easily coaxed Nikki in for a look and a drink of tea.

Both Harry's and Nikki's eyes widened with wonder when they say the homemade chocolates that the young lady behind the glass counter had on offer. There was such a selection ranging from white milk almond truffles to solid dark chocolate cubes.

"Wow Harry, these look delicious; look at all of the milk chocolate varieties, there's mint, Turkish delight, orange. I want to try them all, is that okay? Even the white chocolate ones." Harry smiled at Nikki's sudden transformation into a child.

Harry let Nikki chose her selection but as he only liked dark chocolate he insisted that she chose a few of those for him to enjoy later too, yet after two suggestions she still hadn't taken the hint.

"Okay Nik, now stick a few dark ones in there too." He was desperate to intervene but he also couldn't bring himself to ruin her fun.

"No way, I hate dark chocolate." Nikki dismissed his request and carried on picking her, now rather large, selection.

"Ahh Nik, you have got like twenty in there, swap a few for dark-"

"Owh Harry, dark ones are so sour though, just have some of these. I won't mind sharing." She attempted her best puppy eyes.

"Nicola Alexander stop looking at me like that and get me some dark chocolate; or else." Harry wrapped his arm around her neck and affectionately pretended to shake her senseless.

"Ha-ha sorry Harry, I forgot you hate anything but dark." She kissed his cheek and chose five of the largest dark chocolate truffles, before ordering them some traditional Yorkshire tea.

With bellies full of hot tea and hands full of their various treats the pleased couple made their way back to Harry's car. Just as they had finished putting their bags in the boot Harry's mobile rang; Nikki made her way to the passenger seat and waited for Harry to climb in so that she could listen to the conversation he was having and know who it was that was making Harry's expression somewhat serious. One or two words gave the subject of conversation away immediately and Nikki refused to let it ruin what had been a perfect 24 hours; she folded her arms, closed her eyes and willed the phone call to end. Five minutes later it did.

"Nikki that was Leo." He awkwardly pushed his mobile back into his jeans pocket.

"I know. Harry I don't want to talk about it-" She was angry that he thought it would be okay to discuss this with her here, on their week away.

"Nikki, we're not going to talk about anything; I am just going to explain to you what is going to happen with Hughes and the driver, James, you need to know." He turned to her and held her hands in his.

"Harry, I'm frightened." Unwanted tears stained her cheeks.

"Nik, there's nothing to be afraid of, not anymore; Leo has told me what they face and it's going to be okay. I think it's important that you know." He was determined for her to remain strong throughout the whole process that lay ahead of them; he knew that if she shut herself off from the legalities now it would be much harder for her in the long run.

"Okay. Okay. What did Leo say?" She held her breath.

"Both Hughes and James are to be remanded in custody, until they have to appear in court to answer to the charges brought against them; Nik that will be two weeks time. They have each had access to a solicitor whilst they have been in the cells, they may well be the ones who represent them in court. The court has asked for a psychiatric and a pre-sentence report to be made before the preliminary hearing. The report will also make a recommendation for the date of their arraignment. If the magistrate supports the charges made then we will be advised to find suitable solicitor to prosecute our case."

"_If_ the magistrate supports the charges? _If_? Don't you think they will?" Nikki felt a rising panic from the pit of her stomach.

"No no no Nik, they _will_ sorry, I mean when they _do_." Harry was annoyed with his lack of tact.

"So basically I have two weeks to find a solicitor to prosecute my case." She rubbed her forehead pre-empting the headache that would be a legal nightmare.

"Yes. The best. We will hire the best. Nik? Are you okay how do you feel?" He gently prised her fingers from her head.

"I'm okay, I'm here with you and this is bliss; I don't want to go back to London. It's going to be a long process isn't it?" She closed her eyes at the thought of it.

"It could be... but... we have four whole days left here, just you and I. So no thinking about that until you absolutely have to, okay? I want you to switch that busy mind of yours off Nik." He rested his forehead against hers.

"You may have to help me with that Harry."Nikki grinned as she moved for his lips and kissed him slowly.

That evening the rain and wind howled and pounded outside the cottage but the flicker of the firelight was content and emitted a beautiful glow around the quaint lounge. Nikki sat lent against Harry's chest by the fireplace on the floor wrapped in a large white bed sheet. Harry was still clad in his bath towel. They had eaten dinner and bathed together and now they sat sipping the red wine that Harry had bought earlier that day.

"Harry you did put _all_ of my clothes in the wash right?" She turned her head to check him,

"Yes... Nik you're so paranoid about your clothes." He laughed before nuzzling at her ear.

"I am not paranoid Harry; I just like to have clean clothes... unlike you." She pulled a chocolate from the box besides them and put the whole thing in her mouth.

"I can go without clothes I think you need to adopt that mind set if you're going to be my girlfriend... _hey_ you little gorb was that one of _my_ dark ones?" He pulled the box to him to count how many of his were left. "Two! Nik, I only had one! You piggy!" He was truly shocked.

"I ate one by mistake and it was quite delicious so I just took a second one; surely you don't mind; if you love me?"

"You are a nightmare Miss Alexander, no more okay they're mine, and you have plenty of those _awful_ milky ones."

"Okay I promise." She rested her head back against his chest and watched as the fire blew embers up the chimney.

"By the way Nik, I love the dress, very sexy indeed. And as for lack of options I think you have managed perfectly well; towel toga last night and a strapless sheet wrap for tonight, I think your ensembles could be entered for London fashion week."

Nikki turned to face him, smiled an ever so sweet smile and kissed Harry's lips lightly and seductively; she sat back looked directly at him and deliberately ate one of his chocolates.

"Nikki! That was cruel; what was that for?" Harry was astounded by her cheekiness but secretly loved seeing her misbehave this way.

"Making fun of my clothes." She took the last dark chocolate from the box and clambered to her feet struggling with the sheet too. "And if you carry on I'll eat the last one too." She held it hand above her head.

"Nik give it back; come on you have loads of milk ones left. I have only had one of my five." He laughed at his own pleading.

"Well if you want it..." Nikki began to make like she was going to bite down on the truffle.

"You wouldn't dare." Harry was unsure whether she would or not,

"Oh wouldn't I?" Nikki bit into the truffle.

"Right this is war." Harry was astonished by her self-assurance but he knew exactly how to get his own back.

**please let me kow what you think guys? XX**


	49. Chapter 49

**Hope this is okay for you guys =/**

**Chapter 49**

"War Harry? That's a little dramatic don't you think?" She laughed almost excitedly at Harry's childlike charm.

"Yes war. _That_ was my last chocolate. Totally uncalled for and so ... and so... I shall tickle you to death-" Mockingly Nikki didn't let him finish,

"I'm not ticklish." Her tone was matter of fact as she tightened the sheet around her frame.

Before she realised Harry had tackled her carefully and precisely to the floor and was tickling her ribs and waist as if he was happily teasing a child with his daftness. He delighted in hearing her laugh loudly and merrily so much so that he couldn't refrain from adding to the silliness by blowing huge comical raspberries against her naked skin which was no longer covered securely with the sheet. Eventually Nikki surrendered,

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry Harry, I'm sorry I ate your chocolates; seriously you win, you win." She struggled to claim her breath due to the laughing fit she was having.

"You're sorry are you? Right, well that's no good is it? I have no chocolates left for me. What will I have as my treat hey?" He stopped his tickling assault and waited for Nikki to speak,

"A treat, hmm... a treat, what could I give you as a treat?" She motioned down at the sheet she was wearing and reading her mind Harry carefully removed the sheet that encased her body. Nikki adored the way he looked at her and proceeded to kiss him and need him and he kissed her back enjoying the sweet taste from her lips.

"Harry... I want you." Nikki lifted her hips and pressed herself against him to demonstrate exactly what she meant.

"Are you sure?" He wants her too, in every way, more than anything yet he needs her to have no doubt in her mind. She kisses her response and Harry's mind if full of her and him and their bodies entwined. She feels his need against her; she feels her desires and wants so much more... suddenly she remembers,

"Harry we need to get a-" Nikki is adamant.

"Aah, no little Harry's just yet." He chuckles planting a tiny kiss on the top of her nose.

As Nikki giggles he leaves their place at the fireside. She instantly feels incomplete; a chill of _what ifs_ and expectations permeates the warm tender atmosphere that encircled her naked body however, within seconds, attentive Harry is back before _I'm_ _not good enough_ takes up residence in her mind; he chases insecurity away with a searing kiss. Harry speaks to sooth her,

"You are so beautiful Nik... God I want you, I want you as badly as you want me"

"I love you Harry." Her eyes are wide with truth and longing,

"Ditto-" Harry grinned into his kisses as he mumbled,

"Doesn't count." She was determined to make him work for his treat,

"Okay, I love you so very much; you are incredible."

Kissing mouths and wandering hands are vital in their exploration of one another; hidden inches of their skin are found for the first time, Harry tenderly touches her to show his lover how he wants her; he wants her to know that this is about an exquisite love that they can share, nothing else. In turn a throaty purr resonates from Nikki and in awe of her response Harry seductively bites her neck, on the sensitive spot where he knows it will render her breathless. Blind with desire Nikki reaches for him, initiating sweet whisperings from Harry which demonstrate his approval of her intimate caresses of his need. As their body's become one Nikki squeezes his hand far too tight and makes her final request,

"Harry please, I need to see you-"

"S'okay it's just me and you Nik... see." Her eyes search Harry's face for assurance and he waits for her presence before kissing her, their eyes are wide and they see only one another. In the bliss of their union Harry cannot help but smile and in doing so Nikki feels his grin through his kiss,

"What are you laughing at Harry?" She is curious more than anxious,

"Well, Doctor Alexander, I do believe you are _wearing _me." Her laugh was loud and honest, Harry chuckled at her amusement... and then... for Nikki, the sensation of him was extraordinarily much more than tolerable... for Harry, the sensation of her, divinely overwhelming.

In the low lamp light of the pretty living room the couple spent the next 20 minutes nakedly folding and refolding around each other; their bodies in perfect unison, and in time they became beautifully synchronised until their rhythm became wonderfully rewarding. No coherent words were spoken, only utterances of desire and fulfilment in anticipation of their mutual gratification; in this moment, Nikki's needs were effortlessly sated and Harry's immediate desire couldn't take any more physical affection. It wasn't ground breaking, it wasn't earth shattering and time didn't stop but it was satisfying, in this instance their lovemaking had been simple and beautiful.

They lay together breathless with clammy skin against one another; Harry traces small circles on her arm as she lays in them. In the dim light Nikki's brain is in overdrive her emotions take over; tears sting her eyes and she finally finds the courage to ask him,

"Harry? Was I okay?" Her voice is small but the words almost break Harry's heart,

"Nikki." He pulls her to him and hugs her tightly; he wraps the sheets around them both to try to capture the love that they had made, "You, my love, were breathtaking."

**Reviews please? xxx**


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50**

In the hours that had passed the loving couple had made their way up to the bedroom and had entangled themselves around one another's naked form to sleep soundly beneath the sheets. As dawn broke and the moon refused to leave the sky, Harry stirred. He smiled even before he opened his eyes to find his blond lover sleeping deeply in his arms. He was amazed at how quickly they had managed to consummate their love for one another; he had thought that she would need much more time; he knew every last devastating detail of how they'd hurt her and as he considered this he felt rage build inside him, but it was not a time for such thoughts. He gazed down at Nikki's face and remembered intimacy they had shared only a few hours ago. He was proud of her; he loved her, he was always going to protect her.

Desperate to say hello to the woman asleep beside him, he considered how he could wake her without being overly obvious. He gently pulled down the sheet to reveal their bodies and carefully traced his finger over the pattern cast by the shadows made on her skin. Soon enough, as expected Nikki woke under his electric touch.

"Good morning my beautiful."

Nikki yawned her good morning and smiled sleepily as she nestled her head in the crook of his arm.

"Sleepy head, you still tired my love?" He ran his fingers along her shoulder as she nodded with her eyes closed. "Lazy bones." He kissed her forehead.

"You _tired_ _me out_ Harry, I blame you; I'm not used to spending _so_ _many_ minutes breathless at one time." Although she was still half asleep she was being honest. She opened her eyes and shut them again almost instantly; she wanted the light that was shining through a crack in the curtain to go away and stop invading her paradise with the threat of a different day.

"Ah, but I have a sneaky suspicion that tells me you could quite easily get used to it. I know I am already addicted." Harry's tone was playfully smug and self satisfied.

Nikki smiled and tightened her embrace on Harry.

"Harry, have you planned anything for today?" Her enquiry was mumbled through tired lips.

"Yes of course. Don't you know? I am the very embodiment of plans and preparations that keep you happy." He chuckled, "We need to leave in an hour or two; there are some strawberry fields not too far from here; I thought we could go strawberry picking." Harry was excited, he hadn't been strawberry picking since his was a young child and he couldn't wait to share that old familiarity with the woman he loved.

Nikki didn't want to get up. She didn't want to leave the place where she lay; the plans they had for the day were trivial to the emotion that she felt right now in this place, in Harry's arms. Emotionally she'd moved mountains in the night; shifted her world on its axis and she wanted to savour the sentiment for as long as she could. Harry had been faultless, he'd not been too cautious or over solicitous; unlike Nikki, he had been confident about the steps he made in their ritual dance. Nikki knew in her heart that she hadn't been the greatest lover Harry had ever had, but in time she knew that could change. Nevertheless what was important was that she'd crossed the invisible, intangible line that had separated her from a crucial part of herself, she hadn't exorcised the rape but with her and Harry's lovemaking she had moved just beyond it. Her body was hers again, hers to give to Harry.

Harry watched her intently as she wandered through these thought processes and knowing that he was going to have to ask her to open up he finally spoke.

"What's wrong Nik? Want to talk about it?" He turned on his side and stoked her face willing her to share.

"Nothing is wrong Harry. Everything is so right. But..." She didn't know how to explain,

"But what Nik?" Concern filled Harry's eyes,

"I'm afraid." She had said it and now she knew she was going to have to explain herself, and that worried her ever so slightly more in case her apprehensions materialised.

"Of what?" He squeezed her hand indicating his own uneasiness,

"Hmm... I'm afraid to leave this place, this bed, the cottage. I don't want to go outside, back into the real world. I love being here with you and I'm afraid that if we go out... all this, everything that you feel for me and what we did last night will all evaporate back into anxiety and shame. I don't want to go out. Can't we stay in? Please?" A single tear fell but Harry brushed it away with his thumb.

"No. We are leaving here in two hours and we are going strawberry picking and you will see that nothing will change. We are in the real world right now Nikki; we have both worked really hard together to get to this point I promise it will not evaporate or go anywhere. It won't. I'm not saying that you won't feel those other negative emotions either because those are very real to you, and will be for awhile, but so are these ones, love, affection, desire, happiness, Nik, these are just as real; just because they feel good doesn't mean you're going to lose them or me. I'm not going anywhere. So we are going out to prove my point to you, okay?" Harry's expression was resolute.

"Okay." She believed him but she knew she had to experience his promised words for herself; he was right, she had to know that they were not sealed in a cocooned paradise but that this reality would follow them wherever they went.

"Okay. Besides Nik, I have an uncontrollable desire..." He enveloped Nikki with his body and kissed her slowly and purposefully and just as she pressed her body into him to convey that she craved much more, he decisively broke the kiss "... to show off my exceptional strawberry picking skills." He threw back the sheets, climbed from the bed and padded over to the bathroom.

"Harry!" Nikki called after him feeling utterly cheated,

"I need food Nik... food _first and foremost_." He laughed as he used her phrase from the day before exactly how she had implied it.


	51. Chapter 51

**Okay so this is the penultimate chapter guys... 52 will be the last. I have really enjoyed writing this fic... and LOVED each and every single one of my reviews so HUGGGGs to all**

**Chapter 51**

Nikki and Harry's finger tips were stained pink just like their teeth, tongues and lips. They made their way back to pay for their punnet of strawberries, at least the ones that hadn't made it past their mouths into their bellies. As they approached the small on-site shop Nikki took Harry's hand and examined his stained finger tips along with hers,

"Harry I thought you said you had _exceptional _strawberry picking skills; your fingers are just as stained as mine." She kissed his fingertips.

"Well then, that just proves that I am a good mentor; all the _best_ strawberry pickers have stained fingers." He kissed her smiling lips and they headed to the counter.

The man at the counter was in his late thirties and Nikki couldn't help but notice that his colouring and height resembled that of Hughes; she knew she was being over analytical but for some reason her heart was in her throat and she felt uneasy even in Harry's presence. Harry, oblivious to Nikki's reaction chatted away politely discussing the crop and GM modified products. Nikki felt the unwanted familiar rising panic and took a small step back to distance herself from the innocent man; she soon realised it wasn't anything that he had said or done, it wasn't anything that she had done, it was Hughes and that vile friend of his, they were those ones controlling this situation. Angry with her realisation, she took control. She stepped forward and smiled her sunniest smile directly at the man serving.

"You're strawberries are just delicious; we've had such a great day. Thank you." She spoke decisively and calmly.

"That's quite alright Miss." He smiled back as he handed Harry their purchases.

The flames of fear that had begun to rise inside Nikki were dampened by her ability to take control of the smallest of situation; she was pleased with herself, she had beaten them this time. Wrapped in her victory she was silent yet content all the way back to the car.

The smiles that had passed between Nikki and the shop owner hadn't gone un-noticed by Harry, he knew it was perfectly innocent yet something he hadn't felt before stirred within him,

"Is this what I have to contend with now?" He pulled her under his arm as they walked and kissed her hair,

"What?" Nikki was still lost in her small battle.

"You… eyeing up other men?" Harry teased but he didn't like the way the man had suddenly taken an interest in his beautiful love,

"I was simply smiling at him Harry." Nikki chuckled she was amused by his mock jealousy,

"Oh right, well in that case I don't want you flashing your amazing smile at other men it could get you into trouble" Harry knew _if_ it would get anyone into trouble it could be him and the recipient of Nikki's radiant happiness.

Nikki heard the words and stood still. She was deep in thought and Harry knew. He knew she was reconsidering _that_ night; if it _was_ something that she had done, and then he knew what had passed between Nikki and the shop assistant was in fact for Nikki a small battle,

"I'm sorry Nik… I was being silly." He embraced her, resting his chin on her head, he felt bad.

"No don't be its okay; I'm sorry… it just still catches me." She tried hard to shake the images from her mind. The silence that followed told Harry she needed a little help to rid them and so he did his best to make her giggle.

"You know that _wasn't_ the reason, because of your smile. Nik, you smile at whoever you like, I will protect you… you should_ however_ come with sign saying: beware over protective boyfriend prone to breaking noses…. We can get that fixed up for you as soon as we get back." It had worked, Nikki carried on walking towards the car giggling away at Harry's half serious gesture.

As the car pulled up outside the cottage the heavens opened and the rain bounced fiercely off the car. Harry turned the key to kill the engine and grinning he turned to Nikki,

"Mad dash from car to house it looks like; I think I can manage to help you out or your wet jeans again." He reached over and squeezed her knee suggestively.

"Well…" She turned in the car seat to face him, "Why would my jeans be wet? Who says we have to wait until we get in doors before the removal of them?" She was almost playful and Harry struggled to answer her, then he attempted,

"We don't-" He didn't even get chance to finish his witty one-liner, as Nikki accurately manoeuvred herself so that she was sat straddling him; with minimal space her knees pressed almost uncomfortably either side of Harry's hips, "Nikki- What-" She covered his mouth with hers and kissed him until she felt his arousal beneath her. She sat back a little and waited for him to speak; he never did, he simply looked at her, captivated by her. She wriggled out of her coat and Harry helped her pull her jumper over her head; he was mesmerised by the sight of her in her bra on his lap in his car; he couldn't speak and his mouth was dry, all he knew was that he needed her immediately.

He sat forward and began to follow the line of her collarbone with his kisses. It took all of Nikki's strength to remain focused but finally she pushed him back against his seat and with one hand reached for his belt the other for the keys in the ignition. As quickly as Nikki had moved herself into the ever so seduction position on Harry's lap she was gone; the car door opened letting the rain lash against Harry's face. He saw her dash, in only her bra and jeans, towards the door of the cottage,

"Grrrr… Nikki! You can't leave me like this. You're evil!" He called after her half amused half distracted,

"After the way you left me this morning, I most certainly can Harry Cunningham." And giggling hilariously she disappeared into the cottage.

Harry had to sit for a few seconds to regain his senses before getting out and taking their strawberries inside. Indoors, Nikki was nowhere to be seen but he could hear that she was upstairs. He went to the kitchen and began to sort their strawberries so that they could be left to soak in the sink. Not two minutes later there was a knock at the cottage door. Intrigued, as they were not expecting anyone, Harry hurried to answer it. He opened the door to the young woman who had served them in the tea shop the day before.

"Hello. Can I help you?" Harry asked politely and completely baffled,

"I was asked to drop these off, for a Harry Cunningham." She handed over a large box, like the one that their chocolates had come in.

"Oh I'm sorry I never-" He was still confused, and the rain blowing into the porch way wasn't helping,

"A Nikki Alexander called this morning and paid by card over the phone, asked me to drop them at dinner time." She made to go, clearly wanting to be in the dryness of her car.

"Okay well thank you, I won't keep you in this rain, thanks." He closed the door and opened the box. "Nikki?" He called out for her, there was a card placed on top of the dark chocolates: My Love, I'm sorry I ate all the dark ones. Always yours N xx Harry's heart thumped in his chest, he was touched, truly. He made his way upstairs to find Nikki and tell her how lovely she was.

"Nikki?" As he entered the bedroom his heart stopped; Nikki was laid on the bed seductively in only her underwear,

"I was waiting for you Harry, what took you so long?" She smiled sweetly but her eyes were full of desire,

"Chocolates, I have chocolates." His head full of her he couldn't find the words he needed; he wandered over to the bed and sat beside her, still holding the box of chocolates, "No-one has ever sent me chocolates Nik. I love them. Thank you." He didn't take his eyes from her, "We could…" He couldn't think as she'd reached her hand to his and pulled him to her, he tried again, "We could melt them, the strawberries, I mean _for_ the strawberries. That would be nice Nik." She took the box from him and sat it on the bedside cabinet; slowly she wrapped herself around him,

"We _could_ but I can't wait that long, I need something sweet _now_." She went to kiss him but Harry spoke before she could,

"Sweet hey?" He reached and took a chocolate from the box, "these will sate your appetite then Nik." He was desperate to tease her for as long as he could, a little revenge for her ploy in the car.

"No. That won't do, I need something much sweeter," She kissed him and pressed her hips into him, "and much _much_ tastier…" she kissed his neck and feeling particularly in control and daring she whispered into his ear "and harder."

With that, Harry lost all sense of resistance and surrendered himself leaving his body in the capable hands of his lover. They enveloped kisses and sweet nothings all around one another. Before long they were breathless in the art that was their lovemaking and nothing else mattered, only desire, passion and their love for one another.

Harry watched Nikki's naked sleeping form. He watched her for an hour simply drinking in the sight of her. She was pretty and he considered what beautiful babies she would give him. It was a relief to watch her sleep uninterrupted knowing that her demons were far from her mind; he wanted them to stay away for good, but he wasn't naïve he knew she still had a way to go before she had exorcised them completely. It didn't matter, he would be there to dry every tear, to sooth each panic attack, to subdue after each uninvited nightmare. He pulled the sheets over her so that she wouldn't get cold.

It was starting to get dark out and dusk was almost replaced by stars; Harry knew they needed to eat. He remembered the chocolates and sat up to examine them. They were all dark ones except for one milk one right in the centre of the box. He smiled and turned to Nikki wanting to tell her how much he loved her silliness but she was so peaceful he couldn't bear to wake her from her snoozes. He decided that he would make some dinner and wake her then.

Harry stirred the green pesto into the pasta and threw in some Parma-ham before grating the parmesan over. He heard Nikki on the stairs and smiled at the thought of her.

"Harry you should have woken me." She enclosed her arms around his waist and rested her tired head on his back while he plated the pasta.

"You looked so pretty and peaceful, I was about to though. You need to eat." He left the plates and turned to hug her.

"Yes, I do, I am _actually_ starving." She broke their embrace and picked at the pasta on the plate.

"Where do you want to eat, the table or by the fire… I made the fire for you." He lifted the plates and waited for his orders,

"The fire it is then Harry." Wrapped in the bed sheet that had become her dressing gown she followed him towards the warmth and glow of heat. They settled by the fire and ate in silence as they exchanged glances and grins remembering what had passed only hours before. Finally Harry spoke,

"Nik?" He made the one syllable of her name draw out into a childlike question.

"Yes Harry?" She copied his tone on his name.

"I've been thinking-"

"Oh God, does Leo know?" Nikki chuckled at her Harry like response,

"Now that you're my girlfriend I don't need to consult Leo on my thinking. Nikki, seriously though, I've been thinking about your place, your old place." Nikki stopped chewing her mouthful and waited anxiously, the thought of her place made her sick to her stomach. "Well, you still haven't moved everything across, like furniture, PC, curtains and whatnot and to be honest there is no room for both of our furnishings at my place, there's barely enough room for all your pairs of boots. What I'm saying is… how would you feel about us finding a new place… a new place together. Sell all our old stuff and buy new stuff together. There's no point in having double of everything and I don't want all your girly stuff and my stuff, although _exceptiona_l in taste, now screams bachelor. So what do you think? See the month through on both of our places and find somewhere together, bigger, to rent?" He took a breath and hoped he wasn't rushing her, in the back of his mind her heard Leo's warning tone.

Nikki swallowed her food, although it was hard as her heart was in her throat. Her eyes betrayed her and she could feel them water. She didn't hold them back though as they were happy tears, tears of attachment. She carefully sat her plate down and shuffled to Harry's side,

"Can I pick out the rugs, curtains, bedspreads and cushions?" She squeezed him tightly; she had never felt so secure and safe or wanted.

"As long as they're not too girly, my love."

**Well let me know what you think please? xxxx**


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